The Neighbors

Okay, guys, here are your pancakes.

What's with the long faces?

You know, some of my best memories

are of my mom making me pancakes in the morning.

Were they gluten-free flaxseed pancakes, too?

It's not really the greatest thing

when a pancake's best attribute is that it helps you go.

Okay, Larry, Moe, and Curly, eat your breakfast.

Hello, Clarice.

Abby, do that again. That could totally go viral.

Come here.

Okay, you know what? Be careful with all that facebooking.

One dumb mistake could follow you for the rest of your life.

- Thank God there wasn't a Facebook when we were kids. - Ohh.

I'm sure there's an embarrassing selfie

of you on the wall of a cave somewhere.

Breakfast is a lot meaner than it used to be.

Mm. Guys, F.Y.I., I'm doing the school volcano thing

in my room today.

I'm pretty psyched.

Okay, just try not to do the "burning down the house" thing today.

Mm-hmm. Speaking of burning, do you hear that sound

of that sweet, sweet cheddar burning a hole in my piggy bank?

Looks like somebody's getting herself

another horsey doll.

Hmm. You know what, Abby?

You already have a horsey doll.

Maybe you should use that money for something you need,

- like rain boots. - Yes, yes.

Do you even hear yourselves anymore?

- Just tragic. The worst.

- Let's get out of here. What?

What the hell is happening?

I-I don't get it.

- It's like living in north Korea. - Hello, Weavers.

Ask him about the envelope. It'll save us a lot of time.

- So... - Too late.

How are you doing this fine morning?

A little balmy, isn't it?

Think I'll just fan myself a bit

with this important envelope that I have here in my hand.

So, what do you got there, Larry?

What? Oh, this?

Uh, just an invitation to a wedding.

No big deal. Whatever.

My husband's co-worker from the coffee shop

has invited him to his traditional Indian wedding.

Yay! Oh, what am I going to wear?

I need something that's gonna make me really stand out.

You know, makes me the center of attention?

I'm going to wear a beautiful white gown.

Oh, whoa, guys.

Sorry, slow down.

Jackie, you can't wear a white gown to someone else's wedding.

I mean, if you guys want to go to a wedding,

you should probably sit down with us

for a couple hours first, and then you could learn

all of the different things you would need to know...

- What not to do. - And learn the tradition...

Oh, great... here come the "holier than thou" Weavers,

telling us all about what we aren't capable

of doing on our own.

How many more times are we gonna have to do this?

Don't you remember what happened last year when you said

we couldn't go to that Broadway musical on our own?

Yeah, you tried putting on your own Broadway musical,

Dick Butkus fell in the well,

and you almost ended up being exposed as aliens.

Yes, Marty, but this isn't season one anymore.

Come, wife.

Let's go work on our memorable surprise toast.

We'll open with Jay's previous girlfriends,

then we'll discuss his brother's closeted homosexuality,

and then I'll close with how much he hates his in-laws.

Don't forget to mention religion and politics.

Got it.

You know, you add six gin and tonics

and a racist remark about the busboy,

that's your mother's toast at our wedding.

- Yes. - Right?

Thought it sounded familiar.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Family, the naysayers next door think we aren't capable

of attending this traditional Indian wedding

without making a spectacle of ourselves.

What do you say?!

Are we ready to show them what we're made of?

- Yes! - Yes! - Never works out for us.

Wife, where are we with the gifts? Hmm?

Oh, I found something online called the gift registry.

- Evidently, they've already chosen their gifts. - Nonsense!

If Jay and the future Mrs. Jay know what's good for them,

they'll let Larry Bird decide what's good for them.

Dick, wow me with wardrobe.

It's a Sari.

There's no need to apologize.

Oh, boy.

Reggie Jackson, talk to me.

I checked out every movie at the local library

with the words "Indian wedding" in them.

Brilliant!

We'll watch them all and learn everything.

We'll show these Weavers

we don't need their help.

We're a sophisticated species.

Damn it. This stupid remote.

How do you get the DVD?

I think you turn the cable box off. TV's back on. Back off.

Is this even the right remote?

Dick, have you been playing with these things again?

- No. - Dick?

- What's a-u-x? - Dick, keep out of it!

Got to aim it directly.

Yes. I know.

Hmm.

Haven't seen a Bird or a Kersee all day.

- Feels weird. - It's so quiet.

Could we actually be getting an alien-free weekend?

Oh, don't say it out loud.

You'll jinx it.

What should we do with all our free time?

Oh, come on. What shouldn't we do?

Let's have a picnic.

A picnic. I love that idea!

Yeah, we always wanted to have a picnic

ever since your mom got us that picnic basket

for our wedding gift.

I remember... we were gonna have that romantic picnic

that one time. Whatever happened with that?

Uh...

Oh, yeah, that was the day I found out

I was pregnant with Amber.

Right, right. And then our lives ended.

Mm.

You want to have a picnic?

Yeah!

Okay. Come on.

So many songs.

So many horses.

So many mustaches. What is this?

It's called Bollywood, dick,

and it is the most gorgeous thing these eyes have ever seen.

The spectacle, the color, the misogyny.

These Indians... They really get it.

They even have an expression for it.

It's "balle balle."

Full disclosure... I may have nodded off

after four hours of watching people dance around on trains.

- What's a "balli balli"? - No, it's balle balle.

It's their life philosophy.

It's like "hakuna matata" but for Indians.

It means "go big or go home."

Unlike the Weavers,

who survive by saying, "no, no, no," to everything,

these Indian musicals are all about "yes, yes, yes!"

And "more, more, more!"

Balle balle! Say it with me!

Dick, you're my fourth favorite. You give it a go.

Fourth? But there's only three of us.

Oh, you're forgetting about our someday baby, Elaine.

It goes Reggie, Jackie, Elaine, then you.

I hate you, Elaine.

Balle balle.

Oh.

Hypothetical Elaine would do it better.

She'd sing it like they do in the musicals.

Whoo, that does feel good.

Hey, Max. Can we talk to you for a second?

Oh, no, is it grandma or grandpa?

Will I have to miss school for the funeral?

Oh, honey, nobody died.

We just wanted to see if you wanted to

go on a picnic with us. What do you say?

Nah. I'm good.

So, let me get this straight.

Funeral here, picnic with us here.

Um...

Stop me anytime, Max.

Yeah, there. Okay.

Now we're cooking with curry! Try it again.

These bollywood musicals have it all figured out.

Life isn't about "no, no, no" and "less, less, less."

It's about "more, more, more" and "yes, yes, yes"!

Go big...

Ooh!

This is big, guys.

Mm-hmm. This is really big.

Mm-hmm.