The Big C

Previously on The Big C...

You're failing chemistry?

Over my dead body are you not graduating on time.

Here you go, guys.

Jeez.

You okay?

How are you doing?

I just have my next round of chemo in four days.

I hate feeling bad all the time.

I can't pollute, I give a hoot.

So I made the bartering deal of the century,

and I got us this pedicab.

Lydia is your new tutor.

I'll try to make this a painless process.

Tell me about college life.

I'm just not feeling it yet.

Do you wanna move back here?

Paul asked me for a divorce

before I passed out in Puerto Rico.

So the way I see it, he's just waiting

for me to die to move on,

which on some level, I respect.

But then, he wants me to stay positive, so I'll live.

I think I need to quit chemo.

Would that be okay with you?

What do you think?

Do I look like a Dixie chick?

I'd say chick-esque.

- Hmm. - Hmm?

I mean, it's so sad.

I bought this, I never even wore it once.

That's why I collect experiences over things.

Yeah, I'm worried you're collecting mites.

How long till you shave that thing?

It's my completely organic,

semi-permanent winter neck warmer.

So no time soon.

Fine, keep the beard,

but I want you to do something for me.

- My dermatologist. - Ugh.

Make an appointment, get yourself checked out.

And before you go on some diatribe

about how much you hate the medical institution,

just consider how much it would mean to me

to know that you won't be going through

what I'm going through.

Eh, I'll think about it.

Jeez. What blew up in here?

Spring cleaning.

- It's November. - Yeah, well...

I have so much energy since I stopped chemo,

and I don't wanna leave all this stuff

for you and dad to deal with, so...

- Wanna help? - Uh, that's tempting,

but I have school... unless you want me to quit.

No, you go to school.

- W... when is that chemistry test? - It's on Friday.

And I'm meeting with Lydia later.

Oh, I like that tutor chick of yours.

She's got that whole nerdy geisha thing going on.

Oh, my Hermes scarf.

Hermes, for real?

Yeah. It was a gift from these rich parents

of one of my students.

It always made me feel just so Jackie O.

I doubt Jackie O pranced around like that.

Oh, look, don't you laugh.

You wore this almost as much as I did.

- What, no... no, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

- Ooh, girl. - You called it your "flag tie."

You used to... you used to love to rub the silk

against your "wittle" nose.

I was probably just rubbing away a booger

- or something. - Okay.

Do me a favor and put that out in the car.

Okay.

Has anybody seen my green dress shirt?

I wanna wear it in Detroit.

- See ya, dad. Love you. - Take care of your mom, buddy.

- I'll see you in a couple days. - Okay.

Amber claims to have picked it up

from the dry cleaner before she went on vacation,

but I can't find it.

Uh, Paul.

Will this work?

For my radio show, maybe.

Oh, my God.

Is this what I think it is?

Aw.

God, I was so skinny.

I remember that.

I bet I could get good money for this.

You can't throw this away.

Says the woman who burned

her matrimonial frock in a trash can.

I did it to erase a bad memory.

Is that why you wanna do it, Cath?

- To erase a bad memory? - No.

No, I'll always have the memories.

I'll always have the pictures.

It's just... I mean, I don't need the dress.

It's just clothes.

Hey, I happen to be basing an entire career

on "just clothes."

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to turn in some "just clothes" designs

to sir Isaac Mizrahi.

Wow, your teacher's a knight?

- No, he's fashion royalty. - Damn straight.

He's my visiting Professor this semester.

Safe flight.

- See ya, love. - Bye, Paulie.

See ya, buddy.

Hey, Paul.

Do you think you'll get married again?

Why would you ask me that?

Just wondering, that's all.

Well, don't.

It's morbid.

I think you should.

Despite our conflict resolution issues,

you're good married.

You're good and morbid.

I will see you on Friday.

Oh, my God.

This is a great top.

Aw.

I just... I love all the little flowers.

Ah.

Only worn once.

I can take these.

And the rest, you can have back.

Ii don't want them back.

I'm divesting.

So just make me an offer for the whole lot.

Lowball me, I'll take it.

I only take what I can sell, doll.

Here.

What do you mean?

There's some great pieces in here.

I mean, look. Honestly,

people used to stop me on the street

about this skirt.

And note there's a... there's an Hermes scarf.

- You have an Hermes? - Yeah.

Where is it?

I must have dropped it.

Fine.

I will donate it.

Oh.

You okay, doll?

I can't feel my leg.

He says it's pressing on my frontal lobe.

It can cause partial paralysis, among other things.

Well, what other things?

I don't know... behavioral changes,

you know, memory loss, judgment.

Oh, it sounds like my 20s.

Oh, I don't remember my 20s.

Well, look, try to remember this.

Thursday night is "Night of a thousand stars."

I wanna go to the park and watch for falling stars,

like we did when we were kids.

We were miserable doing that.

That's because mom and dad fought all the time.

But guess what, mom and dad aren't invited.

Hey, did you ever call the dermatologist?

Oh, not yet.

Look, you do my thing, I'll do yours.

All right, fine.

Oh, please tell me this isn't all they have.

Excuse me.

You don't, by chance, have a cane

with a carved wooden bird in it?

Yeah, or a serpent head with jewel eyes?

We don't sell those here.

That is what I'd recommend, very sturdy.

Thank you.

I think we'll keep looking.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna shuffle around

on one of those things like some old ma kettle.

Oh, it looks like it's gonna rain.

Here, I'll go get the pedi. You have a seat.

Mrs. silvers, your prescription

is ready for pickup, Mrs. Silvers.

- Three, two, one. -

- Time. - What?

No, there's no way that was 40 minutes.

Ugh.

Sorry.

You almost passed this time.

What? Look, that's bullshit, okay?

There's no way I can remember all that stuff.

Acetate is C-2-H-3-O-2-minus or C-H-3-C-O-O.

Iron is a group eight metal and therefore a transition element.

H-C-2-H-3-O-2 is a weak acid

that partily ionizes in an aqueous solution.

And ozone depletion is caused by chlorofluorocarbons,

a set of compounds that contain

only chlorine, fluorine, carbon,