Meet the Fockers

You must do something. Baby's coming.

Yeah, I know. Miss, you have to stay calm and take deep breaths.

Myra. I need a doctor here now.

- I'm working on it. - You're not doctor?

- No, I'm a nurse. - You are man and you are nurse?

What kind of man is nurse?

Look, folks. I'm a professional, OK? I know exactly what I'm doing.

Trust me, everything's going to be fine.

Yeah. Yeah, you're fully dilated.

Hey. I need that doctor right now.

There are no free doctors. Nurse, you're gonna have to deliver the baby.

I can see a head.

Holy shit.

Check it out. We did it.

We had a boy.

A boy. You're my hero.

- I name a baby for you. - You don't have to do that.

I must. It's a Latvian tradition. We will name the baby...

You've reached the Fockers. We're not around,

so leave a message. Goodbye.

Roz. How the hell do you shut this thing off?

I have no idea. Just press a button.

I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga?

- They give you gas. - A little, but it's worth it.

Worth it for you. I'm the one that gets the fumes.

- I'm in the mood for a chimichanga. - So make a...

Hey, guys, it's me.

Dad, I told you six months ago to change that message.

I'm calling to double check, 'cause I didn't hear from you.

Pam and I are flying out to Oyster Bay today,

then to Miami tomorrow with the Byrneses.

Our flight gets in at 7:30. That should put us at the house around 9:00.

So give me a call back on my cell.

I want to go over a few things with you about Pam's dad and

some other stuff for the weekend. Love you. Bye.

- Hey. - Morning. How was your shift?

- Guess what. - What?

- I delivered my first baby. - No way.

- Honey, I'm so proud of you. - It was incredible.

I mean, just to be pulling this life force out of this woman's...

You know. It was just so... The whole baby thing is...

- It's so cool. - That's great, honey.

- That's great. - So, you ready to go?

- I want to get to the airport early. - In a sec.

You know how things always go wrong.

The flight doesn't leave for four hours.

I wish we could set a wedding date without our parents meeting.

This weekend is going to be fine.

- Your parents are great. - They're great in small doses.

48 hours in Coconut Grove is a small dose. Besides, you've won over my dad.

And that is the hard part.

That is true. I am still in the Byrnes family Circle of Trust.

You're firmly in the Circle.

Finally.

- Taxi. - Taxi.

- You going to the airport? - Yeah.

- Take mine. - All right.

Great.

- Nice guy, huh? - Yeah.

You two, you're up.

- Oh, dear. - What?

Well, they overbooked coach.

So, what does that mean? Do we miss our flight, or...

Well, we are gonna have to upgrade you to first class.

Really?

Thank you.

Sir, why don't you let me take that for you?

OK. Yeah.

Here you go, so, you wanna check it? Or put it on another flight?

Because that's cool. Whatever you want to do.

Just gonna store it in the captain's closet.

- That was nice. - Yeah.

- Champagne? - Thank you.

- Champagne, sir? - Thank you.

Enjoy.

Would you like to purchase rental insurance, Mr. Focker?

No.

- Thanks. - No?

It's a scam. That's how they make all their money.

That's true. You don't need it.

Get outta here.

The house of Byrnes.

A lot of good memories here.

Mom? Dad?

I am watching you.

Almost.

But you have to do it with two fingers,

one on each eye, like this.

I am watching you.

We'll get back to that later. Guess who's here?

It's Professor Einstein.

Hi, Little Jack. You are a genius.

I see a Nobel Prize in your future. Yes, I do.

Study break, boys. Company's here.

- Pamcake. - Flapjack.

Short stack, short stack, coming up.

Put some syrup in the cup.

That's how it goes, right?

That's OK, Greg.

- Nice to see you. - Yes.

- Nice to see you, Grandpa. - Yeah.

My goodness. How did my nephew get so big? Look at you.

- You look just like your mommy. - He does, doesn't he?

Hey, this is Greg. Remember we talked about him?

Sorry, Greg. The card only comes in one gender.

Yeah, no, that's all right.

He's taking you in.

He has a very keen sense for people, Greg.

A chip off the old block, huh?

Might have another CIA man on our hands.

I'd be discreet about my profession, Greg, if I were you.

As far as your parents are concerned, I'm a horticulturalist.

Why is he here? Are Deb and Bob house-sitting while we're in Florida?

No, they're in Thailand,

checking on the clinic they opened during their honeymoon.

What is all this stuff, anyway?

After Denny was sent away to military school,

your father turned this into a learning laboratory for you-know-who.

And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkin Head, you little...

Greg, Greg, don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.

Muskrat.

- Muskrat, Jack. - Right.

Try to understand, he's a little person.

His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands. Observe.

L.J., are you hungry?

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

"I would like to eat more, please. "

"I'd like a nap, and then later I'll enjoy a nice poop. "

I've heard about this baby signing stuff.

This is, like, cutting edge. Like... yeah.

At his age, Greg, his mind is like a sponge.

But when he reaches your age, for example,

his mind will be less capable of absorbing useful information.

He's so cute. Can I hold him?

I don't think that's such a good idea, Greg.

Muskrat.

All right. All right.

This is Greg. Greg will not drop you. OK?

OK.

- Be careful. - Hello. Hello.

I think he likes me.

No?

- Shit. - Focker.

He's absorbing you like a sponge.

I don't want his first word to be a profanity.

It's OK. Cover your nose. You're terrifying him.

- I'll get a towel. - Focker.

Cool how your dad's so into being a grandparent.

I think it freaks my mom out. She says he spends every second with that kid.

Oh, my God.

Daddy?

Daddy, what is this thing?

It's a custom-designed, climate controlled motor coach.

Jack calls it the "Highlight of our Twilight. "

- This is incredible. - Isn't it?

It's like a tank.

In these uncertain times, I opted for a Kevlar-reinforced hull

with two-inch thick Plexiglas windows,

like the ones they designed on the Russian Widowmaker submarines.

I want you to conduct a field test for us, Greg.

I want you to demonstrate the impregnable outer skin of the coach.

Throw it at the window.

Jack. I'm not gonna throw a brick at your window.

- It's a simple demonstration. - No.

- Throw the brick, Greg. - OK. Just...

- All your might. - All right.

Don't worry. Your rental insurance should take care of it.

Jack?

Come on. We'll call a tow truck from the road.

- The road? - Yeah, we're driving this to Miami.

I thought we were flying tomorrow.

No. Airline travel being what it is these days, so unreliable,

I'll feel more comfortable knowing I have my own Posturepedic bed,

my own thermostat, my own lavatory facility.

So we're all gonna be in this together?

We hit the road in exactly seven minutes, 27 seconds.

This way we'll get in early, spend an extra half-day with your parents.

- Isn't that great? - That is great.

...but I'm the one that gets the fumes.

- I'm in the mood for a chimichanga. - So make a...

Hey, guys, it's me.

Listen, I'm getting a little worried I haven't heard back from you.

I hope you got the message.

There's been a little change of plans. We're coming down in Jack's RV.

We'll be arriving tomorrow afternoon, not tomorrow night.

OK, tomorrow afternoon. And they're bringing their little grandson.

So... He's a baby, so... I don't know.

Welcome aboard, me hearties.

This is incredible.

- It's as big as our apartment. - Pretty neat, huh?

Mr. Jinx finally learned how to flush the toilet, huh?

Yeah, Jack installed a special flusher and he learned in about two days.

Hey there, Jinxy. How are you doing?

Ready to hit the road, Co-Captain?

- I'm the co-captain? - Let's set sail, sailor.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Captain Jack Byrnes speaking.

- Daddy. - A quick announcement.

As a courtesy to your fellow passengers,