Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy

3,698 songs in this thing.

Does Earth have the best stuff, or what?

Got that right, Quill. Don't know what this thing is,

but people keep putting money in it, so it's gotta be valuable.

Maybe so, Rocket. I'm starting to doubt

this is really a ceremonial Earth warrior headdress.

I am Groot.

What's going on?

Time to pack up our Earth souvenirs and head home.

But this is your home.

Yeah. Not anymore.

Besides, the galaxy needs its guardians.

First up, the cosmic seed won't get back to Asgard by itself.

The longer we keep it here, the longer my home planet

is a target for bad guys like Thanos.

Who's hopefully gonna spend the next billion years

digging himself out of the center of the Earth.

And yet my revenge feels hollow.

What is the purpose of a destroyer with no one left to destroy?

Cheer up, Drax.

Looks like you may have some purpose left after all.

I am Groot?

Beats me, bud. What is the big deal about some rock?

According to the energy reading, this rock is Sanctuary.

Eh?

Thanos's personal asteroid?

Um, seriously? It had a name?

I'd be more concerned that it moved since we last saw it.

All right. That's it, kids. I'm turning this ship around.

Approaching target. Magnify image.

That does not look like an asteroid.

No, but it looks big enough to hold about ten asteroids.

Any idea what that symbol means?

According to something called, "The Internet,"

it stands for, "Avengers."

Otherwise known as some losers

about to be ripped off by the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Guess these "Avengers" must take their privacy pretty seriously.

Their security, too.

Security guards. Drax will destroy them in glorious combat!

Easy, Drax. This is Earth.

We don't have the technology to build sentient battle drones.

We barely figured out microwave popcorn.

You know what else you don't have?

Thanos's krutackin' asteroid.

I am Groot.

I know the scanner's picking up a reading.

From inside that doohickey.

That doohickey is too small to contain Thanos's asteroid.

Score one for the master of the obvious, and zero for the rodent's scanner.

My scanner works fine.

And don't call me rodent!

Oh, hey, look. It was a false alarm.

Let's all relax.

Whoa. Honey, I shrunk the sanctuary.

Thanos possessed a lot of powerful artifacts,

but nothing capable of this kind of mass shifting.

Who cares?

It's ours now.

I do not know my purpose,

but I am certain it is not to be a thief.

We're only stealing this rock back from whoever stole it from Thanos,

who probably stole it in the first place.

More importantly, we're protecting my planet.

You know, it's not like Earth is full of mighty heroes like us.

Huh?

Seriously? Guys, mighty?

Hey! Never underestimate the little guy.

I don't know who you freaks are, but I know you don't belong here.

I am Groot!

Like the vegetable said, what are you gonna do about it, puny?

Okay, fun fact,

Earth scientists do not normally do that.

I am Groot.

I am Hulk!

Take it easy, big guy.

- Don't hurt Groot! - Drax will destroy you!

That the best you got, green freak?

You intruders got some 'splainin' to do!

- Hey, I know that reference. - Who gives a flarg?

Ahh!

Put the tree down!

Hang in there, bud. I got an idea.

Hold still so I can smash you!

Very well.

Ahh!

Come on! Move!

You do not seem to be able to make up your mind!

You all right, Quill?

No, come on. I swear I'll call ya.

You ask me, Earth defense tech has moved way past microwave popcorn.

But your cyber security's still in the stone age.

Get off!

Ant-Man, Captain Marvel, I wanna thank you two for lending a hand in this mission.

Happy to whip you into shape anytime, Cap.

And once Dr. Banner's done studying that asteroid I shrunk,

we can check out this thing we just recovered.

Odd. My centurions are online.

It could be trouble, Tony. We better investigate.

Okay, next time you wanna take out

your aggression on something, big guy,

try a stress ball.

What? I was putting the smash-down on some intruders.

Uh, doubt it.

With my security upgrades, no one can break into this place.

You know, except me.

Tell it to the guys that broke in.

But there was a talking raccoon, and a walking tree, and...

Okay, that sounds nuts when I say it out loud.

Maybe not.

They took the asteroid!

Fan out. Form a perimeter and locate the thieves,

whatever they look like.

Left! The other left!

The other other left, bark brain!

I am Groot!

This armor does not appear as durable as we thought.

Uh-oh.

I think we found our intruders.

Told ya!

Whoa!

Ow!

Now let's smash some alien thieves.

Um, actually, we were just leaving.

You thieves ain't going nowhere.

We were trying to protect your krutackin' planet!

Uh, yeah? By stealing our stuff?

It's not yours.

You Terrans can't be trusted with Sanctuary's power.

Ahh!

Then put down the rock and your weapons, and we can discuss this.

Yeah, we could do that.

Or we could just leave with what we came for!

Afraid we can't let you do that.

Ahh!

Face it. You'll never lay an oversized green finger on me.

Well, you'll never lay a puny green finger on me!

Fortunately, I don't have to.

- I will not fight an unarmed opponent. - Fine with me.

Seriously? What's up with the Captain America get-up?

I'm Captain America.

Yeah. You fought in World War II, and you're 100 years old.

I was frozen in ice.

Oh. You mean like this?

I've faced deadlier armor.

Heck, I've worn deadlier armor, tin man.

That's, "Iron Man."

And this suit is impervious to any missile,

bomb, or plasma blast you can throw at me.

How about a magnet, Iron Man?

Hey, no!

I am Groot.

Well, don't just stand there! Fight!

I am Groot!

What do you mean you're already fighting?

Forward, troops! Free the asteroid!

Let's go while we still have an exit option.

I am Groot!

Ha-ha! Try blasting us now, suckers!

Uh, Quill, it's a tractor beam, not a force field.

I am Groot!

That's not good.

Hang on, Tony.

What was that?