TallBoyz

Can't we just wait at least until he graduates

and moves out of the house?

We have to tell him he's adopted.

Do we really? He's so young.

We have to tell him.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Dale?

Can you come down here for a sec?

Dale...

Oh, God, there's no easy way to tell you this.

Dale, you're adopted.

_

- _ - It's true.

We should have told you a long time ago.

We got you from a shelter.

_

There's something else we forgot to tell him.

_

Dale, you're a dog.

_

- _ - Dale, this doesn't change anything.

- We love you. - _

Of course you're a good boy!

You're our good boy!

_

_

_

We should have never taught him how to slam a door.

The director said,

"Buddy, you nailed that audition."

Oh, to makin' it happen!

To makin' it happen!

What was that audition for again?

That new Brad Pitt movie, Fight Club 2.

The Final Fight? I went out for that!

Yeah, me too!

- Well, I hope you guys get it. - I hope you both get it.

I hope you guys both get it, and I don't get it!

Oh!

- Wish me luck! - Good luck!

- Yello? - Vance, it's Dr. Young.

I've got your test results.

I'm afraid the news isn't great.

It's cancer.

- The least great news of all. - Oh my God.

This is never an easy call to make.

Also, I'm not getting great reception,

so I'm gonna jump off.

W... w... wait!

What's up?

I...

- I have cancer. - Oh my God, Vance, I'm so sorry.

Jesus! I can't even imagine

what you must be going through right now.

Don't answer that, man. Not now.

It could be my agent.

Yello?

It's cancer you've got, Dr. Young.

I... I what?

Sorry. About to go into surg.

I got a lot on my mind.

You've got cancer. I'm Dr. Young.

- Oh my God! - Anyway, gotta bolt.

That heart's not gonna bypass itself.

I have cancer too.

This sucks.

For all of us.

Yeah, but... mostly for us.

No, I know. It's just...

we've done everything together.

Grade school, high school,

Jon Lovitz School of Acting,

where he taught us how to feign surprise.

I just feel a bit left out.

I mean...

how can I be a part of this?

Maybe you should answer your phone.

It's probably nothing.

Answer it.

Answer your goddamn phone.

- Yello? - It's cancer.

Your horoscope sign's cancer, right?

Whatever it is, the stars are aligning,

'cause you just booked Fight Club 2, the Final Fight!

You 'da man, man! Cha-cha!

I got the part.

This is bullshit!

Looks like we all got something

we didn't deserve today.

Whoa, what's that supposed to mean?

Dr. Young?

You're a terrible actor, you know that?

Shut up.

- Hello? - Vance, Dr. Young.

I misread the results.

- Your cancer's benign. - Really?

Yeah, sorry about that.

Today's been crazy.

Turns out a heart can bypass itself.

Anyway, I'm gonna need a sample.

Of blood?

Hm?

No, just talking to myself.

I need a sample for a new beat I'm working on.

It's gonna be fi-yah!

Guys...

I beat cancer!

What? How?

Just healthy living, a healthy diet, and of course,

not having cancer.

Wait, so I'm the only one who has cancer now.

Well, this sucks.

Hello?

Franco, is your horoscope cancer?

Because you have cancer.

Also, it's Dr. Young. Bye.

Shit.

- I got cancer too. - Yes!

- Friends to the end! - Get off of me!

- Hello? - Tim, it's benign.

My cancer?

No, my beat. Reviews are in.

They're calling it "benign," "tepid," "lifeless," you name it.

Maybe I'll put some horns in there.

Oh, and tell Vance there was a mix-up

and he still has cancer too.

Hey, at least we're in this together.

Right, guys?

To makin' it happen?

To makin' it happen.

The three friends underwent 12 weeks of chemotherapy,

only to discover they never had cancer.

Dr. Young lost his licence,

and now peddles his mixtapes outside of the subway.

For the CBC, I'm a black reporter.

Hi, sir. How can I help you today?

Uh, I'd like to increase my withdrawal limit to $300.

Absolutely. Not a problem.

Okay...

And can I get your name and date of birth?

Chris Howrie, December 5th, 1982.

Great. And your password?

Oh... Yeah, I forgot that.

Okay.

I'll just have to ask you a few security questions to reset it.

- Please, go ahead. - Okay.

What is the name of your first pet?

- Bobo. - Excellent.

And what's the name of your first girlfriend?

Oh... Um, Hannah?

Correct.

And where did you first meet Hannah?

Um...

That feels a little personal.

Well, these were the security questions you customized.

Right. I think... it was a party?

That's not what I have here.

Oh, it was at the church dance back in Edmonton.

Correct! And where did you go after?

We ran to McDonner Parking,

and kissed under an apple tree.

God, I wish that night could have lasted forever.

Then why'd you leave?

Sorry, what?

The next security question is,

"Then, why'd you leave?"

Really? I wanted you to ask me that?

Yeah, I guess this meant a lot to you in 2008.

I honestly don't know.

Come on, Chris.

Yes, you do.

I honestly don't want to say it out loud.

Tell me!

My dad wanted me to work in the mines.

But I wanted a different life.

So I left.

You could have said goodbye.

I tried! I wrote you a letter!

A letter? I was pregnant!

I didn't know you were pregnant!

That's bullshit, Chris.

You found out I was pregnant, and you knew it was yours,

so you ran. Just like your dad!

You're nothing but a coward!

I'm not running anymore. I'm staying.

Goddammit, I'm staying!

It's too late, Chris.

- Hannah! - I'm married.

- I'm with someone else now. - Hannah!

Hannah!

I never should have left you.

And that's the password.

Wait, what?

Yup, that's the old password.

What would you like your new password to be?

Uh...

"Hannah, I never should have left you...

... 2019."

Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the turbulence.

The captain has now turned off the seatbelt sign.