Pushers

CAMERA BEEPS AND CLICKS

This programme contains very strong language and adult humour from the start.

Lennie is on to us.

Get me close enough.

I'll throw a punch.

Can't promise where it'll land... but he'll die.

We need to be smarter

than mindlessly murdering a man.

It's not what Mas would've wanted.

You make it sound like he's dead.

Well, his bladder's dead.

And it would be weird to say,

"It's not what Mas's bladder would've wanted".

I'm ready to kill.

With an 80-unit injection of insulin,

Lennie Kennedy will have a sudden glucose drop,

experiencing confusion before major seizures,

leading to overheating and his brain could die.

Oh...

Well, unless he's a type 2 diabetic...

Like Mas. ..in which case, it'll only make him stronger.

HE GROANS

I-I'm not diabetic.

Hiya, Mas. Get well soon etc.

I got you a little something

and I cooked your favourite doro wat.

With extra spice?

What do I look like, an amateur?

Oh, my God, that's it!

DOOR SLAMS OPEN

What's it?!

What? All this violence makes me hungry.

I've been running on watermelon vape fumes for two fuckin' days, man.

Move.

I'll take care of the Minibus guy.

You get the kid off to her exam.

If you want something killing properly,

you do it yourself.

Sit your arse down and don't move.

I have apologised for breaking your recorder, my darling.

I'm sure they'll have a spare one you can use, all right?

Enjoy your time with Uncle Mikey

and I'll be back before you can say...

Fucking move!

All right, come on. This way.

I know how we get Lennie - plant spice.

We prick the prick to death with a cactus?

No, we...

Drown him in curry. Face first in a big old vat.

Anyone asks, we claim he was a hungry boy and he slipped.

No, we...

We shoot him in his big, fat bastard face,

then plant a tree in commemoration,

then piss on it.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

We plant the spice on Lennie.

My bag is full of it.

And with the dirty money and Daphne.

Those were important medical notes.

I'll meet Lennie, begging forgiveness.

"My sincerest apologies

"for dealing drugs in your town."

That's perfectly OK.

I forgive you.

And thank you for being such a fabulous daughter-in-law.

Let's hug now.

But beneath the dirty money

is Daphne and a kilo of spice,

directly connecting Lennie

to the Brack's new supply line.

So, what's my job?

Harry can be my look-out...

I shall take this bag of suspicious money away now.

..and he can alert the police,

who will arrest Lennie...

Bye-bye.

SIREN APPROACHES

You're nicked, sunshine.

Bad luck, old boy.

..with the bag.

And then Ewen, Mas and Pat

will leave town for a bit

till the heat dies down.

We'll clear of drugs

and we can finally go legit.

All clear?

Wait, can you say that again?

Oh, this is the way out.

Emily? Not the way out!

Lennie's here!

Stunt man coming through!

Don't move.

Don't move.

Hiya, love. I'm looking for Masir Mason.

He came in last night.

Nice fella, stab wounds.

Fuck! The whiteboard!

Jojo Rabbit!

Daddy's acting weird again.

I think I've seen your girlfriend.

And nobody cares about my recorder exam!

Right, let's go, man. Let's go.

Here.

Steady, Daddy. That's it. Steady.

Steady. It's all right, Daddy.

Why does every room look the bastard same?

Come on. Mate, are you doing all right?

Y'know, like, no bladder and that?

It's just, like...

..real life-changing shit, y'know?

I'll be all right.

I think we'll all have wee bags one day.

Yeah. Saves so much time.

Yeah.

TRICKLING

There you go.

I just went whilst making eye contact with you.

Right.

All right, come on, let's go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Come on.

Ee-ee...

Ee aye, Ewen!

WOMAN SCREAMS

Push! Well done, you.

Push!

Ah, here they are. I called for you quite some time ago, doctors.

No, no, we're not...

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, my God. Is that thing the baby?

That's her anus.

She's doing a poo.

Why?

That can't be our Sean.

It's not me. My name's...

..Sean. Well, it is me.

We've not seen you in a while, love. Shall I pop t'kettle on?

Oi! Stop!

Fuuuuck!

Oh! Very disabled!

Move!

Ugh!

Argh!

Oooh...

Oh, mate, just move, yeah?

Fuck!

Emily?

Dad!

It's not my blood.

It's a stranger's...

Fucking stay there, you.

See ya later, bye! Oi, excuse me, pal.

WOMAN SCREAMS

We're too far gone for a section.

Oh, way too far, mate.

We are at the second stage, so maybe a ventouse is advisable?

Oh, yeah, right, me old friend vontiloo.

Yeah, nice and hot, like. Yeah.

Er, what?

Er, always gets things moving for me.

Did you just say "vontiloo"? What is that?

It's, erm... It's the same word, thing. Vonti.

It's the thing what you said.

A vacuum extraction?

You wanna suck the baby out that big, old gash?

Oh, God, I've messed up, haven't I?

WOMAN SCREAMS

What the fuck am I looking at now?

Doctor, you need to deliver this baby.

I'm... I'm sorry. I can't. I'm...

..I'm just not ready.

It's all right, it's all right, don't worry.

Mas, mate, shall we do this?

Er... Yeah, yeah.

I-I...I'm not nervous.

HE GRUNTS

TRICKLING

Right, hold me bap.

Hold it. Give it t'me.

Pump. Pump action.

THEY LAUGH

I'm sure I bought something like this off Kango.

He said that it'd help me with me... confidence issues.

He sold one to me too, man. Didn't fucking work!

Sorry about... I'm sorry about that.

You are so fucked, little lady.

I have a Daphne.

I mean, a gun.

I have a gun.

Is that gaffer tape?

Stop.

I'll shoot.

After you, fuckface.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

You have got some elephantine bollocks,

fucking about on my streets.

What are you doing?

Stop that.

My apologies for dealing drugs in your town.