American Dad!

Yeah! Right! Okay!

How good are we at that?

Stan, don't you ever,

well, get bored?

Of rolling this back up?

Yeah, I mean, it's tedious, but we didn't

spend $8,000 on this thing not to use it.

What?

No, I'm talking about the way we have sex.

I mean, it's the missionary position every time.

Yes, the way God wants it.

Fun fact: The Church sent missionaries to America

to teach the Indians the proper way to have sex.

In turn, they taught us the proper way to sit

when you're in second grade.

But what if we're missing out on something

we might like even better?

I could bring in some whipped cream.

Or some jelly.

Jelly?

Do I look like toast to you, Francine?

Do I inexplicably taste better when I'm cut at an angle?

Did I take a backseat to the bagel

in the mid-'90s only to regain...

All right, Stan.

I'm just asking you to open your mind to something new.

Here's something new:

How about I don't pretend to be asleep

when I fart on your leg?

Oh... uh-oh.

Well, these eggs are uninspired.

Hey, Dad, pass the salt.

Clearly can't reach that.

I'm taking the leaf out of the table.

Don't take out the leaf, son.

You're scratching the floors, son.

It's not a one-man job, son.

Coming to you, Dad.

You better not, son.

Ah, damn it, my only blue suit.

I told you not to mess with the table.

Now, go to your room.

I do not approve of your methods!

Stan, must you spank him?

What? It's not a big deal.

I don't even hit him that hard.

Look, I'll show you.

Oh, my.

What do you mean, "Oh, my"?

It's supposed to hurt.

No, no, it does. It does.

But show me again how you do it.

What? I just swat his fanny like this.

That can't be how hard you spank him.

Yeah, it is.

It's exactly how hard I do it.

Just like this.

Oh, come on.

No way.

Oh, I don't believe you.

ANNOUNCER (over TV): Next on Fox,

another (bleep) singing contest.

Hi, Hayley.

Oh, why the tears?

I've been on 12 dates since Jeff left,

and every one's been a disaster.

I am giving up on men.

Steve, oh...

this could be my big chance.

Snot, you've asked her out 1,000 times

and she's never once said yes.

You heard her.

She said she's done with men.

You know who that leaves.

Hankie?

Thanks.

Hayley, would you,

the most beautiful woman in the world,

care to grab a slice of pizza with me tomorrow night?

Sure, Snot.

Whatever.

How do you like me now?

I did it!

Buddy, your pits.

Yo.

Oh, thanks Roger.

I needed this.

Great beer, by the way.

What is it?

It's this new Imperial IPA we just got on tap.

Tremendous flavor profile.

Pine, citrus.

Hints of creamy lemon offset by a layer of sweet malt.

It's not perfect, but it's a good first effort

from an emerging brewery.

Wow.

I'll take another.

So, how do I tell Stan

that spanking turns me on?

You can't tell Stan.

He's a prude, dude.

I know.

God, he's so repressed.

I just wish I could get him

to try something new during sex.

Well, there are ways to get people to do

what you want without their knowing it.

Are you suggesting I trick him?

Sure, it's easy.

I once got him to drink my pee by telling him

it was a fancy beer.

What an idiot.

Score? Ten-nine.

Game point.

Yes.

What the hell was that, Steve?

What?

You didn't check the ball, dick.

Game point, and you pull that crap?

What's going on out here?

It was game point, and he didn't check the ball!

You didn't check it up?

Bush league move, bro!

But, Mom, I...

Game point, and you don't check the ball?

Okay, I'm sorry.

Stan!

What's up, hon?

Steve, tell your father what you did.

I-I-I-I didn't check it up.

What?

How many times... That's it!

Steve, you disgraced the hoop.

Now, take Klaus and go to your room.

Aah, my ankle!

Stan, from now on, I'll be taking all

of Steve's spankings on his behalf.

What? Why?

Because his mistakes are a reflection on my parenting.

When Steve fails, I fail.

I don't know if that sounds...

And he kept calling fouls like a bitch.

Oh, well I am going to punish you

on his behalf for that.

Francine?

What are you...

Have you been setting Steve up this whole time?

Yes. I'm very bad.

You should spank me.

Why would you do that to him?

Spank me, and I'll tell you.

Wait, you like being spanked?

So much.

Maybe we should just try it out upstairs.

Listen here, Francine, this deviant behavior

has no place in our bedroom.

But, Stan...

You made this hand filthy.

The hand I wipe with.

And what's worse is you tricked me

into being a part of your sinful behavior.

What are you talking about?

It's not sinful.

Let's see what my favorite author,

God, has to say about that.

Thou who tricketh thine husband into sexy spanking

shall be banished to the depths of hell.

That's not in the Bible.

Let me see that.

Uh, uh...

Where are we?

I'm banishing you to these woods.

When you've purged your sick desire to be spanked,

you can come home.

What?

You can't just leave me here.

You've left me no choice.

Hyah!

Francine's been out here for two days.

I'm sure, by now, she's ready to repent

for her nasty spanking fetish.

So, Francine, are you ready to admit you're a sex pervert

so you can come back home and pick up my ties

off the closet floor?

Sorry, Stan.

The problem isn't me; it's you.

You're repressed.

And until you open your mind, I'm not coming home.

Besides, I'm doing fine out here.

Hmm, not seeing any sage.

Really?