Shredderman Rules

? I'm feeling of this change That I'm on to something new

? There's something in the air

? Something that could break our tune

? A spark of light is visible from where I stand

? I can see it getting bright

? The time is getting close at hand

? Pulled me to jump off to the path that leads me to the place

? I'm looking out for better days ?

I never understood why I should care about

creatures that lived 60 million years ago,

had brains the size of Pez,

and happily crushed the smaller and weaker of their species

simply because, well, they could.

Until the day I realized that I was the weaker of the species.

Put me down!

And, for me, it seemed there was no escape.

It's terrible, but true.

Right here at Cedar Valley Junior High, a predator stalked the halls.

A beast more horrible and cruel and smelly

than any creature we ever learned about in Mr. Green's class.

Bubba Bixby was the T. rex of my world.

And I, Nolan Byrd, was his lunch.

For someone who paid zero attention in school,

Bubba Bixby actually taught me a lot.

There's the noogie,

purple nurples,

the fish hook,

goober yo-yo,

the donkey dance,

the finger snap sap,

and the never-gets-old classic, the atomic wedgie.

Where did this guy come from?

Did he crawl out of the primordial ooze?

Or was the theory of nature versus nurture to blame?

After all, Bubba's father, the Sewage King of Cedar Valley,

taught Bubba everything he knew.

And none of it was good.

Searching for a solution to my endless Bubba nightmare,

my parents forced me to meet with the school principal, Dr. Voss.

This little tiff between yourself and young Mr. Bixby

is just a good life lesson, Nolan.

The world is full of rambunctious people like Bubba.

And... Well, learning to deal with it is all part of growing up.

You should be thanking him.

Thanking him?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah, that helped.

My ex-best and only friend, Max, ditched me for Bubba

to protect his own butt.

I guess he felt being Bubba's right hand

was better than being under his left foot.

Whoo!

Those of us who didn't join forces with the enemy

were given nicknames.

I'm Weird-Eyed Wally.

Teeny the Weenie.

Art the Fart.

Dirt Wad Todd.

Man-Hands Miriam.

And, of course, I was no exception.

Byrd Turd.

Byrd Turd.

Byrd Turd.

Byrd Turd.

Here's Byrd Turd. Byrd Turd.

Something had to change.

Was this how it was gonna be forever?

Here, ducky.

Byrd Turd.

I hope not.

Thankfully, there was still one place on Earth

where I could forget about Bubba.

Emerald Pond was the only place

I could perfect the so-far impossible task

of piloting three remote vehicles at once.

That's right. I said three.

History will have to be made another day.

Okay, truth.

This isn't the only reason I love hanging at the pond.

I first saw Isabel here when I was in kindergarten.

Hi, my name is Isabel. I made my own kite.

Isabel was the kind of girl who could smile after eating a fudge brownie

and still look perfect.

And through all we had in common, our mutual love of the pond,

and the aerodynamics of flying,

our relationship had blossomed into nothing.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, just great.

Man!

Oh, your kite got... Uh, the...

Do you... Do you need, uh...

Okay, so you wanna help? Thank you.

Oh... Yeah.

Thank you.

Too high...

Can't reach...

There were robin eggs in the nest

and I didn't wanna scramble eggs.

Well, thanks. I guess.

Nolan Byrd, you are so weird.

I could've been a hero.

Could. Have. Been.

Sure, you're a great hero, Gecko.

But maybe it's time to surrender.

Surrender? The word has no meaning to me.

Until now.

Give up? Never.

Together, Sticky, we will defeat the epicenter of injustice

and save the universe.

Together, we ride.

Hey, kiddo, beautiful day.

Why aren't you out playing hoops, or handball, or catching something?

Bubonic plague would be nice.

Well, why don't you fly your planes over at the pond?

Hey, how's that three-remote challenge coming along?

A little slow since my planes blew up.

Well, why don't you hang out with Max?

He's embraced the dark side.

And just think, you and Max

were going to get married when you were five.

You know, I still have the tape.

Nolan's my best friend, and I love him.

We're gonna get married.

Yeah.

We're gonna get married.

For the record, he proposed. Not me.

Bubba's on your back again.

I don't want to talk about it.

No... On your back, there.

What?

Why? How does he do that?

Maybe it's time for another sit-down with Principal Voss.

Oh, please. I taught Sheila Voss.

She makes as much sense as horns on a poodle.

Bullies versus nerds has been an ongoing struggle

since cave nerds invented fire,

and cave bullies thanked them by burning their butts with it.

Don't let Bubba get under your skin, Nolan.

Not quite sure that whole cave nerd comparison

was the morale booster you intended there, Dad.

Oh, your dad's not saying you're a nerd.

He just means that all of us go through these awkward stages.

And well... You know, back in the day,

your father was perceived as some kind of a nerd and...

Look at him now.

Semicolon.

Sweet jet pen you got there, Byrd Turd.

Think I'm gonna have to get me one of these.

That's mine.

All right, guys,

if you could stop text messaging each other under your desks,

we can get our day started.

Thank you.

Whatever happened to passing notes?

Anybody remember? Paper, pen?

No? Okay, great.

All right, well, as you all know,

today is the first Monday of the month,

and that means...

? Project assignment day ?

Yeah.

Yeah. Sweet.

You're my boy, Dirt Wad. I expect a B.

Hey, you should shred on this one.

You get to use your computer, so have a good time with it.

Cool, Mr. Green.

Okay, everybody, this month I want you guys to do

a multimedia report on an issue that is important to you.

Anything goes this month, okay?

You can use the Internet. You can use your computer, digital camera,

Ouija board, two cans and a string. Whatever you want.

Just take advantage of the technology.

All right, everybody, now close your eyes.

And think about what gets you going.

It could be a person or an issue.

The most important part is, pick a topic that you feel passionate about.

I want you to reach inside and find that thing

that you care deeply about.

Nolan...

Or even that injustice that you want to change.

Find your inner voice,