Broad City

- Should we do it? - Let's do it!

Let's do it!

Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

Whoa!

Who-a-a-a!

Y-e-eah!

- Whoa! Oh! - Oh!

Whoo!

Oh! Yeah!

Yeah!

We made a drink!

- Yeah! - Excuse me.

Excuse me! Hey!

Uh... can I get a drink here or what.

Here you go.

Happy birthday, Craig.

Retirement. Thanks.

Whoops!

Your ankle is the size of a grapefruit.

How did you not realize it was sprained?

I mean, by that point in the night,

I wasn't feeling much of anything.

I learned that tequila is an upper...

I feel like it was, like, psychological,

like the Gazebo effect.

Placebo effect?

Yeah. Yeah.

I thought that you said you were working.

It was just, like, a really lame catering gig,

so we were, like, trying to make the most of it.

Thank you so much for coming over, Lesley.

You're the best girlfriend...

Whoa, girlfriend?

- Yeah. I mean, or partner. I like... - You...

- I like "girlfriend." - You know, this...

I think this actually brings up an interesting point.

"Partner." Yeah. "Partner" is more lesbian.

- No, no. Abb... Please don't... Abbi. - I... I... Like, I know this now.

I actually think that...

that we should stop doing...

this.

Wait, okay. Okay.

Is this about the... the "placebo" thing...

No, Abbi, it's... It's a lot bigger than that.

Whoa, Yale.

Too Kavanaugh.

Cornell? You wish.

Dartmouth. Too goyish.

Okay!!

Here it is!

Hunter freaking College, bish.

And...

I'm in, Hunter College. I'm freaking in!

Master's, bitch.

Doctorate, bitch. MD, bitch.

Well, Master's.

Whoo! Grad student.

Acceptance letter!

Whoo!

Hello.

Can I help you?

I hear you offer student discounts.

So, we can't give you a student discount

if you don't have a student ID, and this isn't a student ID.

Okay, but this says that I will be a student in like three months.

Oh, three months?

Oh, that's almost as long as we've been having this conversation.

Okay, Zahm Zena. Do we have a beef?

Oh, my God, miss?

- Okay. Jesus. I'm leaving. - Oh, no, you're not.

Your hair. It's perfect.

The curls are so plump yet so light.

Moi?

Merci beaucoup, monsieur.

I know this is crazy,

but would you consider modeling for us?

Stop. Okay, stop. Is this some sort of perverted prank?

Are you in on this... 'Cause you've been a bitch the whole time?

I know this is last-minute, but we're doing a shoot tonight.

You know what? I think that'll be good.

Perfection... Just like your curls.

See you back here at 6:00 and be camera ready.

Okay, 6:00 P.M., camera ready.

Oh, my God, did you see that? That was amazing.

I'm on a call right now. I can't talk.

Okay, something seems very locked up inside of you,

so when you decide to change your life with therapy, give me a call.

I don't understand.

Like, Lesley, I-I like you so much.

We're just not on the same page.

I'm a doctor.

I do jiu-jitsu and have hobbies. And you...

You just don't really feel like an adult yet.

And I'm sure your life is fun,

but it's really just kind of a series of wild shenanigans.

Wow.

Shenanigans?

You're 20s are for... wild "shenanigans."

But aren't you 30?

Wow, wow. You're fucking nuts, Lesley!

- What?! - Yeah. Yeah, you're nuts.

I'm just saying that you need to grow up a little bit.

Mm. Okay. Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah.

You know what... I write thank-you notes all the time.

And my phone screen isn't even cracked.

And guess what, Lesley? I'm going to a play today.

- I'm going to a matinée. - Yeah, with Ilana's parents,

who, I'm assuming, paid for the tickets.

Actually, you know what, Lesley? I think that we're done.

I think that you should get out of my house.

Finally on the same page about something.

You know what? Why don't you take your ugly-ass hat back, too.

Fine. I will.

Of course it looks cute on you. Whatever. God!

Oh, shit!

Great. Well, thanks a lot. Now I do have a crack in my screen,

- thanks to your stupid boot. - Oh, did the wig not protect it?

It didn't.

DevaCurl?! Oh, my freakin' God, Ilana!

- I know. I know! - You're gonna be a model.

I literally could not have done this without you guys.

Also, I got into grad school today.

What? That's fantastic.

DevaCurl! Ah! Oh! I'm coming to the shoot.

Of course you're coming. You're my number-one curl inspo.

DevaCurl. Ah.

DevaCurl!

Devacu-u-u-u...

uuuuuuuur...

Yeah. That is adult.

Whoo! She got the plaid slacks. She got the pink sweater.

She got the tortoise-shell clip, bish.

- Yass! I love it! - Oh, my gosh. Hold on.

Is this a grad student?

- Oh, well, mm... Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Mm!

- Yes! - I'm so proud of you, dude.

- Congrats! - Thank you!

And you must be my sexy professor.

Wow, Lesley is a true monster

if she can break up with you looking like this.

Yeah, well... she said I'm not "adult" enough

- for her, so... - Oh!

I didn't realize she was a fucking heinous bitch.

She smells like fucking shit.

- She doesn't smell like shit. - Always hated her... never liked her.

Listen, it's fine, because I have been flooding

my Instagram account with adult-ass pics all day

so she can see what she's missing out on.

Wow. I love it. Hence The New Yorker.

Hence The New Yorker, indeed.

Whatever. Enough about Lesley, okay?

Okay, so, um... I am scared

that my brother is leaving the city.

You know, I-I know that he's obviously going

to be the perfect Jewish-Canadian VJ...

I'm sorry. Is your eye okay?

I'm just going for, like, a structured architectural brow today.

No, no. Like, it's red. It looks really irritated.

Yeah, I got this, like, AC drop in my eye before.

It was just, like, air conditioning pre-cum... like Ninja Turtle juice.

It's fine.

Is it, though?

Yeah, I'll just flush it out when I cry at the play later.

O-o-oh!

Oh, my God!

I didn't tell you the best news of all.

Yep, yep, yep, yep! Whoo-whoo!

- What? - Girl, I got scouted...

to model... for Devachan.

Okay? Whoo!

- This is the Vision Board. - That's it.

- Yes! - Yes!

Oh, here she is!

My star... my DevaCurl star.

No, we had a wild night.

Eliot, your sister is a DevaCurl hair model!

I mean, this is really, very exciting

about the modeling, but, please...

let us not forget this is Eliot's special day.

It is bon voyage to New York.

My favorite neighborhood, no less...

the Theater District.

Would it kill you to put a smile on your pretty face?

You have a simply spectacular smile...

- my sweet baby. - Hey, hey, hey, lady.

You want a picture with my daughter? She's a very famous hair model.

Can we just go inside, please?

Yeah, you know, we got to cash in on this, El.

I mean, one of those whats-their-faces is worth, like, a billion dollars.

You know, you really should be putting weight on the good foot.

Yeah, but it's... I wanted the heel,

so it just, like, works.

Look at how fast you're going. Good job.

Hey, girls.

Hungry?

She's a professional.

Someone's making a dank Instagram story.

Yes, it's a story about a grown