30 Rock

Good morning, Lemon.

Ugh. I hate January.

It's dark and freezing,

and everyone's wearing bulky coats.

You can do some serious subway flirting

before you realize the guy is homeless.

Work is awful.

Everyone's snippy and tense.

Well, the lack of sun makes people depressed.

It's called seasonal affective disorder.

Oh, is that where the word "sad" comes from?

What? You think "sad" is an acronym

invented by psychologists?

I've been stuck inside playing online boggle.

It's messing with my head.

Star, rats, arts, tars.

It's from Nancy.

She said she's in line behind the female Larry Bird.

Oh, God.

There's a photo.

Oh, come on.

How is female Larry Bird holding hands with a guy?

What am I doing wrong?

What's that for?

I'm telling Nancy that I'm with female Kevin McHale.

So what's going on with you and Nancy, anyway?

We're just friends. It's platonic.

I have elaborate fantasies

of her husband dying in a boat explosion.

But she's getting divorced, right?

Well, she hasn't mentioned it.

It's not the sort of thing

you discuss by text or email.

Well, this is my stop.

Stop. Pots. Tops. Opts. Post.

Morning, Kenneth.

Good morning, Miss Lemon.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to snap at you.

I've got winter madness.

Lutz, do the right thing.

What's going on?

It's Lutz's turn to pick where we eat today.

Oh, boy. Lutz, don't do this.

It's my turn to pick.

I'm the picker.

Lutz, look at me.

It's a long year.

Think of the group.

- Subway. - I hope you die!

Are you out of your mind?

Whoa, you guys. Calm down.

I know we're all tired and cranky,

but we just got to get to the end of the season.

And, hey, who knows?

Maybe some people won't be coming back next year.

I don't care. Worth it.

I hate the new guy.

Loser.

Season 4 Episode 11 Winter Madness

Oh, hello.

Hey, Jack.

Go to the... --Portant...

--Ing over the... Octopus.

Nancy, I'm sorry.

The audio's bad.

Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant

if my computer is always...

Jack.

I'm messing with you.

Oh, very funny, Donna. The...

Aw, the computer froze.

Nice.

So, uh...

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I wanted to tell you I'm coming down to New York.

Oh, really? When?

June 5th. For my son's graduation.

So five months from now.

Okay.

Well, maybe you'll come up here before then?

Well, my 25th reunion

from Harvard Business School is...

June 5th.

That's too bad.

Well, I should go.

I got to scrape the icicles off the gutters.

I'm tired of waking up

to a porch full of dead squirrels.

God, I miss Boston.

See ya.

Liz, I have an idea.

Something to boost morale.

Pete, no.

I listened to you

when you wanted to take the staff

to see that "R" rated hypnotist,

and that sucked.

He was pretty bad.

Nutmeg.

Rodeo, rodeo, rodeo.

Look, I think we can take the show to Miami for a week.

What? Can we afford to do that?

If we do it on the cheap, double up rooms.

Think about it, Liz. Florida.

I can rent a convertible,

You can complain about the heat with elderly people.

I can sell this to Jack.

Cross promotional,

Deal mechanics,

Revenue streams,

Jargon,

Synergy.

That's the best presentation I've ever seen.

Get started right away.

Whoo!

One little thing.

Instead of Miami, make it Boston.

But I... I bought a parrot shirt.

Whoo! Okay.

Exciting news, guys.

There's a rumor that it's Miami. Is it Miami?

Close.

It is a city with an NBA team.

And even though Will Smith

never wrote any raps about it,

the poet Robert Lowell lived there.

Okay, we're going to Boston.

No one's happy about it.

Oh, it's freezing there.

No, no, no, it's gonna be fun.

How? Their bars close at 2:00.

You know, I went to college in Boston.

Well, not in Boston, but nearby.

No, not tufts...

Shut up. It's 14 degrees up there.

How is that supposed to make us feel better?

- Harvard. - You have been told to shut up.

Come on. Silver lining.

It's a fun vacation on the show's dime.

FYI, to pay for this vacation,

we need to cut some corners,

so we sill be doubling up hotel rooms,

and we are going by bus.

By bus?

Also, there is no Spectravision or Internet

in the hotel,

So plan ahead, gentlemen, porn-wise.

Did Pete just say we're doubling up rooms?

Did he?

Oh, this is the worst.

Well, what if, uh, you and I room together?

Oh, no. Toofer and I already talked about it.

You can't have talked about it!

You just said you didn't even know about it.

You think I like sharing a room with Toofer?

Dude is still playing that Obama song.

And yeah, I know you're standing there!

Hey, fellas, we're getting Tracy his own room,

So I assume you two will pair up?

Why would you just assume we would room together?

Why would he assume we wouldn't?

I don't know. Maybe because one of us

still hasn't read the other's screenplay.

I read it.

I just didn't like it.

Hey, Cerie, I thought you and I could be roommates.

Go out, meet guys, share clothes like twinsies.

What size are you?

Usually designers just make clothes for me,

But when I do buy stuff, I'm a child's medium.

Well, I only wear designer labels.

These are Jamie Foxx for assfarm.

But I can't room with you.

Sue and I already talked about it.

Why? You know sue says stuff about you behind your back.

She always says stuff to me about you.

Wait, what?

I was making my thing up.

You bitch!

What did you tell her, you vondruke?

Liz Lemon, I can't go to Boston.

Oh, Tracy, come on.

You don't understand.

I get in trouble on the road.

Thank you, thank you.

It's great to be here, Cleveland.

You suck.

I suck?

The rock and roll hall of fame sucks!

- Oh, yeah? - Hello.

The road is a minefield, L.L.

All those angry drunks and new temptations?

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

This Boston thing is Jack's idea.

That stupid, Irish piece of...!

Oh, boy.

Boston is not gonna go well.

Hey, leave him alone.

Stop it.