Community

Why did I come to Greendale?

So I can keep my job and get busy with my education.

To meet different people.

Because Greendale's a slam dunk.

- So why should you-- - Why should you--

Why should you go Greendale?

That's easy.

Greendale has the most advanced typing class

in the southwestern Greendale area.

And now you can register by fax.

Go Greendale, go Greendale, go!

That, as you probably know,

is the currently-running commercial for our school.

Yeah, I always see it during late-night marathons

of Fantasy Island.

That's not an accident.

It's the result of intensive targeting.

But now, Greendale's School board

has given me a budget of $2,000 to update our little ad.

Are you sure it should change?

I chose Greendale over city college

because of the way that one dude goes...

Ah, okay, okay.

You know I love to be seen agreeing with you, Troy.

But this is our chance to make

Greendale's most reasonable dreams come true.

And I need your help-- All of you.

That's okay, Jeffrey.

You can say no.

This school asks very little of its students.

It mainly gives.

I feel like you guys might know what I'm talking about.

How can we help?

Oh, thanks for asking.

I've chosen you, Greendale's brightest,

most coincidentally diverse, hispanics not withstanding,

study group to star in our commercial.

- Ooh. - Pick a character.

We start this weekend.

Oh, we get to be on tv!

But if we're shooting this weekend,

why are these cameras here?

Abed, true to form, has decided to do the weird thing

and film a documentary instead of helping.

As a student of character, I have a feeling

that trying to make this commercial

may cost the dean his sanity.

And my camera follows the fire, not the smoke.

Ever seen Hearts of Darkness?

Way better than Apocalypse Now.

What's the catering sitch going to be on this picture?

This isn't Hollywood, Pierce.

If it was, these glasses would be tinted,

and I'd be friends with Stevie Nicks.

No catering.

This is outrageous.

I'm not leaving my trailer till there's food.

You don't have a trailer.

Well, then, I'll rent a trailer.

And I won't leave it till I have the one I don't have.

I'm an actor, not a circus freak.

Oh, no.

I needed to go that way.

Eh, I'll loop around.

All right, let's rehearse this mamajama.

Does everyone know who they are?

Where's my script girl?

It's supervisor, and I'm right behind you.

Thank you, supervisor girl.

Faster than a locomotive.

A script supervisor is the person

that tells everyone to stay on script

and keeps careful notes to prevent logical inconsistencies.

So... basically the star.

We open on a typical day at Greendale,

only the students all look happy

and you can't smell that smell.

Troy?

"Why do I go Greendale?"

"With three kids at home,

you better believe every penny counts."

"To meet different people."

And then, you and Troy hug--

if you're comfortable with that.

- Of course. - Yeah, Troy and I are buds.

Best buds. Air buds, even.

Feeling stupid.

And then, the camera pans, and enter Dean Pelton.

I got stuck with the role of the dean.

So I'm going to show him how much of a dean I can be.

And I've got a feeling I won't make the cut.

Welcome to Dean-Dale

community colle-dean.

I'm a silly goose.

Honk, honk. Dean-a-Lee-doo.

- Look at me. - Stop.

This is my sister's outfit.

Jeffrey, stop.

You've hit gold. Save some for the screen.

All right, people, scene six is up first.

Oh, and I don't think Pierce is coming back.

Can someone fill in as the pencil?

Pierce Hawthorne, screen of stage and star,

will not leave this trailer until he gets a trailer.

And then I'm not leaving that trailer until there's catering.

And I'm not eating the food until--

And action.

Why go Greendale?

Just because, just dean it! Dean machine.

Got dean, got much, much got--

And cut.

Oh, a star is born.

I suggested to the dean that we shoot my scenes

in front of the Luis Guzman statue

because the dean has no legal right

to broadcast Guzman's image,

which means every shot will be unusable.

I even put a call in to Guzman's lawyers to alert them.

I'm always willing to go the extra mile

to avoid doing something.

Like sex with women.

Shut up, Leonard, you smell like mentholyptus.

What are you even doing here?

I'm thinking about breaking into the tv game.

Since it's apparently sticking around.

I don't want to wake up in 30 years

and wonder "what if?"

"Because this full-time mama ain't breaking the bank

with your expensive tuition."

Okay, cut.

Shirley, the voice.

Can you make it, um-- I thought it would be more s--

What's another word that means happy/threatening?

The worde's looking for is "sassy."

He better pray he don't find it.

As soon as we get this shot,

we are done.

- Your phone is ringing. - Oh.

- Dean deaning. - Dean Pelton?

Hey, man, how you doing? It's Luis Guzman.

I hear you're making a commercial for Greendale,

and you need permission to use my face or something?

Well, I, um... Uh...

Well, why not use the real thing?

I'm sorry?

I'm saying, I'd love to be in your commercial.

Wowee!

A real big-time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.

Wowee.

A real big time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.

- Come on down. - Yeah, that's cool.

But listen, I've got to finish this movie,

so, you know, I can't come for a couple of weeks, all right?

Mr. Guzman, Luis, thank you.

And can I just say,

I loved you in--

Innnnnnnn...

IMDb.

See you soon, man.

That was tragic.

The students here mean well, they really do.

But what Greendale has always needed is a miracle.

This is it.

This is how I get to put Greendale on the map.

You know, I thought this commercial was going to be okay.

Well, guess what?

It just officially became great.

Let me give you a little rundown

of this commercial's great elements.

Luis Guzman is in it.

I'm sorry, will you excuse me?

Everyone gather 'round, quick announcement.

Come on around.

Everything that we shot so far is worthless.

I've thrown it out,

and we're starting over tomorrow morning.

- Why? - Because...

Luis Guzman is in the commercial now, so...

Yeah. For realsies.

Everyone, go home. I'm rewriting all of your parts.

Except for you, Jeffrey.

You have locked into something here.

And the only thing your character needs

is more screen time.

It's great that he got a celebrity,

- but why reshoot everything? - Perfectionism.

The dean's first step down a road

that ends in self-destruction.

That sounds... Horrible.

Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals.

The dean's production has taken over the entire school.

Classes are shut down.

The quilting club is being forced to sew costumes.

Two females, both 5'10",

one brunette, one with asthma.

He's also using the P.A. system for casting calls.

Okay, everyone--

Does everyone have their new script?

Uh, it says I'm supposed to be a book reading a book.

That--that doesn't make sense.