South Park

I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time

Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation

I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind

Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor

I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind

I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties

So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine

Episode 10x09 "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce"

And so, class, that is when Joe Lee countered back to Aniston and said things like-

Oh hello Mr. Mackey.

All the girls go out in the hall please?

I need to speak with the boys of this class, m'kay?

Boys, we have a very serious problem!

I've just come from the men's restroom and somebody went number 2 in the urinal!

What's an urinal? - A wall toilet for peeing in.

And some jokester took a poop in it! Okay?

Now I want whoever did it to come forward right now

and it will be less painful for everybody! M'kay?!

Who would take a ddump in a urinal? It's such a s-senseless crime.

Mr. Mackey, I think you might want to entertain that this is some kind of conspiracy.

Just like 9/11. - Oh God, here we go again!

Nine-eleven was not a conspiracy, fatass! - Oh really?!

Do you just believe everything you're tolk, Kyle? - Excuse me!

Could we get back to the issue, please?!

You all don't seem to understand how serious this is!

Now who made dookie in the urinal?!

Oh, you think it's funny, huh?! M'kay! M'kay!

You're gonna think it's real funny when the police get here!

I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, but there just isn't really any evidence to go on.

But there must have been some motive.

Nobody would just dook in the urinal for no reason.

But who would benefit from crapping in the urinal?

Uh this is too big a mystery for me. I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys.

The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers with a knack for solving mysteries.

The Hardly Boys in: "The Mystery of the Urinal Turd".

So, that's it, Hardly Boys, we've got no leads and nobody admitting to the crime.

That sure is a mystery. - Yeah, it sounds super-hard.

Whoever did it must have been angry with the school.

I think I'm getting a clue. - Really?

Yeah, this is totally giving me a clue right now.

I'm starting to get a clue too. - My clue is kind of pointing this way.

Yeah, now I've got a total clue.

I've still got a raging clue.

My clue's pointing over there now! - Oh, let's follow that clue!

Did they find out who crapped in the urinal yet? - Not yet.

They aren't going to find out who did it.

But they'll make up a scapegoat, send him to detention, and make us all believe it.

It'll be 9/11 all over again.

Will you shut up about 9/11! - Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?!

Because anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard!

Oh really?

Well did you know that over one-fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy?

Are you saying that one-fourth of Americans are retards?

Yes. I'm saying one-fourth of Americans are retards.

Yeah, at least one-fourth.

Let's take a test sample: There's four of us, you're a retard, that's one-fourth.

There are soo many people who know the truth, Kyle. Uh Butters!

Hey, fellas!

Butters, do you think 9/11 was just a plot by some angry terrorists

or do you think there was some kind of coverup?

Well, I heard that 9/11 was caused by President Bush.

Aha! Do you see? - Where did you hear that?

From Eric. - I rest my case.

Butters, you don't really believe that, do you?

Well, l-uh, I mean, uu, you never know.

Uh the government does some pretty spooky things.

The government and the corporations headed by the Jews that tear down 9/11

That's right, Butters. - Goddamnit!

You see what happens when you spread this stupid crap, fatass?!

What?! People see the truth?!

Can I go now? - You guys are blind!

I can't believe that everyone here is just buying into what they're told by the media!

I'm gonna go find out the truth.

I'm gonna blow the lid off this whole 9/11 conspiracy once and for all!

Oh no...

It is wrong for me to ask questions?

Is it wrong to seek the truth?

I just can't blindly accept their version.

I can't base my logic on proof.

Almost all the evidence points one way.

But I'm like Charlie Sheen and Gloria Estefan.

I need to know what really happened On 9/11-leven-leven-leven-leven.

What really happened On 9/11?

Of course. It's so obvious.

How did we not see it before?

This is my frog he doesn't have a name.

He's a frog not a toad because toads don't ribbit. I think frogs are good pets.

Okay, thank you, Leroy, thanks for sharing your dumb little frog with the class.

Okay, anybody else have anything for Show and Tell?

All right, Eric, you can go next.

For Show and Tell today I have brought...

my shocking Powerpoint report on the truth...

behind the 9/11 attacks!

Oh Christ.

We are told to believe that the fire from the jet fuel melted the steel framing of the towers

which led to their collapse.

But did you know jet fuel doesn't burn at a high enough temperature to melt steel?

We were told the Pentagon was hit by a hijacked plane as well

but now look at this photo of the Pentagon. The hole is not nearly big enough.

And if a plane hit it, where is the rest of the plane?

So now, the inevitable question: if terrorists didn't cause 9/11, who did?

Remember that there are in fact two towers.

Two minus one is one; one one - 11.

Two minus one is one, one one.

and there are nine members on Silverstein's board of directors.

That's nine-one-one. Nine-eleven.

And take 2 - 1 + 9/11 and you get 12

which leads us all to the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.

Kyle!

Me?

Twelve contains the numbers one and two

just like the toilet yesterday where womebody went number two instead of number one!

And one and two with 911 and you get 914! Drop the 4 and it's 91!

Exactly the score Kyle got on his spelling test twelve days after 9/11!

Who has the most to gain from 9/11?! Kyle!

Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell?! Kyle!

Who dropped the deuce in the urinal?! Kyle!

But probably the most damning of all is the evidence seen in this photo of Tower 2!

When I zoomed in I saw what first appeared to be a blur, but when I computer-enhanced it.

You almost got away with it, you sneaky butthole.

Hey Token.

You you gonna watch the game tonight, Butters.

All right, all right, I was not responsible for 9/11!

God-damnit!

Hello bubbe, how was school today? - Terrible.

Oh, come on, school isn't all that bad.

But, everyone thinks I was responsible for 9/11.

Whatwhatwhaaat?!

We have to do something!

It is obvious our children are still completely confused about 9/11!

Yes, we need to go over it again in the class- room so they understand what really happened.

Well, what really happened?

There's strong evidence that what we were told isn't the truth.

Oh no, oh brother, oh God.

That's right. Did you know that there were explosions seen at the base of the towers?

Oh no, oh God, that's so retarded.

Look, what-ever you believe

the fact of the matter is somebody...

dropped a dookie in the school urinal and there's still no explanation for that!

Mr. Mackey, there are more important things going on here!

More important?!

You aren't the one, who had to walk into the boys' bathroom, okay.

After having tuh, to wake up early, you know.

There's no, no coffee in the teachers' lounge, and then you

you walk into the bathroom just to find a big dook laying there in the urinal!

Like it's laughin' at you!

He's right! The turd could have been put there to cover up 9/11!

No, I'm not saying they're related! - How do we know they're not?

We need to be brave enough to ask questions!

It's obvious that before we go any further

we need to find out who was behind 9/11 once and for all!

Who else could it have been? - This is too big a mystery for me.

I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys. - Oh no, not the Goddamend-

The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers with a knack for solving mysteries.

The Hardly Boys in:

The Case of the World Trade Center Conspiracy.

So that's about the long and short of it, Hardly Boys.

There were two towers that stood right here and they're gone.

And nobody knows who's responsible?

There are theories, but, nobody's certain.

Who would benefit most from two buildings disappearing?

I just started getting a clue. - Really?

Yeah, I'm totally getting a clue.

Oh, that's giving me a clue. Yeah, ye-yeah, I've got a raging clue right now.

Mine's pointing to the left.

Oh Frank, seriously, I have such a raging clue right now, I think we'd better follow it.

Okay, let's follow your raging clue.

Godspeed.

Kyle! - Aaaah!

Dude!

Do you mind telling me why CIA guys are coming to my house and questioning me about you?

I don't know, dude. It's like everyone's putting pieces together that aren't there.

Well why did you have to involve me? - It's not my fault.

All right, look, I've been doing a lot of research on the Web

and I found an organization who says they can prove you weren't involved in 9/11.

Really? - Come on.

We'l go out the back so they don't see you.

There's just one thing I need to know before we go: you weren't responsible for 9/11, right?

Dude.

That's all I needed.

Now you might all think I've given up finding out who crapped in the urinal. M'kay?

And maybe, maybe you think it's a victimless crime.

This, is Mr. Venezuela, the school janitor. Okay?

He's the person... who has to clean up...

when some trickster... drops a dook in the wrong toilet!

Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks an hour at best! Okay?