Code Monkeys

- Ha ha! - Aah...

I love you, whores!

- Yeah, you like that? Is that what you want, huh? You like it?

Dave, what are you doing?

My computer is frozen.

If I hit it in just the right way, it unfreezes.

- Did it work? - Oh, yeah, sorta. Whoo!

- Dave, we need to finish this game.

You know, 'cause we're game programmers?

- Fine. I'll change my pants later.

- And when are you gonna get this dead donkey out of here?

- He is not dead. He is sleeping.

- Dude, why is there a dead donkey in our office anyway?

- Yeah, it's a prank gone horribly wrong.

He's still useful, though. - For what?

- Let's just say it gets super chilly in here, right?

Then I just cut him open-- --like a Tauntaun,

and sleep inside-- ohh!--for warmth.

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- You know, Jerry, all these questions are

really distracting me from programming video games,

which, may I remind you, is my job.

- Hey, guys. - Yeah, what's the word?

It's the Wizard of Woz.

- Hey, Mr. Wozniak. - "Boss Man" to you, Jerry.

- Dave, are you sleeping inside a dead donkey like a Tauntaun?

- Yeah, I, uh, I am. - I dig it!

Hey, how's the new game coming? - Good news. I'm a genius.

"Hobo Killer"? I guarantee you, number one.

Wow! Great job!

Hey, guys, do the old CEO a favor and round up the troops.

Meet me in the break room in 10.

I have a pretty big announcement.

You got it, Chief.

- Hey, what do you think Woz's big announcement could be?

- I don't know, but it can't be good.

- Jerry, listen to me, your best friend in the world.

You've got to think positive, man.

I'm not sure I can make this.

- That right there is what I mean.

Think positive, man. - OK. Think positive.

- See? You didn't die. That was positive.

- Aah! - Fire in the hole! Hit the deck!

Yo, Black Steve.

Meeting in the break room in 5, buddy. - You got it.

- Hey, Woz get you a new gun? - Yeah, I'm trying to get

some inspiration for my new game, "Cracker Barrel."

It's a game where you shoot crackers in a barrel.

Later. I'm outta here.

- You know, that's really weird because he's not even

a game programmer; he's the accountant.

- I'm talking about the scientific nacho cheese,

the one that has been chemically formulated. I--

Mother, I have to go. I have to go now, Mother.

Ah! What say you, good sirs?

What brings you to Todd's Lair?

Looking for advice from the best programmer in the world?

- No, I don't like asking myself questions.

- No, you see, I am the best-- --mm-hmm.

I see. Clever.

- Were you just talking to your mom about nacho cheese?

- Mother and I share many passions,

one of which happens to be

our passion for nachos.

The other--my passion for her.

- Wow. That is really creepy, Todd.

When we find out how many people are buried in your basement,

are we gonna be more shocked or more disappointed by the number?

- What do you a-holes want? - Woz wants to meet with us

all in the break room. He has some kind of big announcement.

- Fair enough. I shall grace you with my presence,

but till then, I say to thee begone!

- OK, Todd. - I said begone!

My back!

- Hey, Mary, meeting in the break room.

- Dave, this is the women's spa.

- What? I ain't lookin', but I am taking pictures.

How's that game you were workin' on going?

- Great. I think "Red Rhonda" is really gonna teach girls

about their periods and be action-packed, so boys will want to play, too.

- That is totally cool. - Dude, you are never gonna bone her.

- Dave! - Mary, tell him you're unbonable, the door is locked.

- Out! - Wait. But maybe

the back door isn't. - Security!

- Knock, knock. Who's there? Ow!

- Hey, is there a problem here? - We were just leaving.

Grr!

- Mmm... - Dave,

what the hell are you doing? - Well, Mary, if you must know,

Woz said I could put a urinal next to the microwave.

- Why? - So I can make sure

that my frozen burrito doesn't get overcooked.

- But where are the pipes? - What pipes? Whoa.

Hmm. Perfect every time.

- Hey, everybody. Good times, people.

- Hey, Woz. Good times.

- Woz-ooh! - You rule, Woz.

- Thanks, Dave. Dave, would you mind wearing pants for this meeting?

- You got it, Chief. And I'm sorry to you, Mary, because the free show is over.

You guys all rule.

- That's why I'm gonna miss you all so much after I sell this company.

- What?! - You're kidding, right?

- that! - I feel you, Dave,

but, you know, to everything, turn, turn, turn.

I think we built a great community here at GameAVision,

and I know you guys are gonna keep it going, no matter who

the new owner turns out to be. - A new owner?!

- There'll be a bunch of different buyers checking

the place out over the next week or so,

and I want you guys to show them what's so great about this place.

Dave, I'm looking for you to be the liaison, if that's cool.

- You want me to help you sell the company?

Are you out of your d--- uh, yeah, ha ha!

You know what? On second thought, I think

I'll help you, Woz. I think I could be that dude for you.

- So, Woz tells me you guys are the ones

that made "Johnny Do Right." I love that game.

- At Family Works, we really

believe video games can serve a moral purpose.

- I'm sure you and Clarence are gonna have a lot to talk about.

- What in the heck? - This is Clarence.

He does all the music for our games.

He rocks and he sucks.

I'm getting out of here. - Keep lovin' who you love, dude.

- Hey, Todd, these investors are from Canada.

- Ah, yes. Heh heh! Welcome.

Dave tells me you're interested in learning the secrets

of a top video game programmer.

Ja, for sure.

We'd like to check out the staff before we invest.

Well, let us begin.

First, one must be comfortable

whilst programming. - Oh, gosh!

- Let's do a little word association, shall we?

There are no right or wrong answers. Let's go.

Jealous. - Creepy.

- No, that is wrong. Let's try again.

Dragon's Lair. - Creepy?

- All right, dudes. I'll see you in 6 hours.

- Those are both wrong answers, but there are no right or wrong,

so let's--let's just try again. Barefoot witch.

- So I showed you the foosball table, right?

And, uh, this is the microwave. - Yes, we're more interested

in checking your video game programming department.

We've seen a microwave before.

- Yes, but have you seen a man microwave a turd?

Um, no.

- Well, then consider yourselves lucky, because that is

my turd in there, and I am indeed microwaving it.

- Hey, guys, Dave giving you the grand tour?

- Mr. Wozniak, we have been dragged around--

- Oh, man, I knew 10 minutes was too long.

- Dave, did you microwave your-- - Yes.

- Man, that is a classic prank. - Thanks, man.

Now that's a boss. -

- OK, I'm gonna go burn all my clothes now.

- Yeah, that's probably for the best.

But i-it's a great company!

- Man, it's the eighties. People really shouldn't be this uptight.

Woz, think fast!

Woz, what the hell?

I'm sorry, Dave.

My heart just isn't in videogames.

I want to move on and make the world's greatest computers.

- Aw, dude, please, not this again.

- These devices are gonna take people to places they could never imagine.

Anyone who can use a computer is gonna be more valuable than a CEO.

- No offense, Woz, but home computers are gonna be a passing fad, like MTV.

- Maybe, but I've got to chase my dreams.

I was even thinking of writing a book.

How do you like "IWoz" as the title?

- Damn it! That is a great title!

That's why we need you, man, because you're not a douche,

and that's, like, the highest compliment I can pay anybody.

- It's true. He's never called me not a douche,

and I'm his best friend. - I'm sorry, guys,

but now that Dave has scared away all the potential buyers,

I've got to sell the company to--

No, don't say it.

-Bellecovision just made a formal offer today.

- Bellecovision? Bellecovision is the ass of the gaming industry.

That place is where awesomeness goes to die.

I can't take it anymore!

- And, P.S., they produce nothing but games.

- They do have dental. - Shut up, dude.

Woz, please, you can't sell out to Bellecovision.

There has to be another option. - Well, there is one investor

you haven't scared off yet-- a Texas businessman

by the name of Bob Larrity.

- Sounds perfect! - What?

- Because he's not Bellecovision, Jerry.

- But selling to anyone without discussing it