Royal Pains

Previously on Royal Pains...

It won't be long before I have to worry about baby proofing.

Sorry, Jeremiah!

So this place is quiet in the afternoon?

Yeah, between 3:00 and 5:00 P.M.,

it's a total graveyard.

Who were you looking for today in Shadow Pond?

- I was looking for my father. - Well, who is your father?

What I'm about to say is gonna sound crazy,

and there's really no way to couch it...

- Already bored. - We have a sister.

No offense or anything, but you just kind of showed up

out of nowhere, so why should we believe you?

I have DNA proof.

We haven't been introduced. Eddie R. Lawson...

I'm Hank and Evan's dad.

I'm Emma...

Your daughter.

Pop?

Emma?

I don't hear any screaming.

Yeah. I don't hear anything.

Dad?

Oh.

Pops...

Did you not hear...

Pops?

You all right?

Dad...

Did you and Emma have a chance to talk it through?

I would like you boys to hear it from me.

Okay, so this whole thing started about a month ago.

I was in Missouri.

I was on the book tour,

and out of the blue, Meredith sends me a text.

Meredith, it's me again.

I-I-I've been here for about an hour.

I've got to go. I've got a book signing.

I-I don't know what happened.

I hope you're okay,

and I hope you've changed as much as I have.

Okay, bye.

Meredith was never gonna meet me.

She didn't even know I was in town.

- More coffee, sir? - Uh, no.

- Just the check. - Okay.

Thank you.

It turns out that Emma was the one who sent me the text.

She knew I was in town

and wanted to confirm that I was her father.

Okay, so she collected some DNA.

She stole his saliva.

Okay.

Dad, where is Emma?

That's a whole other story.

What is this?

It's proof that you're my father.

Let me get this straight.

You traveled halfway across the country

in order to give me two pieces of paper?

Those aren't just two pieces of paper.

Those are the lab results from a genetic test.

I mean, don't worry. I don't want anything from you.

I just came here because I wanted you to see for yourself

that I am doing just fine.

I have a job. I have my own apartment.

And guess what? I did all of that without you.

You don't believe me.

You know what?

Of course you don't believe me because you are a deadbeat dad.

You abandoned me then. Why not abandon me now?

Abandoned you?

I didn't even know you existed!

And let me tell you something else, young lady...

I am not a deadbeat dad!

So, dad, technically, you could be Emma's father.

Technically, the report says

there is a 99.99% probability of inclusion.

But I am telling you now...

I did not know about Emma until tonight.

I knew nothing.

I believe you, dad.

I do.

So do I.

Boys...

I handled this horribly.

I mean, I just couldn't bear the idea

that I abandoned a third child when they were growing up.

I mean, what kind of man does that?

And then Emma...

She travels all this way, and what do I do?

I doubt her.

No wonder she never wants to see me again.

I am a deadbeat dad.

Here's where we keep the extra bottles,

- pacifiers, and teethers. - Yes, I know.

And the bib and burp cloths are stored beneath

- the sterilizer. - Yes, I know.

Now, uh, the bottle warmers... The bottle warmers are...

One here in the kitchen and the other in the nursery.

I remember from our practice rounds.

Right.

I'm stalling, aren't I? I'm sorry.

It's my first day back at work full-time,

and I'm a bit nervous.

Of course you're nervous.

You don't want to leave your baby.

If you like, I can make sure Sashi naps early.

That way, she's wide awake

and ready to play when you come home.

Jeremiah...

You remember Tilda.

Yes, the new nanny. Hello.

Good morning, Dr. Sacani. It's nice to see you again.

If you and Ms. Katdare know what you'd like for dinner tonight,

- I can go ahead and make someth... - Oh, no, nothing for me.

I could be busy, and there might be traffic,

uh, but thank you. Good-bye.

Okay, good-bye. See you tonight.

Well, I should... I should probably leave too.

Come on.

Yay!

- There you go. - Thank you.

Okay.

Hey, Boris, just following up.

I assume you still want me in Monte Carlo

for the next phase of the trial

and that you will let me know if you don't.

Thank you. Bye.

- Yep. - Oh, nice.

No, no, no, no. That... that's for dad.

I came over to make him breakfast.

Yeah, no, you're right.

Dad will definitely eat all two dozen muffins.

- Well, he's gonna... - Mmm.

That is good.

I'm glad you like it. That's mine. That's...

There's a lot of muffins, Evan.

What can I say? I worry, I bake.

- How is he? - He's still sleeping, I hope.

He was up most of the night pacing.

Well, I can't really blame him.

This is a mess.

Look, I'm worried too,

but right now we need to just stay out of it.

What do you mean, stay out of it?

He's devastated.

W-we have to do something.

That something is nothing.

We need to give Emma the time and space to cool down.

It's what I do with you.

Okay, look, I may have mixed feelings about her,

but Paige reminded me who I am in this family.

- Who are you? - I'm the bridge-builder.

You're an accountant, not an engineer.

No, between people.

I-I-I help people. I helped you and dad.

Technically, you went behind my back,

allowed dad to take our money, and almost ruined our business.

Wow. You're still holding on to that, huh?

Okay, you know what? I have a busy day ahead of me.

You know how I feel.

Just promise me this:

For Emma's sake, you won't let dad do anything stupid?

Promise me.

- I promise you. - Thank you.

- Hello! - That's not funny.

What are you doing?

I thought you were sleeping.

Well, I was taking a walk, thinking.

And successfully knocking over milk bottles

at a carnival, I see.

- It's for Emma. - Oh.

Dad, you can't give that to Emma.

She's a grown woman.

Yeah, one who grew up without a father.

Do you remember when I bought you and Hank some bears?

You loved it. What did you call yours?

Pookie.

Right, and you slept with it every night.

Till he got completely worn out

and we couldn't stitch him up anymore.

So you put him in the trash with crumpled crackers.

Yeah, I didn't want him to go hungry.

Well, now Emma's got a Pookie too.

Right. Well, my bear was Pookie.

The only thing in the world better than one Pookie

is two Pookies.

Would you drive me to Emma's motel?

You... uh, yeah.

Uh, I made all these muffins, dad.

- No time. - Right.

Good morning, Evan.

What happened?

How'd it go?

Pookie is dead.

I'm sorry, dad.

So did she say where we were meeting her?

Yes, in her office.

- Hank? - Oh, hey, Padma.