Post coïtum animal triste (Post Coitum / After Sex)

JAKUBISKO FILM presents

a chilling city comedy

Oh man... - Stop it.

- Hello? - Hi! I'm on my way.

I got stuck in a traffic jam. In a cab...

No foreplay, no afterplay...

- A normal baptism with a normal priest, in a normal church.

And I want that grating! Thanks!

- What baptism? You got a kid?

- Jesus... - Adam!

Adam, you got hitched already?

- Are you crazy? The wedding's in the fall.

Oh.

We're launching a CD.

- You're destroying yourself. Diabetes is really dangerous.

I want you to cool it for once. - What do you mean?

- Well, you don't even have a flat!

Sure you won't think about it?

- This is for you. - My lQ is 167, I've got a good job,

I've always got it ready for you,

an orgasm like a blown volcano!

- Look, we fuck. Nothing else. Got that?

- Got it. You get laid and I sleep alone.

Will you invite me, Mr. Groom?

- Your boss, the one you love, is also married!

He's not!

And if I want, he'll never marry that blonde Slovak girl.

- And how will you do that? Turn her into an elephant?

I might if I need to.

Your wife can wash them next! - Thanks.

- He came to me and we made love all night.

In the morning I woke up alone and I've never seen him since.

Then six months later I heard he was dead.

He had a malignant tumor in his rectum...

He didn't want me to be there when he was dying...

- Poor soul! He didn't want her to see him dying...

How romantic!

Who knows what a soldier, dying without a weapon, thinks...

What an idiot!:

Starring

Producer

Story By

Screenplay

Script Editor

Edited By

Music

Art Director

Sound

Director Of Photography

Directed By

Adam!

- You have a hard on again. Don't you want it?

No, I am lazy.

Anyway, I told you that today's the last time.

From now on I'll only fuck my wife.

- So no then? - No, wait...

OK. You can give me head...

You're so naughty, teddy bear.

What are you doing?

That was him again. My boss. - Oh yes, important information!

Give me two invittations. I'll go with him.

- Could we talk about this later? - OK.

Ouch! Don't use your teeth!

- You're too sensitive. - Can't you do it

Iike any other woman with your lips and tongue?

- Did I tell you I found a cat? Yes, a thousand times.

Wait... - Where are you going?

Here kitty, kitty, kitty...

- You can't just... in the middle, girl! Are you stupid or what?

You should take a chill pill too!

I left her in the bathroom.

What should I call her? - This little cretin?

You can fuck off too!...

You're a real bastard.

-... It's as dumb as you. You'll get along fine.

Adam! The invitations!

- What good are they to you? - Last wish...

Maybe I'll get hitched before you, you rock star...

You are lucky.

The last two, baby.

Michal! Hey man, Michal?

What's up with all this?

- Can't you see? We're auditioning a singer...

A singer?

Well OK - a dancer.

- Do we need a dancer, man? No.

So get rid of her!...

Wait!

Who is she? - Don't know. One of your fans.

Oh? Send her up then...

He's well known.

- Why are you telling me Sabrina? You are with Zikmund every day.

- I'm just an assistant, the boss will take you more seriously.

And he might also think that I'm involved with him

if I push him like that.

- And you aren't? - Of course I am.

- I'm sorry. You're really something!

- Sabrina! - Yes?

When you take that medication

regularly you should have a check up

from time to time

- I know. I'm really sorry.

I promise I'll come.

Thanks so much. But you won't help me with my boss?

- Yes, I will. We eat at the Green Dragon every Saturday.

You're a fantastic woman, Viola!

I really don't know what I'd do without you.

He's half Czech and half ltalian.

He's crazy, but you'd never be bored with him.

- I'm not bored. - I know...

My Zikmund is wonderful.

- I believe he is. Thank you very much.

- Goodbye! - Goodbye.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

Thanks.

You don't know shit, girl.

No cock belongs to you even if you think he's wonderful.

Have you ever really been in love?

- Of course. It was really something.

And how long were you together?

About a year. Here.

Once we were doing it all night.

She was wild.

I thought she wanted to have a baby with me.

But at the dawn she got up and left.

Was there any reason?

- No. But a week later she texted me.

Said she loved me madly, but she had to leave me.

She had a rectal tumour and didn't want me

to be there when she was dying.

She was so selfish.

She shouldn't have written so you wouldn't know.

She didn't want me to suffer...

We can't grasp the thought

processes of one who's dying.

It's a totally different state of mind.

Damn!

Just when... Wait!

Come on, Jarousek! I'm in a rush!

That's our soundman.

Catch!

Thanks, soundman!...

Go!... - Bye!

Bye!

Did you like it at all?

Yeah.

Do you know what today is?

No idea. - Our anniversary....

Here's your anniversary present.

Should I open it now or wait until after my shower?

Whatever you want.

Okay then.

What could it be?

A surprise. But no!

Oh, I'm so happy!

How did you know I wanted this one?... Oh, pictures!

- We're soul mates. - Jesus. Really?

Oh, what a pity. Thanks!

I've never done it with anybody before.

I know.

And now I'm gonna be stoned.

We will both be.

If you're high, it's - it's like, empathetic...

Do you like me at least a bit?

Course I do.

Look, I can't even do it if I'm not in love.

- And how will you make love to me?

- The usual way. - What's "the usual way"?

First the foreplay and then coitus.

Oh God... Don't say,,coitus".

Describe it for me.

Look, first you get undressed.

You won't undress me?

I don't know

where all your buttons and clips and all that are.

I won't find them, I'll get depressed

and I won't get it up.

And then I'll turn you around,

I pull you closer so you feel...

...my erection on your crotch.

Don't say,,crotch".

Why not? - Don't know. It's weird!

Which anniversary this time? First date, first kiss, or what?

You really don't know? That's pretty sad, sweetheart...

Jesus Christ! I can't take this any more!

Can't you just tell me what event it is?

- Today is exactly 13 weeks since our wedding.

In a week it'll be 14!

Are you gonna bug me about it for the rest of my life? Get out of here.

- But it's good that we keep remembering it!

Dear God, what are you punishing me for?

- And what is our little honeybunch doing here?

- Our little honeybunch is taking a shit here! Close the door and get out!

God! At least one room

where I can get away from you!

You'll like it! - And then what?

Then I'll caress your back and fanny...

But this is my stomach!

Then I'll lower myself down

and gently bite your nipples...