Casanova

Bollocks!

Get him!

Don't just stand there, get him!

- Get him! - Run, Giac, run!

Pietro!

That's the man!

- Get him! - Run!

- Gentlemen. - Gentlemen.

I'm sure we can sort this out amicably.

I'm sure we can sort this out amicably.

Look at it this way.

Look at it this way...

if you could do what I could do

then you would do it, too.

- But you can't. - But you can't.

I can, and I have,

and I'll do it again.

So you should be happy for me just a little tiny bit,

don't you think?

And you, sir, just consider.

You love your wife;

I love your wife.

Aren't we both on the same side?

If you think about it, I'm...

I'm, um...

What was it?

I'm hungry.

Maria?!

Rule of thumb,

keep your flour box and your spice box separate.

Don't go putting them together,

'cause the spice migrates.

You'll end up with bread that tastes of something foreign,

- and I'm not having that. - Excuse me.

I've had no food.

It's gone past twenty o'clock,

and no one has delivered my meal.

What's that, sir, you've had nothing, sir?

Oh, I can't apologize enough, sir.

We've got pigeon, and beef,

and I can top it off with this, sir,

lovely bit of crayfish sauce.

Have some bloody sauce!

It's "do this" and "do that."

Get your own bloody food. Do you want seconds?

Your master shall hear of this.

You'll have to shout; he's in Madrid.

And he's your master, don't forget,

so don't get clever... you're no better than me.

Now then.

Spice boxes, that's right.

Oh, and the same with the salt box. Keep it separate.

So, does that man work here?

'Course he does. He's the librarian.

Oh, he might dress like a lord,

but he's only a servant, same as you and me.

What's his name?

- Giacomo Casanova. - Really?!

Any relation?

- Who to? - The Casanova.

Whoever he is, how should I know?

There was a man with that name,

- years ago, in Venice. - Do you want this job or not?

Then stop the chat and do some work.

Scrub that table down.

"Have some bloody sauce."

I suppose you've pissed in the wine.

I'll have it if you don't want it.

Oh.

Another servant with attitude.

You're a servant yourself, sir.

Then why are you calling me "sir"?

Because that might be correct, for a man with your name.

- And you are? - Edith, sir; started today.

Off you go...

Edith.

My father was burgomaster of St. Valencia.

When I was young, he'd read to us,

stories of lords and ladies,

and of one man in particular:

the adventures of Giacomo Casanova.

Is that you?

What's a burgomaster's daughter doing working in a kitchen?

He died last year, sir.

And there's not much provision for widows...

and he had his debts.

Gambling?

- Yes, sir. - Good man!

Now, that sounds like Casanova.

Is it true, sir, all those stories about the old days?

Here they are.

My life, the truth of it.

- They say you met the Pope. - Two Popes...

And royalty.

Louis the Fifteenth, King George the Second,

Catherine the Great.

Glorious times.

My father used to warn us about Venice.

He made it sound like the most

- outrageous place... - Do you want sex?

If my reputation lives on,

then that's what you've come for.

Fine, if you want initiation, let's get on with it.

Well, it's true then,

because that's all your reputation is, sir, filth!

Since when was it filth to love a woman?

No, sir, not love, but sex, that's a different thing,

- Oh, you'd know, would you? - I don't. And not until my wedding day.

That's typical of nobility...

- Playing games with the servants. - Is that what I am?

- Nobility? - Of course you are, sir.

Giacomo Casanova, the Chevalier de Seingalt.

That's not what it says here.

Well, then tell me.

I've sworn myself to silence.

All right, then, let me guess.

If you weren't born rich, it was all poverty...

- Living in the gutter, begging for scraps. - No, it was worse than that.

I was born the son of an actress.

- Who's in tonight? - The senator's here again, ma'am.

That's three times this week.

- What's the boy doing here? - I don't know, he just turned up.

Giacomo.

Go home. You're supposed to be with your father.

- What's wrong with him? - He never says a word.

He's an idiot; he was born an idiot.

Takes after his father, then.

It's no good staring.

I can't take you with me.

I told you,

I found you a school in Padua with Dr. Gozzi.

He can look after you.

I've simply got to go right now. Do you understand?

I've got no choice.

Since your father died, I've got to earn a living,

and the Russian Court has paid for me to perform.

I can't take you with me, it's a court,

a proper court, a royal court.

I can't walk in there with a child!

Ugh! And now he's bleeding again.

Look at what I'm wearing!

How can I kiss him good-bye when he's covered in...

Aren't you going to say anything?

It's not my fault.

He's bleeding again.

Santini, give him a cloth or something.

- He's a freak, sir. - Indeed. Now give the "freak"

a cloth, come on.

Casanova, conjugate.

Anything?

Anything?

Can the homunculus speak?

Is there nothing inside that head apart from blood?

Are you the idiot?

Come on, you can talk to me.

Look at you...

All nosebleeds. No wonder they pick on you.

That's better.

There.

Your feet's dirty and all.

Got you.

I bet you're dirty all over.

Do you want me to keep going?

All right then.

That's your knees.

How about your thigh?

What do you think?

Yeah?

How about I go

all the way up?

Yes! Pipilabam, pipilabas, pipilabat.

Yes! Never mind that, here's a poem of my own.

Yes!

- Ye...! - Is it all going to be like this?

- Like what? - Pornography.

No.

Pornography's over there,

second shelf on the left.

If you know my reputation,

then you must have expected this.

You don't have to go into detail.

I'd appreciate it if you kept it clean.

That leaves about three pages.

Anyway.

I'd come alive.

I was a scholar.

Then, 15, I became a priest.

16, I was thrown out of the seminary.

I left Padua in disgrace.

Then came Venice.

Finally!

In the year of our Lord 1746, I returned to the city a man...

Soon to become...

a legend.

21 years old.

Dressed in Florentine lace and Chinese silk.

Versed in Latin and Greek,

French and Spanish and philosophy and science

and theology and music.

A head full of facts and breeches full of fire,