The Christmas Charade

There you are.

I thought you changed your mind.

Oh, I couldn't let you leave without opening your present.

Now, could I?

Merry Christmas.

The Naughty List.

Santa always delivers.

Come with me.

-I can't. -You can.

All you have to do is choose us right now.

I think she went this way.

It's now or never.

Okay. Let's go.

They're coming.

You ready?

-Jump first. - Think later.

There they are.

So the reindeer and the arctic hare

took off down the hill.

Faster and faster they ran past the towering pines

to the frozen meadow below.

With a quick wave to the reindeer,

the arctic hare tucked in his cozy den

where he stayed safe inside forever.

The end.

All right.

Have a wonderful Christmas break, you guys.

And remember,

if you have Christmas trees at home, no incandescent lights.

Okay?

They're a fire hazard.

Okay, that's it for story time.

Go on outside and I'll meet you there. Okay?

You know, for a

librarian, you sure do slip in a lot of fire safety references.

Kids need repetition.

Anyway.

Tell me about the dress shopping.

Did you find the one?

No. Not yet.

Kurt said he'd marry me in a paper bag.

But I don't know, I just want everything to be perfect.

Kurt's such a good guy.

Well, that's just more proof that online dating actually

works.

Sorry, but that's just how people meet these days.

-It's a fact. -Okay. You want to talk facts?

10 percent of all users are straight up scammers.

-Scary. -And 53 percent of them

greatly exaggerate their profiles.

So at best, you're just waiting for a huge letdown.

And at worst, like, oh.

Wow, your parents really did a number on you.

No, they prepared me.

You have no idea what working for a home

security company exposes you to.

Well, how about meeting a friend of a friend, then?

Lisa's cousin is newly single.

He's super nice, a dentist, very stable career.

His name is Mark and he's open to meeting you.

You know I don't give my phone number to people

-I don't know. -Which is why

I got you his email.

So you can reach out on your super safe cyber

VPN thing or whatever.

"MarkLovesCats1922."

At least he's honest.

Come on, Whit. It's Christmas break.

There's no school,

no summer camps to take care of, no responsibilities.

-I don't know. -Whit.

At some point you have to drop the books, turn off the TV

and dive into a real adventure.

Don't chicken out.

All right, grab your bags.

I like cats.

Hi, Honey.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, it smells good.

Okay. That's is holding up well.

Yeah, it doesn't stick.

Unlike the last one you installed.

Whoa, look at that.

Cranberry orange mascarpone.

There was no ginger bundt cake?

I thought I would venture out a little bit.

-It looks delicious. -Thank you.

Okay, this may sound crazy, but

what do you guys think about doing something

a little different this year for Christmas?

Like skiing.

Honey, you do realize that skiing

is the second most dangerous sport in the world, right?

No, I think that's wrong. Snowboarding is worse.

Regardless.

Humans weren't meant to go

flying down a snowy mountainside at 30 miles an hour.

30 miles an hour, Dad?

-None of us are that good. -What's wrong with game night?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with game night.

I love game night.

It's just we do it every month.

And I thought we could do something a little more

exciting.

It's Christmas themed game night, Whit.

It is exciting.

And I've got some new charade

prompts that your mother and I think quite hilarious.

Yeah, he's really stepped it up this year.

Okay, Dad.

Did you talk to Rachel about the wedding?

Did she find a dress?

No, but I'm sure she will.

So apparently we'll be sitting with the Bernards, and,

they have a son who's an ophthalmologist.

-Newly single. -Mom.

Well, in case you're not bringing a date.

I could totally meet someone.

Yeah, like Doctor Bernard, the ophthalmologist.

Mulled wine anyone?

-Yes. -Mh-hm. Please.

Okay.

Good afternoon, everyone.

I'd like to take a quick moment to acknowledge the hard work

you've put in this year.

I know we've logged a lot of long hours lately,

so I hope you take the next few days

to spend it with your family and loved ones, and...

Agent Dawson. Just in time.

Care for a refreshment?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

Here for the 4 o'clock.

Right.

Anyway, cheers and happy holidays.

Cheers!

You know, it wouldn't kill you to show up early.

Shake a few hands. It's Christmas.

I don't really do Christmas, or small talk.

-Oh, we've noticed -Anyway. Why'd you call me?

Because I have an update on the Bateman file.

They have a new target, sir.

-Agent Dawson-- -This is a big one.

Josh.

I'm shutting you down.

-What? -I'm sorry. It's time.

You've been undercover six months,

and you have nothing linking the suspect to any crime,

let alone the disappearance of six priceless artifacts.

Okay, so you're telling me that every time

Lou Bateman shows up at one of these fancy events

and something goes missing

that's just a coincidence?

Doesn't matter what I think.

-It matters-- -What I can prove, I know.

Well, I'm going to prove it to you.

I'm already hearing chatter on the black market about all this.

-Buyers are sniffing around. -What is it?

They call it the Heart of Christmas.

It was given to a German princess in the early 1800s

by the son of a wealthy American industrialist.

It's supposed to be worth over $10 million.

Now the owners only bring it out once a year on Christmas Eve

to raise money for various charities around the world.

And this year,

it is the centrepiece at the Mistletoe Ball

at the New York Arts and History Museum.

That's a big event. Swanky.

And guess who's on the board?

Lou Bateman's wife.

Patty.

It has taken me some time, but I finally secured

a lunch meeting with them tomorrow

to discuss a business partnership.

Well, if this goes well, it's

going to put me in close contact with him over the holidays,

and I will be able to figure out his plan

and how he's going to steal it.

I'm already catching heat for giving you

an opportunity to begin with.

Sir. You've got to trust me on this one.

Trust you?

The last time I trusted you, you arrested a perp

without approval.

That guy was going to get away.

And you upset every senior agent in the building.

You danced around protocol,

and you alienated all your colleagues.

I work better alone.

And you don't have a single piece of concrete evidence.

Tell me why I shouldn't take you off this case

and send you to the stacks for the rest of your career.

These criminals,

they're smart.

They could sniff out one of your suits a mile away.