Workaholics

- Okay. - Are we ready?

- Yup. Ready. - All right.

Oh, my God, Ders, come out here!

- Ders! Help! - Hurry! Hurry!

What are you guys doing up there?

Come on, we got to go. We're gonna be late.

Okay, just give us two secs.

Blake, will you do me the honor

of pulling my finger?

Sure, Adam.

I'd love to.

- It's a marble. - Yeah.

- Watch this. - What's gonna happen?

Kerplunk. Kerplunk.

There it goes.

Oh go on. Ohhh

It's Still going.

Is there something out here I'm supposed to see?

It's a... it's a roof Goldberg.

'Cause we're on the roof.

Like Rube Goldberg, but it's "roof."

We should have probably done it in the front yard.

- Yeah. - This is kind of a poor plan.

- There's the guy! - Oh!

- Oh! - Oh, it worked!

- Oh! - It worked!

Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on.

Nope. It went back up.

It went back up in the deep butt.

Can I take these blindfolds off?

- I got hot eyes. - Yeah, dude, come on.

I got to feed my Tamagotchi.

I don't want him to die.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Not yet, okay?

I want to record your faces when you find out

what we're doing for this year's Ders Day.

Dude, this better not be lame, man.

I mean, last Ders Day sucked.

Admittedly, that was the worst day of my life...

- Yeah, terrible. - And a lot of my family members

have died tragically, you know?

Blake's Day rules. Adam's Day rules.

Ders Day...

Drools. Yeah, you could've finished it.

Well, I think you're gonna be pleasantly surprised

when you find out what I have in store for you this year.

- What? - I smell it. I smell it.

We're at a mother-freaking Chili's right now,

and we're gonna use that $100 gift card

that your grandpa sent you.

- Oh, my gosh! - Yes!

I forgot about that, dude! Yes, dude!

You know how many Triple Dippers

we can buy with 100 bones?

Stop. Ready?

Okay, you can take off your blindfolds...

now and get ready for the Ders Day of your life!

Welcome to "Vikings of Scandinavia!"

What the kind of Chili's is this?

It's not a Chili's. It's a museum.

You better hope there's a Chili's To Go in here.

Oh, that's what it is.

There's definitely a Chili's To Go in here.

- You think? - Yeah, it's a museum.

- It has a Chili's To Go. - Okay.

Chili's To Go in this bitch!

And your card works there, right?

No... I... You did check on that, right?

Screw you for taking us to a fricking museum.

These places are... they're a scam.

- It's not a scam. - Yes, they are.

Your sipping the government Kool-Aid.

That's what they want you to believe.

Luckily I never had to sip from that poisonous well

because I went to private school.

You went to private school?

Yeah, I did. In fact, it was wildly private.

I was the only student.

I was taught by my mom's special friend,

Dr. Jerry Larryberry.

He was, like, a really cool guy.

Like, during the day he'd, like, teach me stuff

like history, or, you know, whatever.

And then, at night, he would... he would, um...

he'd my mom.

- Cool teacher. - Yeah, he was cool.

He also was an ex-spy on the run from the government.

He was like, "Don't believe in museums or any of that."

If you have a question, ask me."

He'd also make me chop a lot of firewood

shirtless in the backyard; he was a cool guy.

- Sure. - No way.

Museums, they give me the willies, man.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they are haunted.

I mean, there's mummies downstairs.

There's dead animals hanging all over the walls.

They're all crammed into one building.

- It's bad juju, man. - 'Cause it's fake, yeah.

Guys, there's no haunted. There's no bad juju.

This is just a regular, normal museum, okay?

As an executive in charge of our friendship circle,

I say Ders Day...

canceled.

Blake, let's go home and try

to gain my fart back from my deep butthole.

I like that idea, man.

- Okay. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, okay?

You thought I was gonna really just bring you

to a museum and show you these beautiful fossils...

Mm - hmm.

And make you learn stuff that you probably should know.

No. What? I brought you here...

to...

Steal...

Erik the Red's helmet.

- What? - Really?

Like, a secret mission to steal something?

- It's a heist, guys. - I love heists.

And we're gonna make this the best Ders Day ever.

- Heist this bitch. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Very smart. Very cool.

Tell this evil museum to frickin' "suck it."

And then we'll go to Chili's.

- Yeah, you, museum! - Suck it.

You, museum. You suck!

Hey!

- Oh, my God! - What is going on?

If you guys don't keep it down,

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

You're gonna have to ask us to leave?

What are you, the king of this place?

Doubt it.

I am the Assistant Director of the museum,

and the Director is on his honeymoon,

so, yes, for all intents and purposes,

I am the king.

Now, if I catch you causing trouble again, you're gone.

- Understand? - Understood. Understood.

- Okay. - Right. Right.

Congratulations to your boss.

God, I can't believe we're here.

I can't wait to see the helmets

and the... but, anyway, so, the plan...

- Mm-hmm. - Is that I'm gonna

steal the helmet, and you guys are gonna be lookouts.

- Cool? All right. All right. - Okay.

Hey, Ders, uh, if you could just kind of

make it quick, you know?

This place has some serious "Night at the Museum"

disaster potential.

Yeah, I bet there's, like, hell of ancient tablets

just waiting to explode all around this place.

No, probably not,

but here's my selfie stick, and you guys can play with that.

Use it to peer around corners as lookouts.

- Right? - Oh, okay.

I was wondering why you were using it.

I was like, "Wow, Ders",

"what are you, a widowed dentist

on a cruise ship or something?"

But really, it's a heist tool

disguised as a lame thing only losers have.

- Very cool. - Yeah, that's sick.

Yeah, exactly.

So, um, eyes peeled. Lookouts.

Dang, man,

I can't believe Ders took us to the museum.

I can't believe Ders thinks we're gonna sit around

and be lookouts while he gets to heist.

We're the frickin' heisters, dude.

Let's go freaking heist some stuff!

- All right. - Let's heist!

Okay, what? What are we stealing?

I have no idea. We'll figure it out.

- Let's just go look. - All right.

So it's only $13.99? Is that right?

That's right.

So it's a steal after all.

Wow, look at this.

Museum's so desperate to seem cool

they made up, like, a spooky curse.

Okay, dude, curses are very real.

- As you know, I've been cursed... - Mmhmm.

With like a very huge, long wiener.

I know that's a lie. I've seen your dick.

It's very small.

Not hard.

- Oh, my God. - What?

Well, I just figured out what we're about to heist.

You want a shmoke a bowl?

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, dude.

Yes, I like where your head's at.

But... I don't know, man.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

We just need to find the weakness in the cage.

What?

Whoa.