Entourage

SORRY, ARI

Fuck you doing, Vince?

- I can't sleep. - Why not?

I think we should fire Ari.

- What's wrong? - I had a nightmare.

Was I with another man?

No, Vince was.

I think he's gonna fire me today.

No, he screwed up good this time, Vince. There's no denying it.

You had this movie, a movie that you love,

and he fucked it up.

Put a bullet in him. Be done with it.

Leave the gun, take the cannolis.

You're awfully quiet, Johnny.

I think everyone should just take a moment,

try my eggs Florentine and take a deep breath.

You think I should keep Ari even after this?

I'm not sure what you should do, bro.

But I do know you don't make a decision this big on emotion.

And you don't make it till you know what's next.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, nobody appreciates their girlfriend

until they get herpes from the next broad.

- Know what I'm saying? - No, I don't.

- Do you know what he's saying? - Nope.

I'm saying you don't dump your girlfriend

until you're flirting with a couple other young hotties.

See what other agents are out there, hmm?

- It's not a bad idea. - Yeah, I do have a couple.

Yeah, I'll meet other agents after I fire Ari.

I like it, Vince. Icy cold.

You know it. Give him a call, E.

Oh, yeah, real icy.

Fine, I'll call.

Hi, E.

It's not E, Lloyd. It's Vince. Hi.

Hi, Vince.

- Is he in? - I'm not sure. Hold on, let me check.

It's Vince.

This is starting early. Tell E I'll call him back.

It's not E, Ari. It's Vince.

Vince? He called himself?

Jesus Christ, this is not good.

- Tell him I'm not here. - Really?

Yeah, first rule as an agent is you never take an angry client's call

unless you have good news that will make him smile, all right?

Now go make an excuse, any excuse, and get Alan Gray on the phone.

- I already called. - Call him again.

I gotta get Vince's movie back. Now go, Lloyd, go!

I am so sorry, Vince. He is not here.

Oh, well...

Then when he gets in, tell him I'd like to have lunch.

He wants to have lunch.

Vince, I've got his schedule. There's no way he can make lunch.

He has a ginormously important lunch already planned.

Okay, then tell him to call me back.

Okay, I will.

Why the fuck did you just tell him I had a more important lunch?

Do you think that's gonna put a smile on his face?

- What did you want me to say? - That I have a huge wart

on my cock that needs removal would have been better.

Wake the fuck up, Lloyd.

- That's Alan Gray's assistant. - What does it say?

It says, "Alan will see you at 10:30."

It's 10:10. How the fuck am I gonna make it to the Valley?

By running, Ari, by running!

- He had a ginormously huge lunch. - Is that even a word?

- I don't know. - Well, whether it is or it isn't,

he should be eating breakfast, lunch and dinner with you.

He should be over here making the fucking beds.

- Ari doesn't like us anymore. - "Boutique Ari" loved us.

"Big Agency Ari" doesn't.

Ari does not appreciate the little guy.

Have I become the little guy?

- It's just an expression. - This is every agency card

any of us have been handed over the past five years.

You saved 'em all?

Yeah, like there's something weird about that.

Come on, we each pick one. Bro.

Fuck it. Ari's a dick. Let's flirt.

Okay, Rick Zimmerman, Intertalent.

Didn't they close in, like, 1990?

Oh, yeah, that was given to me during my "Midnight Caller" recurring.

Why don't we just call Terrance?

And have Vince repped by E's girlfriend's father?

- What if she dumps him? - It's a good point.

Please. I'll call the majors.

Make this easy.

Oh, yeah, I remember her.

Bitch.

23 minutes to the Valley. I'm like Chuck Yeager.

Uh-huh, he's waiting.

- Do you need a drink? - I'm all good.

- Morning, Alan. - You've got two minutes, Ari.

- Be grateful for that. - I am, Alan, I am.

So let me guess. This Ramones project

has been causing some discomfort between you and your biggest client.

Hemorrhoids cause discomfort, Alan.

This is more like open-heart surgery.

Well, maybe you should take is as a sign, Ari.

I mean, you made your name in TV packaging anyway.

Maybe talent relations just isn't your thing.

What the hell you mad at me for, Alan?

I did everything I could to get Vince on "A2."

He's a kid. He made a mistake.

You know he'd kill as Joey Ramone.

Well, maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't.

But I do know that Jake Gyllenhaal definitely will.

I saw some of his camera tests for "A2." He's brilliant.

You know what my only regret is, Ari?

That I didn't put Jake in "A1."

Because I could only imagine it would have been even bigger.

Alan, that's not really fair, okay? Vince was great.

Well, thank you, Dana, but you're here to take notes,

not offer opinions. Since there really aren't any notes to be taken,

you don't need to be here at all, do you, hmm?

Come to think of it, neither do I.

It's two minutes, Ari. Goodbye.

Hard to believe that

you've been divorced three times, Alan.

This is weird. I've never had another agent.

I don't even know what to look for.

Well, let me be your guide, Vince. Over the years,

I've developed a foolproof system for judging the merits

- of a prospective agency. - I guess you've had a lot of practice,

considering how many times you've been dropped.

Never officially dropped, Turtle.

Although one did move without telling me.

- Now what's your system? - I judge an agency on four categories--

Decor, service, amenities and ambiance.

Give up to 10 points for each category.

The agency with the highest overall score wins.

I originally devised it for my visits to day spas, but it's perfectly applicable.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a direct correlation between Vince's career

and your anti-aging regimen.

I give 'em a six for decor.

I mean, what kind of self-respecting agency

has fake plants in their lobby?

I don't think they're fake. There's a girl over there watering them.

Yeah, maybe the water's fake, huh, Drama?

Hi, Vince. I'm Vanessa, Gene's assistant.

- I love the decor. - Hi.

- And you must be Eric, hi. - How are you?

- I'm Turtle. How you doing? - Hi.

- And you are? - Not for sale, honey.

Well, everyone's waiting for you guys down at the conference room.

If you gentlemen would like to follow me.

We'll be out soon.

Didn't even offer us a drink. That's a zero for service.

Yeah, but still, I'd give 'em a 10 for amenities

if she'll let me service that ass.

The way we see it, you're not just an actor, Vince.

You're not just a movie star.

You, sir, are a brand.

Mercedes...

Coca-Cola, two of the most recognizable names

on the planet.

Vincent Chase.

We intend to make you as popular as both of them.

Vince has called three times, Ari.

That's three times more than he called all of last year.

I know. He keeps calling me, too, and I got an E-mail.

I didn't even know he knew how to do that.

- I have other information. - Yeah.

It's also regarding Vince.

Speak or I will intern you like it's 1942.

- I am not Japanese, Ari. - Speak!

Vince is taking a meeting with another agency.

- How do you know that? - The Gay Mafia

has been replaced by the Gay Assistant Corps, Ari.

We know all.

He'll be at Le Petit Four at 1:30 meeting with Andy Left.

Jesus, he's gonna humiliate me in public after all these years.

I know. It's all so sinister.

- I hate break-ups. - It ain't over yet.

Call Left's office and tell him it's Eric.

Ari.

- Oh, it's Hitler's evil twin. - I need to talk to you.

You know, Dana, the only time I've ever enjoyed talking to you

- is when your mouth has been full. - Okay, is that nice?

Ari, I have Left's office.

- Hey, Mr. Murphy. - Hey, bro, listen, I hate to cancel

on such short notice, but Vince isn't gonna be able to make lunch.

- Sorry, bro. - Oh my God. Hold on. Let me get Andy.

You don't need to do that. Just tell him he's a great big fag.

All right, see ya.

That's nice, Ari.

You ain't seen nothing yet. What's up, Dana?

I'm gonna tell you something, but you have to swear

- it's not gonna come back to me. - As always, hand on heart.

- Ari, please. - I swear.

Alan's not gonna make this movie.

He bought it just to spite Vince,

and he's gonna stick it in a drawer.

- Jesus, he really is crazy. - Mm-hmm.

- Why you telling me this? - Because I hate working for him,

and I want out. And, Ari, come on.

I mean, I love this movie. I grew up on the Ramones,

and I love it for Vince, so get me on as a producer.

Sure, how?