Broad City

Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.

Okay, so, today, we are walking from...

Sorry, one second. Nose grease.

This is gonna be the litty-est story ever.

Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.

Okay, so, today, we are walking from

the tippity-top of Manhattan

to the tippity-bottom of Manhattan.

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It's function, baby. It's fashion, baby.

It's fluid, baby.

I got to fill it up. There's nothing in there right now.

Oh, yeah, dude. I am so happy that you got these.

Phillip Lim on a Shopbop discount.

$149 at 80% off, okay?

And we're talking only half a size smaller

than the size I actually wear, so work it, dawg!

Hold on! ‭Is that the key to my heart?

Yeah, this is the key to your heart.

- What's the other one? - The key to your ass!

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- How do you feel, Abbi? - I feel good.

Bitch, how do you feel?!

- I feel great! - Yes!

Happy 30th birthday, dawg!

Whoa, Ilana, are you sure those shoes are okay?

Yes. ‭Dude, I feel more comfortable

in platforms than not.

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We're being held up here

due to someone jumping on the tracks to get a photo.

We'll be moving shortly.

Oh, my good God.

I can show you your present right now.

- Ilana, I said no gifts. - Okay, but it happens

to already be in your phone, so check your texts.

What is it?

Oh, my God!

Ilana.

What?

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Oh, my gosh!

How long has this been going on?

Ilana, this is like...

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Yes, yes, yes, yes!

To Inwood! New York City, baby!

Holy shit! There she is, the birthday girl herself!

The pigs!

Okay, no, for real, pigs.

Dude, stop it.

Stop.

You're beautiful!

She's speechless.

Morris Jumel Mansion, baby. Beside herself.

This has been here the whole time, sitting here!

Yeah.

Come on!

What?

Oh, thank you. Uh, it's just this Onion article.

It's just cracking me up, man.

That's the Times.

Wow. She's been practicing all season for this moment.

Wow, since her recovery, I'm... I'm shocked

at the eleganza she's bringing.

No parents. Her parents divorced her,

gave her over to coaches. She and her coach

have had a sexual relationship for many years.

Let's see if she can nail the triple axel!

Oh! And she nailed it!

Hair braiding!

Hair braiding!

You want your hair braided?

You want your hair braided?

No. Ilana, no.

Come on! She's black.

- She's saying it. - Hair braiding!

I just don't think that you should...

One braid.

Thank you so much.

Beautiful. It's very long.

You know what it is?

A touch of cultural appropriation

sheds light on the matter.

Whoo!

Yeah!

30, huh? Do you feel different?

You look younger, actually.

Dude, I feel fine.

- I don't know. Whatever. - No, no, no, no.

You are a-mahz-ing,

fully a-mahz-ing and "sahno" phenomenal.

Come on. ‭You have two really nice parents

and a great apartment.

Yeah, no, I... I don't know.

I guess I thought I'd be, like, married with kids by now.

I guess it's good I have the job at Anthropologie.

Yes! 'Cause, you know what? If you had kids,

they'd leave you after 18 years,

but Anthropologie, ‭you might work there forever.

I mean, I hope not.

Me, too. You're not gonna work there forever,

but you could if you wanted to

'cause you're so good at your work,

but you're surely gonna become a famous artist,

so it's not even an issue.

- Okay, let's just keep going. - Yeah.

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Damn!

- Dude, stop filming. - I'm sorry, I have to report

that Abbi just got clotheslined

by a metal pole ‭in the middle of the street.

‭- Whoa!

Ilana! My God!

- Ilana! - Ow, damn it!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just fully fell down a manhole.

Wait, are you still filming?

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dude! I'm, like, actually hurt!

I don't think I can climb up the ladder

and film at the same time.

I know what to do! Okay!

Ohh. Oh, God. Okay.

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Dude, we got to go to a doctor.

I'm fine!

Plus we gotta walk the rest of Manhattan!

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Okay, aisle 4.

Hell yeah.

Ilana. Shoot.

- Ilana! - Whoo-hoo!

Oh, my God.

I miss school only for the supplies.

Oof! Lisa Frank, bitch!

Mogul, bitch! Empire, bitch!

School supplies.

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These are good ones.

These are good markers.

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Killin' it.

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Brrring!

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Miss, um, how may I help you today?

‭I don't know, what do you go?

Well, for your lovely feet,

I'm thinking we should definitely get you

in something a little more comfy.

I think you need something definitely with arch support.

Cushioning.

Breathable. You got it.

Hi. Thank you so much.

I can't, like, lea... You know how they're always like, "Lean,"

and then they lean? Aah. Yeah, I can't do it.

I'm like, "How many layers of irony can we go?"

Skechers is selling ugly Skechers.

Please.

All right, dude. What are we even doing?

Are these comfortable or what?

Yeah, no, they're good.

They're good!

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‭Wowee, wowee, what a steal!

I'm buying these for you.

What?

- No! - Happy my birthday!

I couldn't le...

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I'll take these, please.

If you open up ‭a Fresh Kicks credit card,

these will be $9.99.

Please do not film me.

But adults do have ‭more than one credit card.

I should get the extra credit card.