Elfen Lied (エルフェンリート)

D'oh!

Mid-June?

Kids,

this is the holiest night of the year.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day,

and that makes tonight Father’s Day Eve.

Dad, there’s no such thing as Father’s Day Eve.

No Father’s Day Eve?

Does this mean there’s no such thing as... Daddy Claus?

Fine, there’s a Daddy Claus.

Is there a Super Bowl Bunny?

Sure, why not?

Bart, Lisa.

We’ve got to get to the mall before it closes.

Oh, can I come with you?

I know I can’t.

Hey, Mom, can I have some money

to buy Dad a present?

If I give you money, how is the gift really from you?

Where do you get your money?

Here’s a ten.

Make your own card.

Now, Ralphie, let me explain it to you again.

I give you $5 and you buy Daddy a present.

Okeydokey.

Hey, hey, give me that. Eww...

Whoa, this is a 50.

This kid’s finally paying off.

All right, Ralphie, let’s see what you can do with a hundred.

Come on, Ralphie.

Big money. Big money, Ralphie.

Big money.

("Thus Spake Zarathustra" playing)

Cool.

That’s what I’m getting. How ’bout you?

I’m afraid the best thing I could find is this.

Ay caramba.

You know,

this mass-produced junk doesn’t express how I feel about Dad.

I am making him a present that comes from the heart.

Hello. I’m looking for something in a pipe cleaner,

extra bendy, with medium fuzz.

Mm-hmm. This just came in from Zanzibar.

Oh.

Mm-hmm.

What a great Father’s Day!

Here you go, Dad.

I hope you like it.

I’ve forgotten what it is.

A Leather Buddy.

There’s no limit to what I can do with this.

Fear not, m’lady, Captain Dash Superstud

is here with his small tool.

Arr. This is the worst Father’s Day ever.

Oh, Captain, you’re so handy.

Bart, this is the greatest present I ever received.

To open another gift now would be like following

the London Philharmonic with Jessica Simpson.

What you got, Lisa?

What the hell is this?

Mm.

The unicorns are you and me, Dad.

I drew it myself.

What do you think? Huh? Huh?

Pretty heartfelt, huh? Huh?!

Oh, it’s heartfelt.

There’s no escaping that.

: Thanks, honey.

You didn’t like it, did you?

No, no, no, it’s great.

I’m done with it now.

Lisa, sweetie, I think your father

would like to put your book up on the fridge

where everyone can see how nice it is.

Aw, isn’t that cute?

Oh, Dad...

how could you?

Well, it’s not my fault.

Lousy magnet!

: Oh, no, no.

What the...

"Happy Birthday, Dad! From Lisa."

D'oh!

I still don’t understand

how her feelings can be hurt.

It’s my day.

She’s not going to get over this quickly.

I know women.

Yeah, but I know how to win women back.

I even won you back after I lost our wedding album in a bar bet.

You what?

I mean, I will win you back.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Moe, can we get a drink?

Aw, shut up and hand me more Moe heads.

Hmm?

Cool, I’m a street.

Hey, Simpson, are you gonna steal the sign?

Yeah, if a sign’s got your name on it,

you can take it,

and the cops can’t do nothing about it.

It’s like the Sixth Amendment or something.

Well, that sign would look good hidden under my bed.

Whoa. Can we dish out the peer pressure, or what?

-Huh! -Hey, Milhouse!

Cool kids ride bikes with their eyes closed.

I’m cool!

I’m out of here.

I’ve got Hebrew school.

Baruch atah adonai eloheem.

Melech h’olom...

I’m sorry I made you feel bad, honey.

But I’m gonna show you just how much I care about your feelings.

One adult and one baby, please.

I’m not a baby. A baby is zero to two.

Her first words.

Play along. It’s 50 cents less for babies.

I’d rather not go than lie.

How you doing?

So... is that your jacket on the back of that chair?

Check it out. I stole the sign.

Check it out. We stole "The Scream."

Put that away. It creeps me out.

Stupid Dad doesn’t care about my feelings.

Oh Lisa, may I borrow one of your colored pencils?

Sure, that’s all you men do, is take, and take, and take

without regard to feelings or unicorns.

Here, take my lunch, too.

Just take my whole backpack!

Which of you boys hurled Lisa Simpson’s backpack

through my window?

Oh, it had to be a boy, did it?

You think a girl can’t flip out?

Well, you’re wrong!

My flexi-cast.

Yah!

Lisa...

I hold in my hand a sticker with a frowny face on it.

Don’t make me affix it to your file.

: Don’t make me affix it to your file.

I’m peeling off the back.

Don’t make me do this.

May God forgive me.

Willie, we’ve got rats chewing through the wiring again.

Leave me alone.

I’m making me Ramen noodles.

Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,

I’m afraid we have a real problem with Lisa.

Your daughter broke a window, upended an ashcan,

and hurled a Thermos-brand thermos onto the street!

Does it still keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold?

I’m afraid it doesn’t keep any drinks anything.

I’ve asked the school psychologist to shed some light

on your daughter’s sudden burst of inappropriateness.

I’m afraid Lisa’s rage

stems from extraordinary disillusionment

with a parental figure.

In this case, her father.

Oh, sure, it’s easy to point out my faults.

It’s a little harder to shut up.

Looking at your daughter’s essays,

this isn’t a new trend.

"Daddy’s Face-Down Thanksgiving."

"Left at the Grand Canyon."

"The Day a Policeman Came to My Soccer Game."

Mr. Simpson, Lisa is at a crucial juncture.

If she doesn’t see her father

as a positive role model,

she could hate men for the rest of her life.

Oh, I know!

But how can I undo eight years of jerkiness

in two easy sessions, at no cost to me?

If, uh, I may make a suggestion?

The school is looking for a new "Safety Salamander."

When Lisa sees you teaching children

to avoid downed power lines,

it could restore her faith in you and the male gender.

Oh, I don’t know.

What happened to the last Safety Salamander?

Um, he fell asleep in the suit and suffocated.