Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

That was a bomb.

No word as to whether it was an IED or a specific car bomb.

Over 10 fatalities reported.

Sources within ISAF suggest that ISI may be involved.

Did these phones just go down or did that fucker hang up on me?

Good thing that X was bodgy or I'd be flying right now!

I can't hear you, honey.

I need to talk to Ed Faber.

Well, then who is fronting the show?

I can't hear you!

Hey, that's my ass!

- Do you have a mother? - (SPEAKING DARI)

Don't put your ass on my hand!

Shut up, donkey pussy!

Whore! Dog-washer!

My cock in your ear!

My cock in your ear! I shit on your lips!

Eat a fart!

Hello!

Fu...

Listen up. Iraq Two is happening.

The network is stretched thin. All our talent is going there.

We need people, any people, to fill the void in Afghanistan.

And you folks here are all the unmarried,

childless personnel in this bureau.

For those of you who are behind the scenes, there are

opportunities to be on camera.

Kim, are you going to be joining in?

The travel or the crying?

Um, hopefully, the travel.

I'll think about it.

(ON TV) The success of Operation Mongoose

has overshadowed the real lesson to be learned,

that the Taliban are far from vanquished.

And as the drums of war

beat ever louder in Iraq,

the NATO mission in Afghanistan grows increasingly uncertain.

Tanya Vanderpoel, outside Lashkar Gah, Afghanistan,

- VBC World News. - (PHONE RINGING)

(ON PHONE) Hey.

I got you! Hey.

Uh, when do you get back from Houston?

I think on Tuesday. Why?

Uh, because I'm going to Afghanistan on Tuesday.

You're going to Afghanistan on Tuesday?

Yeah.

But you write news copy.

Wait. For how long?

- Like, three months. What?

Kim!

Hey!

I can't believe this worked out!

Hey, you want to have a quickie

on the changing table in the bathroom?

Yeah, I don't think I could get it up

with that little koala looking at me.

Also, they're boarding already.

Hey, don't worry. Just go. Go, go, go.

Oh, shoot, I... I copied a key for you, so...

Plants, mail.

- Anything else I'm forgetting? - I think that's it.

This is crazy.

Listen, I think it's impressive.

- Starting a new career? - (WHIMPERS)

- It's gonna be great. - (CHUCKLES)

And listen, in three months...

"I'll be back."

No, that's terrible! No.

Don't remember me like that. No.

Bye. Okay. Okay.

It's not my job. I'm a producer. General news. Enron.

These coalminers in Pennsylvania,

but you probably didn't see that.

'Cause we got two wars going on now,

so, uh, I know how to set up a BGAN

and no one will sue if I die

so I got an expedited visa, like, two days ago,

and I guess now I'm a war reporter.

Shit dick!

Corkscrew landing.

In case a missile is fired at the aircraft!

Kabul International Airport.

K.I.A.! "Killed In Action." (LAUGHS)

(OVER PA) Once again, we thank you for flying with us.

Sorry.

Uh, sorry.

Shit.

No, thank you. No, thank you.

Miss Baker?

I am Fahim.

Oh, Fahim, hi! Pleased to meet you.

The car is over here and we go.

Cover your head, shameless whore!

She says, uh... "Welcome to Afghanistan."

Okay, let's go.

Here is your local mobile. The number is on the back.

Yeah, I ordered some money last week. Still in the post.

- I'll fix you up next week. - Okay.

Yes, the air here takes some getting used to.

It's quite polluted with feces.

Ah, here she is! How are you, Kim?

Welcome to the Stan. My name's Nic.

I'll be doing your security. I'll take your bag.

Fahim. The police are giving me shit for parking here.

They just want money.

Wait, oh, no. Um, do you need money? Because the network gave me money.

No, keep that on you! No, no, no! Kim, please!

Piss off, that's it! That's it! Hey! Hey!

- I'm sorry. Sorry. Piss off!

Remember that we are at altitude here,

so drink plenty of water while you acclimatize.

Where did you learn English?

At medical school. I was a doctor.

Listen, rest up tonight.

Tomorrow, I'll drive you to the base for your embed.

And just one bag,

but make sure you pack extra socks and knickers.

That's like, um, it's like "panties," yeah?

Mmm-hmm.

So, you've been embedded before, then?

Not really. We all did hostile-zone training in 2001.

They taught us to open our mouths if we get mortared...

- That kind of stuff. - (GRUNTS)

Okay.

G'day, Qadar.

The feces smell all the way to here.

Your room, Kim, is upstairs.

Yeah, they're bloody addicted.

That one melted a laptop downloading porno.

- (SCOFFS) - Jaweed, yes,

he likes to watch men with donkeys.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's unfortunate.

Kim, this is Tall Brian.

Brian Hooper. Tall Brian.

- Hi. - I'm your shooter.

So, is there another Brian around here somewhere that you're taller than?

Short Brian. Works for Reuters.

Couldn't one of you just be "Brian"?

Fair enough. Didn't think of that.

Also Short Brian's dead.

- Oh, fuck. Really? Yes.

Anyway, welcome to the Fun House.

Home sweet home.

This is your room.

Is there a shower?

(ON TV) A nation accustomed to war

once again seeks a return to normality.

And nothing symbolizes that effort more than this place,

the Kabul Zoo.

- No, he didn't. The zoo? - (MAN SCOFFING)

Go back to Wapping.

You fucking tourist!

Uh, shit. Sorry. I'm trying to find the shower?

You're the new girl.

Oh, my God. Uh... Kim Baker.

Just got here from New York.

I'm Tanya. Oh, my God,

it's so nice to have another woman in the house!

I love that lippy color. What is that?

No, they're just really chapped.

Oh, you poor thing. Can I get you anything?

I'm sorry, I'm freaking out because I saw your

special about your embed in Korengal, and it was amazing.

Thank you. That's so sweet.

- Where's the shower? - Yes. This way.

Can I ask a favor, Kim?

- And absolutely feel free to say no. - Yeah, sure.

I hate to even bring it up.

- I feel so rude even asking this. - No, it's fine.

Can I fuck your security guys?

What? Oh.

By all means, yeah.

Yeah? I mean, I wouldn't ask,

it's just that for some reason,

the VBC use an American contractor

and, I mean, no offense, but they're all, like,

goatees and "fat-strong."

You know? But the Aussies and Kiwis are so hot.

Right. I get it. Be my guest.

You sure? Don't just say that to be polite.

No, I wouldn't. I'm not.

Even Nic? You don't want Nic for yourself?

Nic?

No. I don't. No.

That's... No, that would never happen. So you're good.

Hey! No, Kim, don't say that. You could have Nic.

In Afghanistan, you're a serious piece of ass.

Thank you. That's nice.

Because you're what, I mean, you're like,