Tales from the Darkside

Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

Go slowly.

The great ones always set traps for grave robbers.

The most innocent stone can trigger the catastrophe.

l can't take all night, Ahmed.

l don't want the Egyptian army dropping in

for a piece of this pie.

l assure you, Dr. Gromley...

Gormley.

l have told no one of my discovery, except you,

and the lady, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chop, chop.

Come on.

The minute l discovered these passages,

l could hear the song of gold and jewels.

Spare us the poetry, Ahmed.

l could have gone to the authorities, of course.

But why keep such wonderments locked in a museum

when they can be converted into cash?

You're a real philosopher.

And you, Dr. Gromley...

Gormley.

...are a practical archaeologist.

Are you sure you can get the treasures out of the country?

Don't worry about Harold.

He has his ways.

Damn right.

How much further?

l'm not exactly certain

what lies beyond this door.

Look at that!

This is as far as l've explored.

These stones presented an insurmountable obstacle.

lncredible.

What does it say?

Well, basically, what it comes down to is,

''No admittance.

No one is allowed beyond this point.''

l'll get the plastic explosives.

This shouldn't take much.

Be careful.

Yes. Proceed with the utmost extreme caution.

lt would not take much

to bring a ton of rocks down on our heads.

The risk is worth the reward, wouldn't you say?

Shouldn't we take cover?

l'm gonna do this with a series

of small explosions; use just as much power as we need.

We'll wear the thing down.

Yes. No need to destroy any valuable artifacts.

Don't worry.

lf this really is the tomb of Amenhotep,

you'll be able to buy yourself a pyramid.

Ready?

Stand back.

Here, honey.

Hold this.

Utterly amazing.

How did you do that?

l don't know.

Maybe l touched a release mechanism.

Oh, l'm not gonna stand here second-guessing a door.

Let's go.

Ahmed, you first.

Thank you, but l would gladly surrender that honor.

Oh, wow.

: Harold?

Nothing shines.

No gold?

: Well, this isn't the pharaoh's tomb.

lt's just an outer chamber.

Well, who's that, the receptionist?

''Here lies

''Tapok, Lord Chamberlain

to the Most High and Mighty, Son of the Sun, Ahknaton.''

: We found it! Told ya!

Okay, the pharaoh's tomb must be somewhere beyond that point.

All right, first things first.

-Ahmed? -Huh?

Help me lift this lid.

Oh, why disturb an employee?

Come on!

-(woman murmurs) -(Ahmed exhales)

Ready?

Yes.

Look at that necklace.

Riches to rags.

Pardon the pun.

lf this is the servant,

can you imagine what's waiting for us, huh?

That bauble alone is worth a king's ransom.

l would take it and gladly leave well enough alone.

Chicken feed, Ahmed.

We're going for the whole bonanza.

The pharaoh's chamber must be somewhere beyond this point.

A bird in the hand.

Leave it!

We'll pick it up on the way back.

This has got to be an illusion.

Oh, yeah? Tell Ahmed.

The plastique.

Hell, no. You can't set that off in here.

Press it.

Please, dear God! No!

l will strip the flesh from your bones!

Aileen, save me!

He spoke English.

l speak the language of any intruder

in this sacred burial place,

so they can hear my curse over their bloody coffins.

Humor him!

-AlLEEN: Um, hi. -(Tapok growls)

Uh, you say others have come here?

Many others!

And it has amused me

to watch their bones disintegrate.

We're not grave robbers. We're... We're scientists.

Like your astrologers. We... We only want

to study your culture.

No matter!

You're ghosts now!

l will play with you

as if you were my toys.

l will amuse myself,

and then, oblivion!

HAROLD (crying): He means it.

AlLEEN: l know he means it!

l will think... of a slow death.

A special one, something memorable

for me to recall into the next millennium.

As you wish, Lord Chamberlain

to the Most High and Mighty, Son of the Sun.

-What are you saying? -Shut up.

You know my title?!

What-What, are you kidding me?

You're a very important man.

Uh, well, yes,

but l thought that, after all these year--

Wait a minute!

You read it on my sarcophagus!

Oh...

We're dead!

l will make marbles of your eyeballs!

AlLEEN: All right.

Do it. Fine. Do it.

Get it over with.

-Aileen! -Shut up!

Yes.

Right now.

No!

No! No! No, not right now!

She was just trying to incite you.

You're not gonna let yourself get talked

into anything, are you?

l wonder how long

your heart will keep beating outside of your chest.

Not long, Your High and Mightiness.

He's not gonna kill you... yet.

-You want to bet on it?! -l-l know it.

Do you dare to doubt Tapok's declaration?

Oh, no, l'm-l'm... l'm not doubting anything,

Your Mumminess.

l'm-l'm just saying that you have had many chances

to kill us, and you actually have-have not done that.

That'd come as a surprise to Ahmed.

Uh, no, he's too bored to kill us.

That's it, isn't it?

Come on.

3,000 years of loneliness?

You want to keep us around to amuse you for a little while.

The only thing that would amuse me would be

to watch you die, inch by inch.

l think l'll use my Golden Chain of Office

to choke the air out of you, wench.

A golden death for a golden life.

Um, well, okay, kill me.

See if l care. Fine. Fine.

But you'll be snuffing out your last chance

of grabbing a few laughs for a century, at least.

Watching you squirm,

l'll be laughing for centuries.

Well, sure. l mean, who wouldn't?

But, you know, you got to think the long-term.

After 500 years or so,

those laughs are gonna be wearing a little bit thin.

l mean, sitting around, back to the old boredom,

day in and day out.

Sitting around in that old sarcophagus.

You know what you need?