Jo Koy: Comin’ In Hot

Hawaii.

Are you ready?

Ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for Jo Koy!

That's what I'm talking about.

Yes!

Had to bring it to Hawaii, baby.

Aloha is real.

If you're in a bad mood, just , shoot them with some Aloha.

You guys are like Care Bears, it just comes out of your chests.

"Someone having a bad day?"

Oh, shit.

People in Hawaii brag about shit that no one else brags about.

That's real!

'Cause you cher-- you cherish the things that you have.

It's yours. I love this, it's mine, brother.

I had a guy walk up to me,

he was like, "Hey, brother, you see my... you see my brand new

2003 Toyota Tacoma?

Cherry, bro.

Fucking cherry!

Lifted, bro. Lifted.

Lifted, 2003!

Brand new, 2003.

Toyota Tacoma."

You don't care, you're laid back.

You live in paradise.

You don't have time... You're not uptight.

You go out, "Good, we go out."

Dress nice. "Okay, dress nice."

Nice outfit, "Where's my slipper?

Where's my slipper?"

You guys will wear a slipper.

"Slipper!"

Always, "Slipper."

"Slipper." Fucking brand new outfit,

"Slipper."

No one outside of Hawaii knows what "slipper"...

I'll tell you what "slipper" is. It's fucking, look...

Look, "Slipper."

"Slipper, slipper,

slipper.

Slipper, slipper, slipper, slipper."

I don't even know why you wear it. They're barely on your fucking foot.

That's how you guys walk.

"Slipper" at the front of your foot. You're not even...

It's not even on your foot. You just, kick the slipper, step.

Kick, step,

kick slipper, step, kick slipper, step, kick...

You love the vowels. You guys love vowels.

You don't care. A, the letter A.

How many A's can you put in one street name?

How many A's? That's too many A's.

That's why if anyone comes to Hawaii, I'm talking to the world right now,

if you come to Hawaii, don't ask for directions.

All the streets sound the same.

Ask for directions, they'll be like,

"Oh, that's easy, brother. This how you get there.

You just go down Kaleakalakaka.

Make a right turn on Laukaladakalakau.

Left turn on Naukauaakala.

And then a right turn on Ahaahahaha'aaa.

Love everything about Hawaii.

Can't get enough of it.

I don't even listen to the music and I love it.

When I'm here, I can't stop listening to it.

Don't know any of the words. I don't care.

I drive and I sing...

You're clapping. I just made that song up.

You guys don't even know what the fuck I'm saying.

All I did was the vowels...

That hula is this shit!

Hula is everything.

That is the sexiest dance ever.

All that shit they're doing now, all the sexy dances they're doing,

they stole it from the hula.

Hula... that shit is sexy.

She talks to the man through dance.

That is sexy.

She tells him what she wants through dance.

"You come see me...

when the sun go down.

You take me to dinner.

If I like you...

I give you pussy."

Everybody, look at this. Every culture. Every race.

Every ethnicity is in here,

hanging out, laughing.

"Good time." They don't care, "Good time, bro." They don't give a shit.

And we look... I look out into the crowd, you can't tell us apart. You can't!

You know how many Mexicans my mom walks up to and goes, "Filipino?"

"Mexican!"

"Sorry, sorry!

Sorry, sorry."

There's a way you can tell Asians apart from other Asians.

It's by their accent, and only if they have accents.

Out of all the Asians, Koreans are the easiest,

'cause when a Korean person talks,

they sound like they've been smoking weed all day.

Like right before they talk to you...

Koreans sound like Asian ghosts.

My best friend growing up was Korean.

I remember the first time I went to his house,

his dad yelled from upstairs.

I thought the fucking house was haunted.

Swear to God, right when I walked in...

-I was like, "What the fuck was that?" -

"Ah, it's my dad. He just wants to know if you're hungry."

You can do that with any Asian.

Vietnamese.

What? I haven't even done anything yet.

Vietnamese, I love Vietnamese people.

You're my... I love you.

You're the smallest of the Asians.

You're smaller,

but I will tell you this,

don't fuck with Vietnamese people.

They will fight anybody.

Those little fuckers will fight any... They don't give a shit.

I don't care how strong you are, they will fight you.

They will run up to you and say shit.

That's their little feet.

I had one run up to me at the end of the show.

"Hey dude, what you say to me like that, dude?"

They talk...

They talk...

They talk real fast... You know they talk that fast.

They talk like this, real fast, like,

"Dude, what you say to me like that, dude?"

They talk real fast like that, dude.

Koreans sound like they've been smoking weed all day.

Vietnamese people sound like they've been doing cocaine their whole life.

"Hey dude, what you say to me like that, dude?

Don't you talk to me like that, dude.

What you say to me like that?"

Vietnamese people put a period after every word that come out.

"Hey. Dude. What. You. Say. To. Me. Like. That. Dude?"

Vietnamese people go real high.

They go real high, like that, dude.

They go down low, like that. They start low, like that, dude.

Then they'll go real high like that, dude.

Vietnamese people sound like they're in a car far away

and they drive by you real fast when they're talking to you.

Like, "Hey dude, what you say to me like that, dude? Don't say that!"

Man, say that shit again, man. Get out the car and say that shit.

Japanese.

What?

Japanese, only if they have accents you can tell us apart.

Japanese,

very distinct.

When a Japanese man talks...

it come from diaphragm.

This where Japanese man purr.

Huh!

Hi!

Japanese!

Japanese woman,

doesn't matter if she's 12 years old,

or 75 years old,

they always sound 12 years old.

Let's go!

Okay!

That's why no one watches Japanese porn.

No one watches Japanese porn.

You know how annoying that shit is to watch?

All right, let's go!

Oh-oh, keep going!

Uh-oh, in my eye!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ever since my last Netflix special,

I've been getting a lot of Mexicans coming to my shows.

A lot of Mexicans come to my shows now.

And they always come up to me

and say the same shit at the end of my show.

They always go, "Hey fucker."

Sorry.

It's so racist. I don't know why.

I don't know why... "Hey fucker." Why...

Why when I impersonate a Mexican guy, I always gotta sound like...

I always gotta sound like I'm falling off a cliff.

It's so fucked up.

It's a horrible impersonation, but that's what they sound like.

They always sound like they're falling off the cliff.

The longer the sentence, the further the fall.

Mexicans always come up to me

and say the same thing at the end of my shows, all the time.

They're like, "Hey, your mom's just like my mom.

Everything your mom does, my mom does."

What'd I say?

"Everything..." You look like a cholo, I swear to God.

Its scaring the shit out of me.

I'm trying to do this joke, but this guy's like,

"Say it right, fucker.

"Say it right, fucker. Don't..."

You know how hard is it to be funny when a cholo's looking at me like this?

What's your name, bro?

-Jason. -Jason?

-Are you Filipino or Mexican? -I'm Filipino.

He's fucking Filipino!