The Pink Panther

Clouseau.

Yes, well, the first time I ever heard that name...

...Clouseau was just a little nobody.

A police officer in some little village far outside of Paris.

He was the village idiot as far as I could tell.

Idiot, pull up.

Monsieur Dumont, you must move your vehicle immediately.

I am so sorry, Officer Clouseau.

My chair, it won't move.

Here's your problem.

Your battery cable has come undone. Let me help.

Let's see. The positive to the negative.

The negative to the positive. There.

All right, you are ready to go.

All clear, keep it moving.

As chief inspector of the Police Nationale...

... I hear many stories of our officers in the field.

Clouseau generated many...

...many stories.

You are under arrest for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

You are under arrest for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

You are under arrest for the murder of Pierre Fuquet.

Pierre Fuquet?

The case is closed.

Needless to say...

...Clouseau did not qualify for any advancement whatsoever.

I never thought for a moment I would have any use for him...

...until that fateful day.

It was a perfect day for a murder.

France against China, with the winner advancing to the finals.

I had been invited, as chief inspector of the Police Nationale.

And because of my recent nomination for the Medal of Honor.

I have been nominated seven times.

I have never won.

But still, seven nominations...

...that's something.

Anyway, the coach of the French team, Yves Gluant...

...came out for his customary ovation.

He raised his fist to the crowd.

On it:

The Pink Panther diamond.

It was quite the symbol of pride and victory for the French team.

Gluant's girlfriend at that time...

...was Xania, the international pop star.

They had been having quite a stormy affair.

By the end of regulation time the score was tied...

...and the game went into sudden death.

For a patriotic Frenchman and a true fan like myself...

...it was almost too thrilling to believe.

And then...

...the miracle.

Yes! Yeah!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

And then, in front of a stadium filled with people...

...Gluant collapsed...

...dead.

A poison dart in his neck.

And the Pink Panther diamond...

...had disappeared.

The newspapers fed on Gluant's murder with a frenzy.

For them, the world had stopped.

For me...

...it was an opportunity for my greatest triumph.

I know what we need for the Gluant case.

-What? -An incompetent.

An unimaginative, by-the-book, low-level incompetent...

...who will plod along, getting nowhere...

...with the media watching his every step.

And while he is getting nowhere...

... I will put together the finest team of investigators in France...

...and we will hunt down the killer, retrieve the Pink Panther diamond...

...and then the Medal of Honor will be mine.

And who is this incompetent?

Oh, I think I know the perfect man for the job.

Find him and bring him to Paris.

His name is Clouseau.

Good morning, mademoiselle.

I'll be right with you.

The minister of justice sent around a new picture of himself...

...but it was bigger than Chief Inspector Dreyfus' picture.

So the chief inspector had a larger one made.

You'll find that Paris can be a very political place.

Yes, politics. Where greed wears the mask of morality.

That's good. Did you say that?

Yes, I did.

-Could you help me down? -Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, yes. Here, just-- Perhaps--

-Yes, I-- -All right.

-Wait. -Yeah.

Don't jump. Yes, that's good. All right.

I think if you put your leg right there--

-Okay. -Yes. Okay.

Yes.

-I can't see anything. -Maybe over here?

-Yes, okay. -Okay.

Over here.

The inspector will see you now.

He'll be right with you.

Clouseau.

-Clouseau. -He's coming in.

Good.

Officer Jacques Clouseau, gendarme, third class.

-That had to hurt. -No. No, not at all. No.

Clouseau, the reason we called you here--

It is lovely weather we are having.

I hope the weather continues.

The area is secure.

Oh, thank you.

Clouseau, I have reviewed your records, and it is clear to me...

...that a man of your talent merits greater responsibility...

...than you have had up to this point.

I have decided to promote you to inspector...

...the highest rank of any officer in the republic.

-Inspector? -Exactly.

And your first case is the Gluant murder...

...and theft of the Pink Panther diamond.

-I am honored. -Good.

Jacques Clouseau, by the power vested in me...

... I hereby appoint you full inspector...

...with all of the....

Here, if you would be so kind, please.

Oh, here, take my pen.

Thank you.

One does not often see the traditional French fountain pen.

I will cherish this forever.

No. It is not a gift.

That was given to me by the mayor of Paris.

Well, then...

... I cannot accept this.

The press conference.

Yes. Clouseau, there is a press conference...

...in just a few minutes down the hall...

...to introduce you to the media.

We'll meet you there. And, Clouseau?

Yes?

Good luck.

Good luck to you.

And where is the press conference?

Go under the arch...

...through the door on the right and down the hall.

Well....

The area is still secure.

Thank you.

He's perfect.

Yes, we have definitely found our man.

Why do I feel wet?

Because of the unique nature of the crime...

...we have brought in a man specially suited to the case:

Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Inspector.

Inspector.

-Yes? -Yes, what's your initial premise?

That Gluant did not want to be killed.

Everything else follows like liquid mercury...

...flowing down a-- A--

A sloping thing.

How long do you think it will take to find the killer?

Right now the killer is being surrounded by a web of deduction...

...forensic science and the latest in technology...

...such as two-way radios and e-mail.

Assign a man to be his driver who can report on his whereabouts at all times.

What kind of man?

A man who follows orders and doesn't ask questions.

Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or a woman?

Well, of course I know that. What else is there? A kitten?

Excuse me, do you think it's possible...

...that the killer could be watching you now?

Well, if I was a killer, I would certainly be watching...

...and possibly taping for later playback...

...because, you know, it's a big deal to be talked about on TV.

But I have a message for the killer:

There is no place you can hide.

There is no place you cannot be seen.

Killer, I will find you...

...because I am a servant of the nation.

Because justice is justice...

...and because France is France.

-Bonjour, Nicole. -Good morning, inspector.

Welcome to your new office.

You should probably start by going through these files.

It is lovely weather we are having.

I hope the weather...

...stays this mild.

If the weather continues...

...we are in for a lovely summer.

The area is secure.

-Are you all right? -Well, of course I'm all right.

And what is that?

-What? -Nothing.

You should probably start by looking at these files. You have to--

My leg, it crushed my leg!

Being an inspector, you'll need some new clothes.

I can take your measurements and have something sent over.

-Of course. -Please remove your jacket.

Yes.

-Do you live by yourself, inspector? -Yes, I do.

Do you get lonely?

No, not really. Not since the Internet.