It Started with a Kiss

Now, give me a blue filler on number one.

Good.

And let's try a magenta on number two.

You've missed these lights at every performance.

Now, let's try it again and see if we can get it right.

It comes on the fourth beat.

Ready, Harry, pick up.

Okay, boys, that's better.

Hey, Putnam, stop eating.

Okay, girls, twelve o'clock curtain.

I want you back here at 10:45 on the dot.

- 10:45? - On the dot.

Hmm, big deal.

I’m gonna be late, Belvah.

Maggie, you shouldn't mix it up with that Loomis joker,

you know, he can make trouble.

Uh, I hate bossy people.

Well, you don't hate a $125 a week, do ya,

you're not that wacky.

Well, I must be.

I was making $140 a week at the Lame Canary.

I blew that job in one hour flat.

That stage manager, he's right out of Mutiny on the Bounty.

Domineering bully.

Well, there's no sense fighting him.

Give a little, get a little, that's my theory.

Where do you want to eat dinner?

Oh, I’m skipping it.

Tonight I’m a volunteer charity worker

at the Fresh Air Fund Ball.

Charity... what's the angle?

Hm, the guest list includes every millionaire

in New York City with a conscience.

And that's the best kind of millionaire.

What are you doing?

I told you, I’m going to the ball.

In that dress?

Are you crazy?

Janey got fired for doing that.

Yeah, well, Janey got caught.

Suppose ol' Loomis catches you?

Well, let's suppose something nicer.

Let's suppose I’m at the ball in my beautiful gown,

Mr. Loomis' beautiful gown,

and along comes a distinguished, handsome society gentleman

and he sees me and he stops, looks,

oh, and the blood pounds to his temples.

High blood pressure, huh?

Oh, I’ve got to get out of here.

Well, it might sound corny, but honestly,

money does not buy happiness.

Huh, well, in the immortal words of Joey Lewis,

you just give me the money, baby, I’ll do my own shopping.

- Wish me luck. - You're gonna need it.

See you later.

We'll see you in the unemployment office.

Oh, now be fair, Mildred.

Did I ever steer you wrong on a blind date yet?

No.

No, I don't remember any fat one that chewed tobacco.

Somebody else must have gotten you that one.

She's worth the trouble, honest, she's worth it.

Because he just flew in from two years in Iceland.

You better get in on the ground floor, kid,

because in three days this guy is going to have a stable.

Bald... no.

I don't know, about six feet.

Well, they're green.

Look, Mildred, if you're going to beat around...

Okay, she says okay, but if you're a jerk she's got to be in by 10:00.

Tell her thanks just the same.

Wow.

- Do you know her? - Not yet.

Wow, that's class.

Uh, see you at the base, buddy.

You're a neat negotiator, Mildred.

You just blew the date.

How much?

Hundred dollars, sergeant.

Ah, I see.

Excuse me.

Oh, Mrs. Chalmers, I’m Maggie Putnam.

I’m sorry I’m late, I was detained.

Oh never mind that, dear.

I’m just so glad you're here.

I have a booth down here with no one in it.

Oh good.

Oh, well.

Isn't that a lovely thing?

Contributed by Mr. James Dulac of Newport.

You mean, he... he gave it away?

For the cause of charity.

They say this is the most expensive car ever built.

Er, experimental model, of course.

Oh, well, is Mr. Dulac going to be here tonight?

Mr. and Mrs. Dulac, both.

Oh, he's married.

Yes, dear.

- Now then, in you go. - All right.

And here's your change box and your ticket books.

Oh, by the way, be sure each name and address

is on the ticket stub.

The winner will be announced Saturday.

- Good luck. - Thank you.

Hey, soldier, get down.

Thank you, gentlemen.

In the name of Sweet Charity, I earnestly hope you win,

both of you.

Good evening.

Good evening, such a pleasant...

How many?

Well, I’ll take one.

Splendid, fill out the stub.

All right.

Hey, if I stick around,

how about having a drink with me later, huh?

No, thank you.

I’m not interested in soldiers.

Sailors?

Nope.

All right, well, what would I have to be

to have you interested in me?

Somebody important.

Ten dollars, please.

For one ticket?

They come by the book.

Well, I know they do, but you can tear them out

real simple, see?

All right, may I have a dollar, please?

It is a charity affair, isn't it?

Obviously.

All right, then obviously you're interested in money,

so how much would it cost for one hour of your time?

A million dollars.

I’ll give you five bucks cash.

Don't bother, I’m busy.

How about six?

You know, you're not even faintly amusing.

Now, please go away.

This is a very important evening for me, please.

- Oh, good evening, sir. - Good evening.

Do you wish to purchase some chances

on that utterly delectable automobile?

Why, yes, I do.

Oh, that's charming.

Name and address on this stub, please.

All right.

And I sincerely hope you win.

Oh, it would make a delightful possession.

And I rather think it suits your personality.

- You really think so? - Uh-huh.

Well, thank you very much.

Um, it's so encouraging the way you wealthy men

turn out for these charity events.

I mean, it gives one faith in our culture, as it were.

Alvin Ashley, now, that name seems familiar.

Oh, I, uh, make the papers now and then.

Oh.

You're a very pretty girl.

Well, that's very kind.

Sutton Place, oh, that's a charming neighborhood.

Oh, and the view of the river, it's so serene and peaceful.

Oh, man.

Would you leave me alone, pest?

I… I beg your pardon?

Oh, um, I was just saying that the air from the river

is the best.

It's so clean and invigorating.

Well, uh, perhaps you'd come over and

help me enjoy it later tonight?

Well, that would hardly be proper.

Oh, I know, but there's no fun in being proper.

It's very dull.

Oh, yes, that's true,

but a girl must think of appearances, Mr. Ashley.

Alvin.

Oh, I’m Maggie.

Maggie, I have a feeling that you and I…

Alvin, I have a feeling

that you're heading for all kinds of trouble.

Well, what are you talking about?

- Listen, would you... - Excuse me.

Let me talk to you for a minute, will ya?

Would you excuse us, please?

Just a moment.

Mr. Ashley, he's a kook.

What did you say… What did you say to him?

Never mind, you're going to thank me for

this in years to come.

Well, first, I’m going to have you thrown out.

I like a girl with temper, it shows her battery isn't dead.

Well, I’ll dead you.

I’m sorry, look, I’m very sorry,

but after all, a guy like that Alvin is...

uh, you know, if you're smart,

you'll be gone by time I get back with a cop.

Oh!

Oh, that's a shame.

Oh, I’ll be fired.

Nobody will know about it if you stay in the booth