Bewitched

Look at him.

He's a veritable bundle of ambition.

And while he snores away his life

in this abysmal poverty pocket,

your cousin is denied the rewards

of a witchly heritage.

I never did dig what Sammy dug about that dodo.

Shh.

Samantha's coming.

What are you doing?

Trying not to wake you up.

You're trying too hard.

Oh, sorry.

That's okay. I don't wanna waste my whole Saturday sleeping.

Why not?

There are some things I want to do.

For instance, fix the tile coming up in the kitchen floor.

It's fixed. I did it the other day.

I was gonna do it.

I know.

I just got tired of tripping over it.

Sweetheart, there's something you don't understand.

You're not supposed to fix things around the house,

that's man's work.

Even if the man's been putting it off for months?

That's the part you don't understand.

Putting things off is man's work too.

Oh.

Speaking of putting things off

when do you suppose Mr. Ferguson's

gonna trim that bush by our driveway?

It's a real menace.

You can't see the oncoming traffic.

I'll do the neighborly thing.

I'll get the shears and trim it for him.

Okay. I'll fix you some iced tea.

Did you see what he's done to her?

She's not a wife,

she's a full-time live-in maid.

You're right, Auntie, but what can we do?

How about turning him into a warlock?

What? That's impossible.

So what?

The impossible just takes a little longer.

I never heard of a place that was too high to fly to.

Serena, this is the top of the world.

The atmosphere is much too thin for levitation.

Well, it's not too great for climbing either.

Hey, a-are you sure the old man of the mountain

can do the trick?

Well, if anyone can help us, he can.

He's not only the oldest warlock in the world,

he is also the wisest.

Greetings, master.

I seek the fruit of your ancient wisdom.

My daughter is married to a mortal

who obstinately refuses to permit her

to enjoy the benefits of her witchly heritage.

I seek a spell

which will turn him into a warlock.

I think he's asleep.

No. No, he's reflecting.

In the thousands of years in which I have sat here

pondering the vicissitudes of the world,

one truth above all others

shines forth like a torch in a murky shadow.

What is that, master?

It doesn't pay to interfere with your in-laws.

I beg your pardon?

What's he smoking?

I didn't come this far for a lecture.

Do you know a spell, or don't you?

I'll have to give it much thought.

A few days, a week, a month.

Fine. Serena, you can leave.

I'll wait until he thinks of a spell.

She's going and you're staying?

That's right.

I just thought of the spell.

Serena, you shock me.

We climbed all the way to the top of the world

to get this spell and you're hesitating.

Don't you want to help Samantha?

Well, sure, Auntie, but I...

All you have to do is to go back to 14th-century Ireland.

Administer this potion to Durwood's ancestor,

Durwood the Bold.

Add three hairs from his beard, heat it,

and have him inhale the vapors.

It's all so simple.

So he inhales the potion,

and that turns him into a warlock?

Right. That will cause a change in his cosmic chromosomes

and, simultaneously,

Dumbo will inherit the powers of a warlock.

But Sammy will ask questions.

And I'll have the answers.

Are you ready for your journey into the past?

Okay.

Fire when ready.

Now for a little traveling music.

Night into day And day into night.

Back to the past With the speed of light.

To Durwood the Bold To do this spell

I wish you luck If not, just yell.

Oh, Endora, how infinite are thy gifts.

Enter.

There's a lady without, Master.

Without what?

Without a carriage wheel.

It came off directly in front of the castle.

How does that concern me?

It'll take at least a day to repair.

In the meanwhile, the lady requests

the hospitality of the house.

What?

Does she take this for a hostel?

Tell her to be on her way.

Sure, I've done that,

but she insists on meeting the lord of the manor.

She does, eh? Gawain, you're too soft.

There's only one way to handle this kind of impertinent wench.

You're Darrin the Bold, right?

Right.

And you're the little lady

who's going to be our guest for the next few days.

I was just passing by and thought I'd enquire

if there's any little thing you might be needing.

Well, there is something you could do for me.

Aye?

I'd like a fire in the fireplace to warm this medicine.

Now, why would a lass as healthy as yourself

have need of medicine?

I have a little chest cold.

Sure, and it's not medicine you want for that.

What you need is a warm-blooded Irishman.

It is lucky for yourself

that your carriage broke down here.

A little further on,

and you'd be at the mercy

of roadway thieves,

and heaven knows what sorts of evil types.

The question is, am I any safer here?

For my sake, I hope not.

Oh.

I thought you came in here to start the fire.

I am, lass.

No, that fire.

Oh, that fire.

No, I have to warm this.

Oh.

You're a fine broth of a girl, do you know that?

Come, give us a kiss.

I don't even know if you're married.

Are you?

Not seriously.

I don't suppose you'd care to explain why you did that.

In the land where I come from,

it's a courting custom.

When a lady is interested in a gentleman

she plucks a hair from his beard.

If she's very interested, she plucks two.

And if she plucks three... Aye, what then?

Like, wow.

Sure, and I'm starting to like this custom of yours.

It makes it kind of a game, eh?

The suspense is killing me.

Are you gonna pluck the third?

Oh, and the saints be praised!

I feel terrible strange.

Sweetheart, would you like a cold drink?

You look pale. You feel all right?

I'm fine.

I think.

How about a little iced tea?

Oh, thanks, but what I really want is some beer.

Sam, what's the big idea?

Darrin, I-I didn't do it.

What with you and the fire,

it is getting powerful hot in here.

I wish I had me a tankard of ale.

How...? How did that happen?

From now on,

you're going to get anything you wish for.

Anything?

Ah.

Watch what you're wishing for, buster.

You said I'd get me every wish.

You will, when it's my idea.

And I'm beginning to get some ideas.

Sweetheart, don't you think

you're being a little unreasonable?

I mean, after all, the only thing that happened

was you wanted some beer, and you got it.

Sam, I like the kind of beer

that comes from the refrigerator,

not from witchcraft.

Now, which wise guy, among the many in your family

pulled this stunt?

Did it ever occur to you