The Unicorn

Thank you so much for dinner.

We have got to have you guys over soon.

Hey, uh, Ben, don't let me forget,

I have the metal tub for your keg in my truck.

- Mm. - Do you guys really throw a keg party

for your anniversary every year?

Yeah. When we first got married, we couldn't afford a reception,

so we threw a big-ass party.

Yeah, that party was the best night of my life.

- Aw. - It was all we needed.

Still is.

Only difference now is that

we drop the kids off at Michelle's mom's

so that we can relive our honeymoon.

Which was just sex.

- We didn't go anywhere. - Mm.

- You loved it. - Well, we went on a bike tour

for our honeymoon, but at the end of the day,

we were just too sore down there to do anything.

Ah, ah. No, no.

We got creative.

- If you remember. - Okay, done.

- Yeah. - We all done.

Speaking of our anniversary party,

Wade, you know, you're welcome to bring

- a plus-one if you want. - Oh, uh, thank you,

but I am not gonna bring anybody.

Yeah. That's fine.

But I... I do know who you should bring.

Anna. She's a doctor in my complex.

Okay? She is an infectious disease specialist.

She is so cool. She's traveled the world.

- She's had malaria twice. - Uh, thanks,

Delia, but I'm gonna pass.

Oh! She's also very attractive.

God, why didn't I lead with that?

I appreciate

what you're trying to do, really, but please,

stop trying to set me up.

Who have I tried to set you up with?

Uh, the receptionist at your yoga studio.

Oh. Layla? No. Ugh.

Forget her. Okay?

I am substituting Anna for Layla.

Okay, all right, look, guys, I know that you all mean well,

really, but I don't need to be set up.

Not with malaria lady,

not with Ben's friend from college

and not with Forrest's mail carrier.

She's shapely and reliable.

I mean, what more do you want?

Thank you for the support, guys.

Okay, ladies.

- Bye-bye. - Thank you.

- Bye, Wade. - Wade, thank you for hosting

widows group tonight.

Oh, yeah, and Stacey

feels really bad about spilling that pinot.

Oh. Not a problem.

This rug has taken a beating.

Hey, what you were talking about in group?

I have that same problem.

My friends will not stop trying to set me up.

- Really? - Ugh. Yeah.

Last week, they ambushed me and introduced me

to this really nice guy who was so emotionally available,

and I was just like, "Ugh, gross, disgusting".

It's lame.

Caroline only goes for bad boys.

Oh, well, then, I must be hard to resist.

I mean...

I'm so sorry, Wade.

It's okay.

- See you next week. - Okay.

- Bye. - Bye-bye.

So,

I have this work party tomorrow, and I am dreading it.

It's gonna be nothing but awkward introductions

to, you know, schlubby divorcés.

Yeah, our friends won't leave us alone until we're with someone.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Do you want to come with me?

To your party?

Yes! Wade, you could be my fake date.

That way, everybody will back off,

and then I could enjoy the party...

eh... like-like a normal person.

You know what?

Hell yeah.

- I would be fake honored. - Oh!

Well, I would really fake-appreciate it.

Well, to...

- fake-have a good time. - Fake... oh, no, we'll really

- have a good time. - No, we'll really have a...

- we won't fake that. Yeah, that's right. - It'll be a fake date.

_

Oh, hey, Anna. How's it going?

Oh, hey.

You know, just, uh, consulted on a patient who contracted

a mystery disease in Papua New Guinea.

- What? - Turned out to be rat lungworm.

Man, that-that's, um...

Your job is just so exotic.

I mean, my morning was four chapped butts

and a Lego jammed up a nose, but...

Ah, modern medicine's great,

but it'll never cure the love we have

for sticking weird things up our holes.

"Up our holes". You know...

I'm sorry, I'm just, uh...

I'm just so annoyed at my salad because it's, like,

they gave me a fork, and, um, the leaves are so big.

And, uh, it just makes me so mad and, uh, why am I talking?

I don't know, 'cause I'm dumb. Okay...

What? No, no. I hate that.

Look, a salad should never need a knife, ever.

That's the contract salad makes with you.

It should always be fork only.

"Be fork only".

Hey, you know, um, so this might sound a little crazy,

but, um, do you want to come to a party on Saturday night?

'Cause I have this friend Wade and I just,

I just feel like you guys would really hit it off.

What the hell?

- Really? - Yeah, I'm in.

This is great. Oh, that's great.

So how do you, uh,

get this rat lungworm thing?

Oh, usually, it's when you eat raw vegetables,

and there's a slug in there that's eaten infected rat feces.

That's, uh, that...

Hmm.

Ooh.

Listen, I have 50 guests.

That's five-zero.

What good is two ribs to me?

This will only feed five people.

- What happened? - Hey, Michelle.

- How's it going? - Not great.

I called to see if they had ribs, right? And they said yes.

But then Kai put a bug in-in Zoe's hair

and Noah caught a potholder on fire, and now,

three hours later, they're sold out.

Ah. Well, that's terrible.

But, you know, I mean, three hours is kind of a long...

Unacceptable.

Joe, unacceptable.

Come on.

Oh, and now I've got to come back tomorrow.

But I can't come back tomorrow,

because I have a thousand things to do tomorrow,

which I would've did today, but I didn't

because that man said they had ribs.

Sorry, it's just a lot.

No. I-I get it. Yeah.

We all get overwhelmed sometimes, you know?

Some mornings I wake up feeling like such a fraud

that I don't even know if I can get out of bed.

What do you do?

Oh, I get out of bed anyway, and then I just go through the day

with this gnawing feeling that I'm not good enough.

I have so much to do to get ready for this party.

I don't know how I'm-a get it all done.

If you told Ben, I'm sure he would...

No. I'm sorry.

Forget I said anything, okay?

Yeah, I ran into Michelle today at the grocery store

and she sort of confided in me

that she's feeling overwhelmed cooking for this party.

Like, it's too much.

And, uh, she told me

not to say anything and...

I-I feel like we're at a real turning point in our friendship.

Hey. How was your date?

Uh, it was good. But it wasn't really a date.

I was just helping out my friend Caroline.

Her friends keep trying to set her up.

I know it's a little weird, right?

I don't think so. It's like in fourth grade

when I got Josh F. to be my boyfriend

so that gross Tyler would leave me alone.

Uh, I'm sorry. Hold on.

You had a boyfriend in the fourth grade?

Yeah. Everyone did.

Besides Quinn 'cause she was too tall.

What made Josh F. your boyfriend?

Nothing. He was just my boyfriend.

You're not missing anything, Dad.

- Hey. - Hi. I just wanted to tell you

that Anna is coming to Ben and Michelle's party.

Oh, Delia, I-I don't want to be set up.

I know, and that's why

this is totally super chill. No pressure.

But I know in my bones

you're just gonna fall madly in love with her.

Oh, my God. I cannot wait.

Okay. Bye.

- What's up? - Nothing.

It's just Delia being "super chill".

- Hi. - Hey, Caroline.