black-ish

Dre: As a father,

there's nothing better than the birth of your first son.

Your son is the person

who is supposed to carry on your legacy,

your flyness,

someone you hope will be just like you.

So it's a real kick in the berries

when you find out your son isn't a damn thing like you.

I'm gonna go try on my tights.

It's even worse when you find out

not only is he not like you...

He's not like anybody.

I want to have a Bar Mitzvah. A...?

I'm gonna go with either Schlomo or Schmuel. What?

You get to be my best man.

Ohh!

Bachelor party at Medieval Times!

Ahh.

I finally got the coffee order right!

Ohh! So there's nothing more exciting

than realizing your son

might be more like you than you thought

and that he might have a shot at a social life

that doesn't involve action figures and wizards.

Dre: Hey, son.

What's up? Can I talk to you for a second?

Oh. Yeah.

Um, are these kids here to copy your homework?

No. They're my friends.

Okay, go, go, go, go. Go play with your friends.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Babe, babe, you'll never guess what happened.

Huh?

Junior is over there with his friends,

and they are talking about the Drake-Meek Mill beef, right?

He said that Drake "bodied" Meek.

And I said, "Son, is that good?"

and he looked at me and laughed.

Okay?

He sonned me, Bow.

He said I'm the guy

that's probably still listening to Meek Mill.

He bodied me.

That means he destroyed me.

That is very disrespectful.

I should talk to him.

Oh, yeah. Try it. Okay.

He'll son you, too. What?

And I have never been prouder.

Those guys he's with...

...they say they're his friends,

but I think they're probably trying to get to me.

Okay, Dre, Junior's been hanging out with Wes and Kevin

for the last couple of weeks.

They're clicking.

Uh, please, Bow, they are not clicking.

Okay. All right?

They are vibing and on their way to a lituation.

And if you were cool,

you would know that that is a lit situation.

Did you just look that up, Dre? Nope.

Give me your phone.

It's, uh... It's out of battery power.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

That's my, uh...

That's my out-of-battery-power ring.

Okay. It's just letting me know

that we can't do nothing with it no more. Right.

Dre, I don't know what the big deal is.

Junior has always had friends.

Yeah, but not like these.

What?

This is a game changer.

What? Bow...

Huh? I think I love him now.

What? Dre... I really feel it...

Hey, Mom, can my boys come over tomorrow?

Oh, no, sweetheart. Yes!

We've got the... Yes, son!

We have... Your boys can come over tomorrow!

Can I also get the new Jordans coming out this Saturday?

Maybe for your birthday. Quiet, woman!

What the...?

Yes. Rainbow: Uh...

Yes, you can get the new Jordans coming out on Saturday, son.

Oh, my God.

This...

is gonna be your first pair of real kicks.

Uh... Dad, are you crying?

No!

Okay, okay, okay.

Junior, I love you! Oh, my God.

Kids, come on!

Who broke this?!

Ohh! Ohh! My ankle!

What got in your way, the floor?

You're in pain.

It really hurts. Are you okay?

I'm okay, it's just... Okay, great.

Come on. Who broke this?!

It wasn't me.

Me, neither.

Don't look at me.

Ruby?

Hmm? Yeah?

Oh, are you asking so you'll know who to thank?

No... It's hideous glassware.

It's just hideous.

Hmph.

What?

What... What are you hmph-ing about?

Oh, no, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm not judging.

I-I just don't have good "hmph" control.

No, tell me. I-I-I want to know.

Well, I know I've only been working here a few months.

It's just... It seems to me

that a lot of things get broken around here,

and nobody seems to know who did it or how.

It wasn't me! It wasn't me!

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

Well, Vivian, kids are supposed to lie a little.

Hmph!

I'm sorry. I-I did it again.

It's just my mama used to always say if you lie, you steal.

If you steal, you kill.

Yeah, well, moms don't know everything.

Well, none of my mom's kids ever killed anybody...

except Thelonious.

What? Mm...

I just know I wouldn't let my kids do me like that.

But you know what? It's not my house.

Uh, uh...

Uh...

Yeah, well... I... are you gonna...?

Hmm.

Oh, look at this! The boys are back.

The crew. The posse.

The wolves. The homies.

Dad, you're giving us douche chills.

Oh, still sonning me.

What the hell happened to your shoes?

We were playing basketball.

But... Boy, you never play basketball in basketball shoes!

You wear them to weddings, funerals, and the Grammys.

Then you dust them off and resell them on eBay

and get you some more.

It's the circle of life, son!

Your dad's funny.

I got to go. Yeah, me, too.

I've got the Obama fundraiser.

Another place you could have worn your shoes.

Hey, uh, Wes, how is it

that you're able to go to the Obama fundraiser?

He kind of has to.

It's at his house.

Yeah, Obama's coming over early to shower.

Obama's... showering at your house?

Well, the Malibu house.

How... How... How many houses do you guys have?

Me personally or my parents?

Well, you know.

'Cause I just have the one in Brentwood. Uh...

I haven't asked my parents how many houses they have.

That would be gauche.

Ah, it's... it's...

I...

"Gauche."

Borrowed from the French "gauchir,"

meaning to be socially awkward, clumsy.

Used in a sentence... "When Dre doesn't want

to make eye contact with me at the urinal,

that is gauche."

Who talks like that? Hmm?

Dre: Can you believe these rich brats with their Obama fundraisers?

Dre, Junior is gonna be fine, okay?

It's... It's good that he's hanging out with wealthy people.

Wealthy people are superior.

Yeah. They're worth more. Wealthy lives matter, Dre.

What?

Uh, oh, okay, that came out wrong.

Uh, wealthy lives matter most.

There we go. Yeah, that's what I meant.

See, that is what I'm worried about.

I don't want Junior to lose touch with reality.

Th-That is ridiculous.

Do I seem out of touch to you?

Hmm? Okay.

How much does a loaf of bread cost?

$195.

Josh: Boom. Nailed it.

You are completely out of touch.

Okay, all right. So I don't do my own shopping.

I'm not a woman.

Honestly, Dre-Doggy-Dawg,

Junior hanging out with rich folks can only be a good thing.

Hmm.

When I needed a kidney, my parents' rich friends

knew just the right Indian village to go to