ClownTown

And the monkey ran off to cause even more mischief.

The end. Mm.

Okay.

That's it? - Yeah, I know. Kinda disappointing, huh?

I thought the monkey was gonna fly into space.

I guess that is the sequel. What did you think, mister?

Can you read us a book about ponies?

- Ponies? - Yeah.

Maybe next time, okay? But for right now, it is your bedtime.

- So you... - (GIGGLES)

...and you...

...are going to bed. Okay?

The last one read us the pony book.

The last one?

The last babysitter.

Oh. Well, why isn't she here tonight?

She had a... accident.

An accident?

Mama said... (SCREAMS)

I hope you two are running to get ready for bed!

Night-night, you two. Sweet dreams.

Nighty night.

Hello, Stroad residence.

Oh, hi, Mr. Stroad.

Yes, things are going great. I just put the little troublemakers to bed.

Oh, my God.

Is anyone hurt?

Okay, you're on your way home?

All right, well, I will, uh, hold down the fort until you get back.

Okay, see you soon.

(ON TV) The trail derailed just outside of Clinton.

Eyewitness reported a massive fireball.

Many residents of the local area have already been removed.

Now, representatives from the railroad have not yet been reached for comment.

Many local residents left shaken.

Now this train accident is being deemed one of the worst in the state's history.

There is no telling yet how this is gonna impact the local commun...

Megan?

Ricky?

Megan?

Ricky?

Ricky.

You scared me.

What are you doing? You need to go to bed.

Why are you dressed like that?

You better be running to your room!

Ricky?

Ricky, this isn't funny.

Are you gonna finish that or what?

Yup.

Are you gonna do that today? - Yeah. You eat too fast.

You eat too slow. We got shit to do, man.

I don't wanna be here all day. Be nice to get home by dark for once.

But if you worked a little faster, we'd get home at a decent time.

- I work slow? Yeah.

- Really? Uh-huh.

Cleanup in aisle six!

Afternoon, folks. What are you kids up to today?

- Concert in Columbus, headed up that way. - Ah, gotcha.

- I'm gonna hit the head. - Yeah, me, too.

You two have fun in there.

Sorry.

Oh, God.

- Mike. Mm.

Check it out.

What do you think?

I think the answer's still no, I'm not marrying you.

- It's for Sarah, idiot. - I know that.

We've been together for almost two years and I think it's time.

You... you and I have been together for, I don't even know how many years anymore.

I've been trying to figure out when the right time is. I feel like tonight's the night.

She's gonna say yes.

Let me see.

I don't know, man. I'm just trying to enjoy life at this point.

- It's pretty. - You ever thought about it with Jill?

No. No, it's been like eight months, I have not thought about it with Jill.

- Are you sure you wanna do it on this trip? - Yes, that's my plan.

Oh, please, please don't do it on this trip, dude.

Why?

Because you two are gonna start crying, and then Jill's gonna start crying...

...and then I'm not gonna cry, I'm gonna look like an asshole.

So what? It's not about you. It's about Sarah.

- You know how much I love her. - No, no, you guys are great together...

...she's a great girl, I got nothing but good things to say. All right.

If you are serious about this, I do have one piece of advice for you.

What's your one piece of advice, Mike?

- Are you serious? - (LAUGHTER)

Hey, my water glass is empty, think I could get a refill?

I'll be there in a minute! - You boys have fun it there?

Brad had something important he wanted to tell me.

Dude.

He just wanted to make sure he was still bigger than me.

- Sorry about that. - Oh, you're as quick as a fox.

I try to be. Just let me know if I can get you guys anything else.

Just the bill, please. - Okay.

Thanks.

Ma'am, could you tell us how to get to the 137?

We're trying to get to Columbus but my phone keeps going in and out.

It does that here, sweetheart, it's called Southern Ohio.

- You ladies heading to Columbus? - Yes, we are.

I can get you there a lot quicker.

You're gonna take the highway south two exits...

...gonna turn right, go down two streets and turn left.

That puts you right to route 137. You got that?

That sounds like it makes sense.

Really?

Hey, is there a problem here?

No problem.

I apologize for some of the trailer trash that pass along through here.

They don't know how to treat a lady. You guys are headed to Columbus if I heard correctly?

- Yeah, trying to make it to a concert. - I wouldn't take the 137...

...there's some construction down there and I've gotten reports of some delays.

- I just wouldn't chance it in a hurry. - Do you know a better way?

There's a faster way. Takes you to some small towns...

...it's pretty easy to miss a turn, you can get lost, but it is faster.

It's up to you, though.

I'm pretty sure we want to get there as fast as possible.

Alright, let me see your map here.

All right, that should be easy enough for you to figure out.

Thanks, Sheriff, we appreciate the help.

I wouldn't screw around in any of those small towns.

It's pretty easy to get sidetracked.

Nah, you've seen one backwater town you've seen 'em all.

- Mike. What? It's Ohio.

Well, suit yourself. You guys have a safe trip.

Oh, God. And then you woke up in the morning and you... (LAUGHTER)

...you went to your sock drawer and it was soaking wet and you're like, oh.

But you didn't realize that you were so drunk...

...you had woken up in the middle of the night to take a piss...

...and you thought that your sock drawer was the toilet.

My sock drawer is this tall on me. I have no idea how I even got up that high.

Wait, is that the same night that Brad went to bed wearing that ridiculous hat?

Yeah. - Yes, yes, it is.

- The furry hat, the babushka hat. - (LAUGHTER)

I've never seen Brad that drunk.

I've gotta get gas soon.

I can see if I can find a gas station on my phone.

Thank you, baby.

- What's wrong? Uh, I can't find my phone.

- What do you mean you can't find your phone? - I mean, I can't find my phone.

Great. - Oh, shit.

Guys, will you look and see if my phone is back there by any chance?

Shit. Babe, pull over, I've gotta have my phone, it's got my credit card...

- ...and my IDs and all my shit in it. I know, I know, I know, I know.

Fuck.

Ugh, fuck.

Did you have it at the diner?

Yeah, I mean, I pulled it out when we asked the waitress for directions.

Shit, I put it on the counter and then that creepy guy walked up.

- I must've left it there, shit! - It's okay.

I'm sure she picked it up and she's probably just waiting for us to go back and get it.

- If we go back now we're gonna miss the show. - What am I supposed to do?

- It's got my ID in it. - I don't know, I'm just saying.

Guys, why don't we just call the phone? See if the waitress has it.

If she does, we'll pick it up on the way back from the concert.

That's fine.

Hello? - Hello?

Hi. Uh, my friend lost her phone and this is her number.

- Yes, I believe I have your friend's phone. - Did you find it in the diner?

Hello?

- Are you there? - Where are you?

I don't know, we're on some road. We just wanna get the phone back, please.

Where are you?

- Guys, where the hell are we? Who's on the phone?

I don't know, it's just some guy, he keeps asking me where we are.

We're like 10 miles east of Route 37. I think we're on Bradley?

We're about 10 miles east of Route 37 on Bradley Road.

- I can meet you and return your phone. - Why don't we just meet you at the diner?

No, keep driving. You'll pass a sign before the railroad tracks.

Turn left, go into town, and meet me at 5th and Main. I'll be waiting.

Okay, so we drive down to where?

Hello?

Hello? Oh, God.

- He hung up. - Well, what'd he say?

He said that there's a town just up ahead, at an intersection...

- ...and he's gonna meet us there. - That's awesome.

Let's do it, come on, we're already late.

Looks like we're here.

So where is this guy?

This is where the guy wanted to meet.

He better show, he's got all my info. I can't believe I fucking left it there.

I'll try calling him again and seeing if he's close.

Just see where he's at.

Oh, I have no signal, guys, do you have one?

No.

Nothing. He's gonna show.

I can't believe this is happening. I'm so sorry, guys.

I don't get it, where is everybody?

I don't know, babe, but it's like... it's like they all just left.

I mean, he has to show up, right?

I mean, why the hell else would he tell us to meet him here?