black-ish

Kids.

Tiny, fragile, needy.

But they are still capable of amazing things.

Alexander the Great was a military leader at age 20.

At 16, Greta Thunberg inspired millions

to fight climate change.

She even sailed across the ocean to prove her point.

Louis Braille was 15 when he invented his reading system.

15. And blind!

Jack and Diane are Johnsons, so I can't wait to see

how they're going to shake up the world.

Will you guys take us to the artisanal ice cream place

- on Ventura? - Mm-hmm.

They read your aura and give you your flavor based

- on the color of your soul. - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, that's cute. - Okay, guys, we have to go through these bills.

You know what? But here.

Here, take that 20.

- Here. - Go on your own.

Uh, pass.

I thought you wanted ice cream?

Not bad enough to go by ourselves.

Come on, Diane. Let's just get some fruit.

Thanks a lot.

Alexander the Great conquered the world.

These two won't even conquer the block.

Hey, hey, hey. Hang on.

Just because someone won't give you a ride, you're not gonna go?

You said it's on Ventura. W... Just walk.

Uh, that strip mall's not fully gentrified yet.

W...

It's anchored by a liquor store.

That liquor store has a Michelin star.

You'll be fine.

I don't know.

- Anything could happen. - Yes.

Anything could happen,

and if you go with me, you know exactly what's gonna happen.

We're gonna listen to Jodeci's first album.

Huh? I'm gonna say, "What's taking so long?"

And then I'm gonna get mad

because they have a tip jar at a self-serve ice cream place.

Listen, if you want to have fun, you should go.

By yourselves.

We're in range for dinner.

- We'll just call it. - Peace.

What the hell just happened?

Where is their sense of adventure?

Seriously.

When I was around their age, me and Sha...

we went to the recycle factory.

Ooh, recycle factory.

Okay, that's not the point of the story, Bow.

- Oh. - All right? We were crossing the street,

and as I stepped off the curb,

I noticed my foot was on something.

I look down, and it was tickets to the Clippers' first game

- in Los Angeles. - No.

Floor seats.

That sounds like a dream sequence

that was cut out of "Boyz n the Hood."

Yeah, it took us two buses to get to the LA Sports Arena.

- Oh. - We sat next to Donald Sterling.

- Ew. - He did not like that.

- No. - But the Clippers... they won that night.

And in that moment, I became a Clipper fan.

None of that would have been possible, Bow,

if I was not out there.

Is this why you're so upset that Jack is a Lakers fan?

- Now, that is a betrayal, Bow. - Uh-huh.

It makes no sense to just root for whatever team LeBron is on.

I wish that our kids had more of a sense of adventure, too,

but you can't force it.

But it needs to happen now, Bow, because if it doesn't,

they're gonna miss out on the fun of finding shortcuts

through people's yards or... or exploring abandoned buildings.

- What? - Or playing touch football

- on the on-ramp to the 105 freeway. - You're...

Those are all crimes.

You didn't grow up in Compton, Bow.

As much as I tried to let it go,

I couldn't shake the feeling

that Jack and Diane were missing out on something

that was critical to my childhood.

Gentlemen, Stevens and Lido is now a church,

and if anyone asks,

you are all men of the cloth and I don't pay any taxes.

Worked for Kanye.

Whoa, uh, Deacon Johnson, hello?

Yeah, I would have thought you'd be more into this.

Oh, sorry. I was...

I was just thinking about Jack and Diane

refusing to go outside into the neighborhood

in the middle of the day.

Is Sherman Oaks no longer a safe White neighborhood,

or have more, uh... "apartment people" moved in there?

Nah, it's perfectly safe.

Kids just aren't built the same anymore.

It's the milk.

We had that good '80s steroids milk.

- Mm. - Kind that made you want

to fight your mama when you ran out of cereal.

It wasn't the same for Zoey and Junior.

You know, but Jack and Diane have grown up

with all these gadgets and apps at their fingertips.

They basically never have to leave the house.

Smart phones make dumb kids.

Boy, there is nothing like a good adventure.

When I was a young lad, I once got lost in the woods for days.

Had to go house-to-house, surviving on nothing

but my wits and the kindness of strangers.

Kind of like, uh, trick-or-treating, but to live.

God, that must have been so scary.

Oh, it was.

Turns out, I never left my family's property

and everyone I met worked for us, but eventually,

I ran into my driver, Tomathy,

and he popped me in the back of the limo

and took me back to the big house. So...

That's nothing. When I was growing up as a kid in Missouri,

me and my best friend, we built a raft,

and we went all the way down the Mississippi River,

having all kinds of adventures.

That's just what happened in "Huckleberry Finn," Charlie.

- Mm. - This is ridiculous, Dre.

Your entitled children are abusing your kindness.

Oh, i-it's a dangerous world, man,

and Jack and Diane are not free-range kids.

Okay, now I see what's happening, Dre.

This is all your fault.

You have domesticated your children.

Oh, my God.

You're right.

Yeah.

They might as well be wearing those little shock collars

that you put on barking dogs and carnival workers.

You know what? I got to go fix this right now.

Wait, what about our happy hour?

If you don't come, it'll be a sad hour,

and I've got enough of those, thank you very much.

I'm pretty sure you can find another sucker

who has nothing else better to do.

So, she's 28, blonde, a lawyer from Ukraine.

I think it's gonna work out.

All right, next round's on me. You guys want anything?

- I'm good. - Good one, man!

I mean, you're hilarious, handsome, generous.

I mean, you're just the total package, huh?

- But I'm good. Thanks, anyway. - You sure?

- Yeah, yeah. - You sure? All right. All right, all right.

What was that?

It's employee review time,

and I'm putting all my money moves on Josh.

Sometimes you got to kiss the ring in order to get that bling.

You know what I'm talking about?

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Even less than usual.

I thought Stevens does all the reviews?

No. Everyone knows Stevens makes Josh do the reviews.

Josh is thirsty for friendship,

and I am thirsty to get out of this crippling debt.

One time I went with him to a Laguna Beach cat show.

Got a five-finger bonus.

I think you mean "figure."

I do not.

You could have used that money to pay down your debt.

You don't understand how finances work, brother.

You got to suck up to him, Junior.

Talk about his interests...

cats, poker, cats playing poker, poking cats.

That's how you get that bonus.

Hey-o!

Hey, Josh, I hear you're amazing at poker.

I'd love to play sometime.

What?! I got a game this Saturday!

- You should come play! - Mm. Saturday.

I actually got a date on Saturday.

Bring her.

Date night playing poker is so much fun, man.

We'll probably go all night, and there's like four guys.

They're kind of a good consistent rotation.

It's all the guys that I met online.

You know, I think I can reschedule.

That's great. That's great!

Hey, as Lady Gaga would say, bring your poker face.

It was late when I got home, and I knew exactly

where my unadventurous children would be.

Jack! Sleep is for the weak!

- You're going to get some ice cream. - No, run! Run, Jack!

W-What's going on? It's 10:45.

Which means your ass has 15 minutes

to get to Sprinkle Sprankles.

Come on! Hurry up!

- Let's go! - I hate when Mom's on call.

Dad, this is ridiculous.

It's dark outside.

Yeah, this is when adventures happen.

Now, go out there and grab yourself a double scoop of life.

Ooh! Oh, lord, it's a ghetto bird.

Okay, uh, black-owned!