My Wife Is an Actress (Ma femme est une actrice)

Paris. Population 2,125,246, of which 1,153,702 are women.

That's a ratio of 1.4 women to every man.

Not bad.

But laughable compared to New York, where it's 5.2 to 1.

Right. Anyway, closer to home..

I found 259 freelance professions listed.

One of them is an Actress.

There are about 10,000 in Paris,

all wacko.

My name is Yvan.

I'm 35, a sports reporter.. I'm either in a stadium,

or here, the news room of Info-Sport TV.

My chances of meeting an actress were 12-1.

When I met Charlotte,

I saw only her.

Now I realize living with an actress is a crazy thing.

What do you put when you sign an autograph?

Depends. "Kisses."

"Love..."

-Sex. -Stop fucking around.

-Jealous! - Not at all.

I catch you writing sex...

Like when I'm in London you won't imagine...

You're so lucky. I love that actor.

-That doofus? - He's great!

I can't talk to you.

- He's fabulous. - He's bald.

Thanks.

Calm down, honey.

We're going to be auntie and uncle!.

What's this "auntie" business?

What do you say? Aunt?

Don't start.

-A good uncle would say quit smoking. -After I defend you!

He's right. You should quit.

Enough. Now I feel guilty.

-You should. -What?

You always feel guilty.

You're more Jewish than your brother.

What's that mean?

What's that?

Guilty, Jewish... They married? Why are we guilty?

I didn't say that.

You always bring up Jews. Someone always does.

50 tables here, all burning to talk of Jews.

Something wrong?

-See, her problem... - It's your problem!

Just like with the names!

Could we have an autograph?

He likes Jean, Jules.

It's a boy? You know?

We don't know yet. But...

I like Abraham.

That's your right.

I just hope he's not born with a beard.

She likes Moses, too.

It's virile. Moses is virile.

Where are you going?

- Bathroom. Am I allowed? -Again?

Ten quarts of water a day for her figure!

- Don't like my figure? -Sure I do.

These autographs get to you?

Get to me? Drives me fucking nuts!

She's nuts. So am I for putting up with it. But how long?

You love her, put up with it.

Love my sister? Put up with her!

She doesn't sign autographs.

Or drink 10 quarts of water a day!

Next guy asks for an autograph I grab him...

Was that Miss Charlotte...?

- Mrs. -Could I have an autograph?

For my daughter.

Sure. She'll be right back.

-Where were we? - Next guy who asks...

Waiting here?

My daughter's sick. She has ALS.

Great.

I mean, I understand.

She'll be right back.

-Go to a game? -Sure.

A cab. We really should.

We'll go when you want. Just call me.

Don't hesitate.

Don't you open the door for my sister?

The whole family in the cab.

Feel like walking?

Here's a cab.

Come on. I want to walk.

-Why so fast? - I have to pee!

Excuse me, all right if I smoke?

Can't you read?

You're angry.

A bit much, with the names.

See? You're angry.

No, but how do I look?

It's not me. It's our problem.

Let's ask your brother.

Can't this wait until we're home?

Why not say it?

Because there is no problem.

If it's a boy, he's circumcised.

Smoke if you want to.

I can't believe I have to leave now.

London's not that far away.

-Come with me. - I have work.

But I'll come see you.

How about around the 12th?

The 12th? Why the 12th?

Uncle's fine, Dad is better.

What's wrong?

It's Charlotte!

Holy shit!

Great! How about an autograph?

Sure.

Who has paper?

A picture OK?

Yeah! A picture!

Could you take it? Just open the little door.

-The little door? - Right.

I've seen all your movies. Wow.

Don't move, girls!

No exaggeration. It can be hard to take.

It taught me stuff about curious people.

Like this young woman,

who'd never have noticed my, sex-symbol quality

without my, celebrity wife.

That made me a fantasy, object, too.

Equal, sure, but there are drawbacks.

Yeah, right. I agree.

Seewhat I mean?

Sure, yeah.

I didn't take advantage.

Well, not in that way,.

Oh shit!

License and registration.

Car yours?

My wife's and mine. You'll see on the registration.

May I see your ID?

Sure.

Thanks a lot.

-You can't help yourself. -This guy's a retard.

Look at them. Unbelievable.

Blah, blah. Look at them. They're having fun.

I'll let you go this time.

Thanks.

Put your seatbelt on.

Right.

So... good night.

One film just out, another shooting in London, starting...

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? You never stop!

And you're shooting with an incredible actor.

Who is very attractive.

Why did I say that?

No matter.

He's an artist. A real artist.

I mean a complete artist. Who also paints, right?

I haven't seen his stuff..

How's it feel to star with him?

I'm very excited.

How's it feel to star with him?

I'm very excited.

Shit. Sorry, I...

Always stop at the wrong moment.

Do you mind if I..?

How's it feel to star with him?

I'm very excited.

It's me.

You home?

- Here I am! -You scared me.

- How are you? -And you?

As long as you're here...

Watch it.

-What's up? - I'm packing.

- Make dinner? - I'm exhausted!

Some women have real jobs, hard work,

and they always make dinner.

Some men, too!

I'm fucking around.

Yeah, well, I don't like it.

I'm fucking around!

Plus, I'm sure you're serious.

-You don't care about my job. -That's not true.

See the film yet?

You didn't even go!

I was going to. I'm going to.

I said I'm going to.

You look so cute in that hat.

Call Chez Lorette and reserve.

-Are we going out? - I leave tomorrow.

Exactly, let's kick back. I'll make you a nice dinner.

I feel like eating out. I'll get ready.

Oh, shit.

Hi, I'd like a table, please.

Not before midnight?! OK, right. Thanks.

Not before midnight. Give me a break.

Hi, It's Charlotte.

Fine, and you?

Could I reserve for tonight, about nine-ish?

Great! Thanks a lot.