Happily Divorced

- Happily divorced is shot before a live audience.

Wow...

Who would've thought that I would meet

Such a nice guy after my husband left me...

To meet a nice guy.

- hey...

I can't find my thin wallet-- the one we got in mexico.

I don't want to have a bulge.

- You're gay now. You want to rethink that?

Don't worry, he's going out tonight.

Now, where was you?

Oh...Ahh...

- The blue goes with his eyes.

But the stripe, I think--

- I don't care. - Oh, he don't care.

He don't care. - He don't care. He don't care.

Oh! Who is it?

Both: It's dori and glen!

- That's my ride. I'll get it.

It's my parents.

Peter's still very close with them.

In fact, he still does my mother's--

Oh, oh, you don't care. You don't care.

- Hi. - Peter.

- Hi, ma. - Oh, honey,

Why is your lipstick all smeared?

Ohhh...

Glen, let's go.

- Elliot, my man, we're still on for the lakers.

Courtside seats, right?

'cause that's what I told all my friends.

- You tell 'em about the vip parking?

- Is it too soon to tell you I love you?

- Okay, daddy, come on. It's almost 4:30.

You're gonna be late for dinner.

Hey, sorry, elliot,

They just have no sense of boundaries.

They don't know when to--

- Now, I think we were somewhere in this vicinity.

Look, fran, I just--

- Oh, please don't start a sentence with "look."

It's never a good thing.

That's what hubbell said to katie in the way we were,

Hence the title.

- No, just that after my divorce,

I didn't see my ex-wife, ever.

- Well, that's because you moved out.

Yeah.

- Peter's gonna move out just as soon as

He can afford to get his own place.

- But he's here now, all the time.

It's like you two are still married.

He's just physically here.

Emotionally, we are completely disconnected.

And I so don't want to be talking about this right now.

And soon you will learn what a gift that is.

Look at me. I want to move on,

And I want you to be the man that I move on with.

Oh, peter...

Oy...

- Will you cheer up. You didn't blow it.

- We've established that, judi.

Why did I call out peter's name?

I know why. Because everywhere I turn,

There he is.

No wonder elliot's mad.

- You know what I do when jerry's mad at me?

Jerry's your cat.

A man is a man, baby.

And they all have short memories.

I had jerry neutered. You don't think he was pissed?

But then I offered him a treat,

He purred on my lap that night.

- What the hell are you saying?

- Call elliot. Invite him back over.

- Oh, are you kidding? - He'll never come.

- He will if you stop shouting out "peter."

- And then, in the heat of el amor,

Miss fran called mr. Elliot mr. Peter.

- And then what happened next?

- Well, then she walked in the room and looked at you

Like she wanted to kill you.

- Me? - Yes, you!

Oh...

Oh, sweetie, I feel terrible, but I'm sure elliot understood.

I mean, this is a lot of man.

- Well, I want that lot of man out of my house tonight

Because elliot and I need our privacy.

- Uh, hey, excuse me, it's my house too.

Why am I the one being inconvenienced?

- Because you're the one that turned gay and...

Turned gay!

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

- Oh, why don't you just put on that mint-green v-neck

That you had to have,

And go to that piano bar in west hollywood.

- Oh, I can't go there. - Why not?

I'm fat.

- Oh, my god! - Oh, god!

- Now, hold on! I'm gay fat.

It's a whole other scale.

Can you believe him?

He just went from zero to elton in 60 seconds.

- Look, I'll go with you, pete. I love that place.

How do you know about it?

- Well, I sing there for open-mike night.

The boys adore me.

Of course, half of them think I'm a drag queen, but...

Mama likes attention!

Who are you people?

All right, all right!

I'll get out of your hair tonight.

Thank you.

- And then you can have your privacy

With peter. Oops.

I'm so glad I called.

- I'm just glad you called me elliot.

Where are we going?

The bedroom.

Oh. Okay.

That's good, 'cause that's where I keep my bed.

You okay.

Oh, fine. Wonderful.

Just so you know, I haven't had a chance

To get to the gym this... Decade.

- Fran, I can barely see you.

I know.

Hi.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Do you mind if we just switch positions?

- I know it's been a while, but you do realize

We haven't started yet.

- No, no, I mean switch sides.

Because this side usually belonged to...

Oh, who cares?

Oh...Oh...

Oh, elliot...

Wait, what'd I say? - You're good, you're good.

- can I ask you a question?

Your ex-wife is in bed right now

Having sex with another man.

Aren't you just a little bit jealous?

Of course. Of her.

That guy looks like a fireman.

I just want her to be happy.

That's all I want too.

I mean, it's not like she hasn't had enough happiness.

Divorced five minutes,

And she already has a fireman?

Yeah, right?

When's it gonna happen for me?

When am I gonna get a boyfriend?

Hello?

I haven't dated since obama took office.

- All right, well, you're having a little dry spell.

Senator obama!

Thank you.

Judi, I feel guilty.

For what, baby?

- You know, for fruining ranny's life.

- Oh, no, no, you did not fruin ranny's life.

You stayed true to yourself. Huh?

- Oh, it's morning. I think we can go home now.

Yeah.

- Uh, guys, do you have a designated driver?

Come on, I'll drive you home.

Yay!

ow.

Oh...

Shh.

Man...Whoa!

Let's not let peter come between us again.

Last night was amazing.

- Well, this morning can be

Even amazing-er.