In Living Color

And now, once again, it's time for Ike Turner & Hooch...

starring, Ike Turner.

- - I done told you to go on the paper!

- Tina went on the paper. I'll be damned if you don't. -

What? You tryin' to help Ike? What? You tryin' to help Ike?

You the one that need the help. Don't yell at me, bitch.

I'm Ike Turner. I'll put my foot right up in your...

And now, for this special report.

- - This is Judy Baskin for Fox News...

coming to you live from the Rodeo Galleria.

A Los Angeles jury has handed down its verdict in the Reginald Denny case.

The L.A. Four has been found innocent of all charges.

The verdict is not sitting well here in Beverly Hills.

As you can see, white people are looting the stores.

- Excuse me, ma'am. - What? I'm very busy looting.

- Are you doing this in response to the verdict? - You're damn right I am.

I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm disgusted.

That's why I took this delicious Brie, and this dry, yet delightful French burgundy.

Well, why not take a television set, a stereo, a CD player perhaps?

Oh, I have all that stuff already. Besides, it's all crap.

Now, look, if you're not looting, and you want to purchase some fine merchandise...

go see my nephew Herb on Beverly Boulevard.

- You go down there, you turn right... - Enough said.

Enough said!

As you can imagine, it's-it's absolutely frantic here.

I'm getting a little concerned for my safety.

Mall security is nowhere to be seen!

You wouldn't believe the things I've seen here today.

Gucci bags overflowing with sushi, pâté...

and those crackers with little sesame seeds on them.

Oh, my God. Look at this. L-I don't believe it!

A group of women have pulled the security guard away from the Café Au Lait Café.!

Can you zoom in on that, Joe?

They're beating him with large Sniggler Farms special edition sausages.

O- Or is it a smokehouse sampler?

It's difficult to tell from my vantage point.!

Oh.! Oh.! Th-These thugs should be stopped.!

Oh, here comes... Here comes the manager of the mall right now...

Former Mayor, Tom Bradley.

Mr. Bradley, can you tell us what's going on here and what you plan to do about this?

As manager of the great Rodeo Galleria, lfind this behavior totally justified.

I, too, was outraged by the verdict.

Are you saying you don't blame these people for what they're doing?

No, Judy. You're putting words in my mouth.

What I mean is, I don't blame these people for what they're doing.

I'd do the same thing myself, if I were in their tax bracket.

Hold on. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We've just received word that they've broken into... the Sporting Good Warehouse.

Sporting Good Warehouse? Excuse me, but I need a new nine-iron.

Well, you can see, it's a mess down here.

Oh, sir! Sir, please, can I talk to you for a moment?

- Of course. - Can I talk to you? I notice you're not looting.

Is this because you realize how irrational it is to-to burn and loot?

Uh, no. Actually, my butler and maid are looting for me.

No, no, Conchita. The silk, not the rayon.

All right. Muy bien, yes.

- It's so hard to find a good looter these days. - Hold on here.

I can't believe it. What's going on down here?

A mob is attempting to turn over the courtesy cart!

No peace! No peace! No peace! No peace!

I guess that pretty much sums it up.

Reporting live from the Rodeo Galleria, I'm Judy Baskin.

- Excuse me, but where can I get this gift wrapped? -

- Cut! I don't know, ma'am. - The gift wrap. The gift wrap!

Cut! Cut!

We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

See? I was gonna make a star out of you, but you keep messin' up.

Showin'me your mood.

That's all right, 'cause I'm in here.

- - You can't run away from me.

Alice, I'm telling you, this neighborhood has really changed!

Will you take a look at this?

I bend over to pick up a quarter today, and I get tagged!

What do ya expect Ralph? You got a butt like the back of a bus.

Oh, you're rich Alice. That's really funny.

You are good. One of these days, Alice...

One of these days... Bang! Zoom!

Smack it up! Flip it, and rub it down! Oh, no!

Oh, Ralph, step off. The only thing that smacks around here is your thighs.

Oh! Har-de-har-har, Alice!

You're good. You are beautiful!

I know what will cheer you up, Ralph. Let's go to that new hip-hop club tonight.

I hear Snoop Doggy Dog is doing his farewell performance.

Alice, I told you. I don't do these new dances very good.

And besides, I'm not in the best shape on earth.

You're right, Ralph. You're in the shape of the Earth.

You're dissin' me, Alice! You are dissin' me!

Aw, never mind. I'm going upstairs to see ifTrixie will kick it.

Word up, Alice.

You're lookin' very fly today, Alice.

Hey, Ralph. What's up?

Well, it's Alice. She wants to go hip-hop dancing tonight.

Yeah. I saw her down at the Palladium last week...

- dancing... with a black guy. - What?

A black guy? I knew it!

Norton, I knew it! Alice has got jungle fever.

You know what they say, Ralph. Once you go black...

Hamana, hamana, hamana, hamana!

Norton, you gotta help me! I need your help.

You got to teach me some of these new jack dances!

- No problem, Ralph! Chill. Chill! - All right.

- Now, as you know, Ralph, I am down with the brothers! - Right.

- Okay. Let's start with the cabbage patch! - All right, the cabbage patch.

- All right. - Gotta warm a little bit, Ralph.

Okay.

All right.

Would you come on? Do the dance!

- Okay, Ralph. Take it easy! - All right.

- Here we go! - Here we go.

Go, Ralphy! Go, Ralphy! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Go, Ralphy!

This is the running man, Ralph.

Just pretend it's last call at the all-you-can-eat buffet!

You're livin' large, Ralph! Living large!

I'm tellin' you Norton. One of these days! One of these days!

Now, come on. Help me. I'm dying here!

- All right. I'm gonna show you one more, Ralph! - All right.

- Now, watch close. - Okay.

- Can I kick it, Ralph? - Yes, you can!

- Can I kick it? - Yes, you can!

Aah! Ohh! Aah!

Ohh, aah, ohh, aah, ohh!

You are now officially out of this posse!

Okay, Ralph. The next time I see you, I'm gonna bust a cap in your ass!

Get outta here!

What were you two doing, Ralph? You're covered in sweat!

What was I doin'? I'll tell you what I was doin'.

I was movin' pretty good there, Alice.

- Why, I was movin' like Heavy D! - More like Heavy Double D.

One of these days, Alice. One of these days!

Whoomp! There it is! Whoomp! There it is!

Ralph, just tell me the truth!

All right, Alice. Norton told me you were dancin' with other guys.

So, I was tryin' to learn to dance, because I was afraid of losin' you.

Ralph, he's one of Madonna's dancers!

Why the last woman he dated was RuPaul!

I'm sorry, Alice. I just got jealous. That's all.

Oh, Ralph. Of all the homeboys in the hood, you're still the man!

Baby, you're the dopest!

Thank you very much. Come again.

- Uh, uh, uh... - How can I help you? How can I help you?

Uh, how much for a pack of Hubba Bubba?

A pack of Hubba Bubba, 50 cents.

Fifty cent? Good Lord! Fifty cent?

How many gum-gum do I get for that?

- Five gum-gum. - Five gum-gum? Five gum-gum?

I guess that's, uh, ten cent a piece, huh? Let me get one.

Okay, here you go. One pack of Hubba Bubba.

No, no, no. One gum.

I sure am hungry.

Okay, my friend. There is no one here. I guess I can give you one Hubba Bubba.

Thank you very much. Come again, please.