Baywatch

HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU'RE LATE.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RELIEVE ME AN HOUR AGO.

SORRY, MAN. LOLA NEEDED ME.

I GOT A MEETING WAITING FOR ME BACK AT THE LOFT.

I'VE GOT TO BE AT COURT AT THREE.

I'VE GOT A BUSINESS LUNCH IN BETWEEN.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS TO CHANGE.

AND YOU'RE SORRY?

LOOK, I'M HOLDING DOWN TWO JOBS AND A MARRIAGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF I DON'T MAINTAIN A STRICT SCHEDULE?

CHAOS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH CHAOS?

SPENT THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE THERE.

-WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT HOW TO SAVE A PERSON WHO'S DROWNING.

NOW, SAVING A LIFE DOES NOT END

WHEN YOU PULL A PERSON OUT OF THE WATER.

WHAT YOU DO ON THE SAND IS JUST AS IMPORTANT.

TODAY WE'RE GONNA PRACTICE WHAT WE LEARNED IN CPR.

SO I'M GONNA NEED A VOLUNTEER. ANYBODY?

HOBIE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

COME ON.

LIE DOWN.

NOW I'M GONNA GO OVER THE STEPS ONE BY ONE.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE GONNA TILT HIS HEAD BACK.

YOU'RE GONNA OPEN THE AIRWAY.

AND THEN CHECK FOR BREATHING.

OKAY, NOW YOU'RE GONNA PINCH HIS NOSE SHUT,

YOU'RE GONNA LEAN FORWARD,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BLOW AIR INTO HIS MOUTH.

GOT IT? NOW LET ME SHOW YOU AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, I'M OUT OF HERE.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

NOT UNLESS YOU'RE IN MEXICO.

I'M GIVING EDDIE A SURFING LESSON.

-WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME HERE. COME ON.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

HEY, GUYS, I GOT SOMETHING ON MY FISHER LINE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

WELL, HOT DAMN.

THAT'S A GENUINE ANTIQUE.

BACK IN WORLD WAR II, THE NAVY USED STRING THESE BABIES

ALL ALONG THE COAST.

THAT'S A CLASSIC.

THAT'S A BOMB.

-WHAT, THIS LITTLE FIRECRACKER? NO, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

AS LONG AS THAT SPIKE'S STICKING UP, NOTHING CAN SET HER OFF.

I'LL JUST GO DEFUSE IT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

AH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.

THIS IS A JOB FOR TRAINED PROFESSIONALS,

NOT A COUPLE LIFEGUARDS.

I'LL CALL THE BOMB SQUAD.

THEY'LL COME OUT AND CORDON OFF THE BEACH.

GO ON, CALL FOR BACKUP.

ARE YOU OKAY?

WHAT A KISS.

IT WAS JUST MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

IN YOUR DREAMS.

CRAIG, JOHN.

-AND YOU WANTED THE BOMB SQUAD TO HAVE ALL THE FUN.

ARE YOU OKAY?

OH, MAN.

I NEED A VACATION.

-GREAT, WE LEAVE HEADQUARTERS AT SIX.

-REMEMBER TO FILE THE INCIDENT REPORTS

NO LATER THAN FIVE O'CLOCK.

RIGHT.

I'M COUNTING ON YOU, MITCH,

TO KEEP THINGS RUNNING SMOOTHLY WHILE I'M GONE.

-I THOUGHT YOU WERE DRIVING YOUR SON TO THE AIRPORT,

NOT ALL THE WAY TO THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.

SORRY,

IT'S JUST THAT WITH MY YOUNGEST FINALLY LEAVING THE NEST,

I FEEL LIKE I'M EMBARKING ON A WHOLE NEW LIFE.

THIS IS THE FIRST LEG OF IT

COULD BE A VERY, VERY EXCITING JOURNEY.

DRIVE SAFELY.

YEAH. OH.

DON'T FORGET MY SOMBRERO.

IT IS GONNA LOOK SO GREAT ON THE WALL.

-FINE. -AND A PONCHO WOULD BE NICE.

AND IF YOU FIND ANY TURQUOISE EARRINGS, WOULD YOU BUY THOSE?

-SHAUNI, I'M GOING TO A BEACH, NOT A SHOPPING MALL.

SO, YOU READY?

YEAH, YOU BET.

-OKAY, HERE'S MY SHOPPING LIST. BE SURE AND HAGGLE.

OKAY, FINE.

SEE YOU MONDAY.

UH-HUH.

NICE LIPSTICK.

HEY, JOHN, EDDIE. COME ON, LET'S HIT THE ROAD.

I GOT ALL YOUR STUFF.

OH, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER SEEN THIS THING WITHOUT A TARP OVER IT.

-LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE SIX FEET OF DIRT

AND A HEADSTONE OVER IT.

-THESE THINGS WERE BUILT TO RUN FOREVER.

-ESPECIALLY IF YOU SPEND EVERY WEEKEND WORKING ON IT.

-IT WAS MY FIRST CAR. IT'S A LABOR OF LOVE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

-WHERE? -VACATION. MEXICO. SURFING.

I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A VACATION.

THAT WAS AN INVITATION THIS MORNING, WASN'T IT?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR SCHEDULE?

-I PUSHED MY COURT DATE BACK A WEEK.

WELL, LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, GUYS, PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR AN UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE.

ISN'T THIS GREAT?

A NICE, QUIET NIGHT,

A ROARING FIREPLACE,

A FRIENDLY GAME OF CHECKERS BETWEEN FATHER AND SON.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHAT FAMILY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.

DIE, BIG DOG. KING ME.

NORMAN ROCKWELL WOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOU.

WHO'S HE?

HE MAKES CALENDARS.

EVENING, MITCH.

CAPTAIN.

-I WAS JUST DRIVING AROUND AND I FIGURED

WHY NOT STOP BY AND SAY HELLO TO MITCH.

HELLO, MITCH.

I FORGOT WHAT A NICE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE.

SPACIOUS. RUSTIC. HOMEY.

-WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME TO SEE IT FROM THE INSIDE.

COME ON IN.

THANKS.

IS THIS GONNA BE A LONG VISIT?

-I HAD KIND OF AN INCIDENT WITH MY WIFE, MITCH.

AN INCIDENT?

SHE THREW ME OUT.

-I'LL GO GET A SLEEPING BAG AND SOME BLANKETS OUT OF THE GARAGE.

-I GOT BACK FROM THE AIRPORT, WALKED IN THE HOUSE,

AND THERE WERE MY BAGS.

LOOK HOW THEY'RE BULGING.

SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO PACK A SUITCASE.

I MUST HAVE SHOWED HER A HUNDRED TIMES

HOW TO DO IT RIGHT.

-WANT SOME COFFEE? SOMETHING TO EAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?

NOW THAT TED'S FINALLY GONE, OUR "SHAM OF A MARRIAGE" IS OVER.

IN 27 YEARS, I NEVER HEARD HER USE THE WORD "SHAM".

I PICKED UP SOME NEW VOCABULARY, TOO,

WHEN GAYLE LEFT ME.

YOU LIGHT?

DARK.

-LOOKS LIKE I GOT HERE JUST IN TIME, MITCH.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT CHECKERS.

AND I'M JUST THE MAN TO TEACH YOU.

-I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T LEAVE THE HIGHWAY. NOW WE'RE LOST.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

WE TURN AROUND AND WE GO BACK AND WE PICK UP THE HIGHWAY.

NO.

WE'RE NOT LOST, MAN.

ARE WE?

NO.

WELL, THEN SHOW ME WHERE WE ARE ON THE MAP.

SOME PLACES YOU HAVE TO FIND WITHOUT A MAP.

- HOW WOULD THAT SERVE YOU?

-I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, IF YOU GUYS EVER HAVE AN EXPERIENCE

AS INTENSE AS THE ONE I HAD WITH INES,

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR WAY BACK, TOO.

INES WHO?

WOO HOO HOO! WAS I LYING? THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

-HEY, GUYS, WE GOTTA LOOP OR SURF, LET'S GO.