Rules of Engagement

Here you go.

Thanks. Appreciate it.

You got it.

Oh! Check her out.

What, do you think she's on your team?

We'd be lucky to have her.

Is it just me, or have there been, lik,

tons of hot girls everywhere lately?

I can't say.

My senses have been dulled by years of monogamy.

My hormones are going nuts.

I've officially crossedr from the nausea stage of pregnancy

into the horny stage.

Nauseous then horny...

That's the reverse of Audrey's process.

I'm serious, man.

I'm going crazy. Well...

Too bad you can't do anything about it.

Who says?

I can't believe we have to have this conversation.

We're paying you to be our surrogate.

So, as long as our kid's in there

that whole area is closed for business.

Uh, you are not the boss of my business.

Well, actually, for the next five months, I am.

Um, just think of it as a, uh,

crowded night club. No one new gets in

until someone comes out.

All right. Well, before you install

a velvet rope and a bouncer down there...

I mean, it's not really an issue.

With your giant-headed baby inside me,

I don't know who'd be into me anyway.

It is pretty unappealing.

Although, the upper deck's never looked better.

I know, right? I'm kind of turning myself on.

Speaking of which, time for another drink.

Hide the kid.

Hey.

See that, uh, redhead with the rack over ther?

She's been checking you out.

Really? Mm-hmm.

You should send her a drink. Good call.

Can I send some white wine to the woman over there?

She looks more like a Scotch, beer kind of gal.

Hey, you know what would be a class move?

Send over some nachos.

You're the cheapest man alive.

Cheap like a fox.

Oh, don't forget her nachos.

Here you go, double whiskey.

Enjoy your breakfast.

Thank you.

Is this one of those, u, Leaving Las Vegas thin,

where you take a look at your life

and decide to drink yourself to death?

She asked hopefully.

No, I'm getting a wisdom tooth pulled today,

and I'm prepping. Hmm.

Um, excuse me, could I t a side order of fruit?

No need. We got the melons right here.

I know, right? I've got, like, the biggest boobs in the world.

All right, grow up, Russell.

That is just...

That's nature's way of preparing for the baby.

More like nature's way of preparing me to pound one out.

Well, I got to go.

Hey, where you going?

Uh, to meet a new friend.

It's the, uh, waitress from the bar the other .

Wait. When did that happen?

Um, after you got kicked out

for trying to get that y to buy me a surf and tu.

She and I... We had a nice little ch,

and, uh, I got her numb. Really?

Even after she saw that whole mess?

Also known as our child.

She didn't seem to have a problem with it.

So we are seeing a movie at the Alexandria.

Huh. Ooh, interesting.

You know, the Alexandria is uptow.

After the film, might the two of you

be heading in the opposite direction?

Stayed an extra 30 seconds, paid the price.

Brenda and a waitress? Russell likey.

Nothing's going to happ. I made that clear last . Her area is off-limits.

Jeff, Brenda is a grown woman.

Whatever she does with her "area" is her decision.

And if she and her fried would like me to film i.

Again, her call.

Oh, my God. You are disgusting.

You are like a cockroach.

Hmm. Pardon me? What kind of roach?

Uh, in my defense, this is not my first on.

Oh, hi, Barbara.

Hi, Lily.

Oh, isn't she so cute?

You know, I'm having a baby soon.

Oh, congratulations, Audrey. When are you due?

Oh, no, no. I'm not having it.

We're actually using a friend of my husband's as our surrogate.

But it's not weird or anything. She's a lesbian.

Mommy, what's a lesbian?

Thanks. I've been meanig to explain that to her.

Sorry.

Oh, that is such a nicel you have there.

What is her name?

Dolly. Well...

It is very nice to meet you, Dol...

Mommy!

Crap! I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Here, I'll fix her. That's okay.

Now we... Now we're going to take her to the doll hospital, okay?

Yes, yes.

I am going to take her to the doll hospital.

I'm going to take her te right now.

Watch me go, here I go.

No, there's an actual hospital at the Doll Town Store.

That's where they have to go to be repaired.

Oh, seriously? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I'll take her there for you.

Oh, okay. Thanks.

Sure. No problem, no problem.

I'll have her back to yu this afternoon, good as new.

Okay, bye-bye, Lily.

Oh, hey. Hey.

Hey, Jen, um, you remember when you said

that I wasn't a tough, edgy kind of guy?

Yes. You were wearing an avocado exfoliating mask.

Yeah, and I glowed for a week.

Well, take a look who is tough and edgy n.

Huh?

Wha... No... Wha... Are you... Are you scared?

You scared, yet a little turned on?

You got a tattoo because I said

you weren't edgy? Oh, yeah.

It's temporary, yo.

Why barbed wire? Because

it's forbidden.

It's not forbidden.

You can buy it at the hardware store.

Yeah, but they keep it behind the counter,

and you have to ask the guy.

Plus, the real one's gog to have even sharper barbs.

Come on, please, don't get a real one.

That's the wrong thing to say to a rebel, baby.

Now I only want to do it more.

Gallant is such a wuss.

Goofus, that's the guy you want to be.

Sir, Goofus is eating all the cookies himself,

leaving none for anyone. You know what?

I'm not having this argument again.

What's up your tepee, geroni-mope?

Hmm. Seems like appropriate gratitude

for making me give up my Saturday to babysit u at the dentist.

Really? What else would you be doing?

Sitting at home, reading a book about glasses?

Yes. I'm farsighted and deserve contempt for it.

Hey. Hello.

Uh, just to confirm, we will be using

all available sedatives on me?

Absolutely. Okay.

There's a switch.

A woman giving you knockout drugs.

What... What are you doing?

What Goofus would do.

But she just said you were getting a sedative, sir.

Hey, I'm having a wisdom tooth out.

It's major surgery.

It's not like your coun, where they just line yop

and have a goat kick you in the mouth.

I can't believe it costs 50 bucks to fix a doll.

Soon it will be a real baby.

Kind of a nice way to practice taking care of one.

Oh, wait. Hold the door!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Here! No, no.

Oh, you've got to be kidding. No, no, no, no.

Don't worry. Not real.

Oh, my heart's pounding, too, bro.

Uh, no. Honestly, I didn't think you were going to call.

Well, I'm glad I did. Me, too.

Oh, my God! You guys are here, too.

Oh, my God.

Jeff, what are you doing here?

Are you kidding me? I'm a huge fan of this .

You just try keeping me away from

"an Icelandic woman's te of unrequited love and redemption"...

Subtitled.

You're going to hate this.

You said The Expendables was too think-y.

They weren't expendable.

They were very necessary to the operation.

Uh, you remember Andrea from the other night?

I do, and, um...

Regarding my tip, um,

I did not expect to be seeing you again.

Well, don't worry about it.

I'm going to go get us some popcorn.

Great. Extra butter.

Okay.