A Teacher

Kappa Beta! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Pledges, take note.

This is what Omega Kappa Beta material fucking looks like.

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug !

Eric fucking Walker!

- Damn. - Yeah!

Yeah!

That is what I'm talking about, all right?

Who's up next?

Man, I fucking got you, bro.

- Hell yeah. - I fucking got you.

Hell yeah, bro.

Just don't blow any chunks on me.

Hey, man!

Damn, bro.

So... so you good?

- First week been good? - Yeah, so far, so good.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Listen, you need anything at all,

you fucking come to me, okay?

- I'll take care of it. - Do you know what I need?

- What? - That.

He definitely doesn't need it.

- Cheers. - Cheers, dude.

Ah.

Dude, wait.

Yo... just, like, open your eyes as wide as you can.

Open... open 'em as wide as you can.

I'm trying.

- - What the fuck?

Look at this guy.

Wait, so y'all are... y'all are roommates?

Yeah. Yeah.

Where are you from? Houston.

Oh, word. We got a lot of Houston boys

up in here. Hmm?

Yep.

Lizards are... crazy, man.

It's like a dragon or some shit.

That's fucking Caspian.

He is my emotional support animal.

- - Don't fucking laugh, bro.

Oh, no, no, no.

That lizard knows me

better than anybody, man.

I've had him for, like, 13 years.

I don't need to tell you Omega's the only frat

you should even be considering rushing right?

Preach. - My brothers always got

my back. I know that shit in my heart.

It's Omega Kappa Beta for life, baby.

And you know panties always drop for the Omega.

Ay! All right, all right.

Yo, shut the fuck up. Okay, okay.

All right, you're not gonna sit here, man,

and fucking smoke my weed and drink my booze

without telling me about you banging your teacher, man.

What?

You didn't think I wasn't gonna tell him that

a fucking legend was pledging?

- Come on. Okay, Let me... let me

get this straight. You nailed a hot...

- Mm, the hottest. - The fucking hottest teacher

while you were her student?

You hooked up with your teacher?

Yes, bro, like, multiple times,

and then... bang... sent her ass to jail,

like a fucking a savage.

Holy shit.

Yeah, bro, didn't she, like, suck you off

in the janitors' closet or something?

How old was she? She got perky tits?

Perky tits or, like, older titties?

- You know, titties taking a nap. -

- - Come on, bro. Come on, man.

You gotta give us some details, bro.

We're starving, man.

- No, man, come on. I'm good.

This is the best shit I've ever heard in my life.

I bow down to you, bro.

Dude, we all bow down to you, Eric.

Come on, it's fucking awesome.

- Just enlighten me, man. Okay?

Did she have, like, a full... full bush

or just, like, a little itty-bitty landing strip?

Shit, yes, that. All right, just cool it.

Yo, chill. Chill. He doesn't wanna

answer the question. Leave him alone.

Maybe he does. Maybe he does.

Landing strip.

God!

Some real Omega shit, right there, y'all.

Are you kidding me? He's a psycho, man.

You're a champ.

He's a champ. Get in there, bro.

Do it, man. Hell yeah.

Yes!

Goddamn legend. Future Omega right here!

Oh, my God!

No way.

What?

Shut up.

- No, what? Tell me.

- - It's fucking astounding.

That's what.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, amazing.

Okay, just give me a second.

And then... just you wait, mister.

How's that?

Yeah, it's nice.

I know who you are.

Yeah. My name's Eric.

I told you at the party.

No.

No, I mean,

I know about you and your teacher.

I went to Mayfield, and it was, like,

a huge deal there.

I saw you at the party, and I was like,

"Holy shit, it's him."

Did she teach you to do what you just did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She taught me a whole lot of other stuff too.

You wanna see?

Thank you.

All right. Hell yeah.

Yeah, buddy.

Little hair of the dog.

Cheers to a great night.

Mm, so I don't think Logan's gonna rush at Cornell.

What?

I guess they made him crawl around

on all fours in front of the Delta Phi girls,

and he fucking cried.

Oh, my God. -

He called me last night.

He tried to play it off all cool, like,

"Yeah, you know, I just decided that

I'm not really that into it anymore."

You talk to him lately?

No.

No, not since school started.

Oh, shit.

Well, you should call him, you know,

set his ass straight.

- Oh, for sure. - This brisket's so good.

Hey, so you and that teacher, you guys stay in touch?

- Nah. No?

It's fuc ked up how hard they came down on her, man.

You know, it's not like she... I don't know.

It's not like she, like, took advantage of you

or some shit.

That's what I said.

You know, it's what I've been saying.

Yeah, you know, plus, I met her.

She was... she was cool, you know.

So what? She's a little older than you.

You liked her. She liked you.

It's not a fucking crime.

They got her sitting in, like, some

federal prison or some shit?

County jail.

Oh, dude, that's... that's fucked.

Dude, you don't even know.

No, she had to take a plea deal.

She might not had to have gone in at all

if we hadn't... well, if...

if I hadn't convinced her to, like, skip town

for just us.

Um, but... I don't know. It was messed up, dude.

So stupid, you know?

Like...

Prosecutor came down pretty hard on her.

So...

- - Oh, you know, man,

you can't control that kind of thing, man.

- You know? - Yeah.

Like, people just wanna worry about shit that...

that they shouldn't be worrying about, you know?

Yeah. - It's like... it's like,

"Worry about fucking Syria

or, like, dog meat in China," right?

Yeah. Puppy meat in China.

Fuck.

This shit...

Yeah.

Honestly, man, I just try not to even think about it.