Miami Bici 2

We'll die frozen like two penguins.

Fuck your TikTok and your grandma, you hippie!

I told you not to call me a hippie, you twat!

Come closer to piss on you and warm you up.

And then you piss on me. I saw it in a movie and it works.

In what fucking movie did you see that?

-I've already seen The Terminator. -It's not The Terminator.

My dad recorded some porno scenes with Sandra Romain,

the ones the whole Buzău knows about.

-Did your dad recorded P-Stars for you? -It was a present for my birthday.

On grandma's tape cassette? She's gonna kill me! She'll shave my head!

The real action begins now.

I couldn't be with someone who undresses for every creep to see. What about you?

I have a pain under my belly button.

What happened?

What are you doing here?

You're wearing the tape I recorded the Sevilla match on.

Is that how you do your math homework?

What do I need math for? I can be poor without it!

Grandma, I need shell game lessons in my life.

Yo!

Go and get your homework done, or we'll end up in hell!

Switch off the TV now.

Run!

Crazy Garlic!

Come on, you goofy Romanians, come on! Come to Romanian smalls!

Come on, assholes! Motherfuckers!

-Be bold! -You're nuts.

-Dude, they've got mici. You want some? -Yes, eight, 'cause I'm craving for them.

You are Romanians, right?

-Yes. You too? -I can't believe it!

-So cool! Sorry. -Nice to meet you. No worries.

-Tudorel. -Nice to meet you.

-Man, the car you have! -Crazy Garlic is really crazy.

How much did you pay for it? Tell me exactly.

How much do you gain monthly? You gain a lot, right?

Carlos, go inside and put five mici on the grill.

What do you do for a living? How much money do you make monthly?

How much money exactly?

Between us, I'm a cardiologist in Los Angeles.

Do you get it?

Real bomb. I guess you're really good.

I perform lots of operations, you know.

-If you understand what I mean. -Yeah, I usually understand.

Yes, yes.

Maybe I should also move to LA.

We're looking for new cardiologists all the time. I mean… you know.

I understand, but I'm not that smart.

My friend, you don't need to be smart.

If your hand is…

-Quick. -Bravo!

You need to have a quick hand, if you know what I mean.

-I do know, yes, quick hand… -Pay attention.

This weekend, the largest cardiologists' meeting ever in Beverly Hills.

All of them will gather there.

Do you understand?

I'm really sorry, Doctor. I understand every word you say. I'm not stupid.

He's funny. "Doctor". I like you.

You'd make good money if you come with your truck.

You can't find mici in LA.

-Not a single one. -Nothing.

Quality paper.

Here you go. Thank you so much.

Thanks a lot. Good luck with your job.

-Thanks. -Suck my dick.

Old story…

Have a safe journey!

Have a safe journey, and next time we'll talk more…

Did he say "suck my dick" or did I just imagine it?

He did.

Why was he so upset when I told him that I loved him?

-Yes. -Hi! How's everything going?

It's going fine. In my field, you'd have to be stupid not to be doing well.

I also have a million opportunities.

I'm not leaving America until I make a million dollars.

Maybe on the Moon.

I got an offer to move to LA.

To those liberals who skinned Trump?

I just need to borrow 1,000 dollars cash this week.

You know what it's like to withdraw money from several banks.

Ask Juanita.

We broke up.

So you left home to be an adult, and that bitch left you?

Don't call her a bitch! Eat my dick.

Eat my dick.

Okay?

Crazy Garlic, man!

I LOVE YOU, MAMA

I love you!

I love you!

-I love you! -Yeah.

I love you.

Both of you.

Slowly.

I love you.

Crazy Garlic!

Yo!

Pici?

Bilă!

What's with all that pawnshop in your mouth?

It's a rapper thing, you'd never get it. Let's go to LA, we move to LA.

You suddenly changed your mind.

No. Check this out. Look. See? Three thousand dollar.

A salary bonus. For you. Your money. Look here. We move to LA.

-We both start there. Let's move this. -You're showing me 3,000 dollars?

I know what are you saying, that I have an empire and you are poor,

but we, Romanians, have to help each other

when we're abroad, you know what I'm saying?

-How are you, Grandma? -I'm waiting for the guys.

-Are you going to the game? -No, we're doing a TikTok.

Did you get into TikTok at your age?

What shall I do, Ioan? I'm a Romanian. I'll do anything to elude work.

Listen, I wanted to tell you I'm moving to Los Angeles.

Be careful, the further you are from home the more troubles you have.

Pici, we've argued before, we've said bad words to each other,

but I feel this is the beginning of a new chapter.

What a civilization! Other circumstances…

Fuck…

The truck!

The damned Americans robbed me!

Americans? Those were emigrants.

-If Trump was still in power… -Cut it out with your stupid Trump.

You are the stupid one. Trump is the best president we have ever had!

"We"… You don't even have the right to vote, Pici.

Naturally. Minorities shouldn't be allowed to vote in our country.

In our country?

Until you were 23 years old, you pooped in the yard in Buzău.

At least I had a yard.

Dude, do you realize how this man changed the world?

How he came back all naked and saved us all.

Too bad he was melted down for scrap.

Listen. Maybe one day I will also have my name on a street in Buzău.

Ilie Piciu. And at the entrance to be written…

Welcome to Buzău!

Ilie Piciu.

And maybe even your name, written in fine print, "friends with Ion Bilă".

If I were in GTA San Andreas, in one of these yards there was a BMX bike.

I've told you a thousand times. That is a game, not a documentary.

How can you lead your life after a game?

Let's go. It's illegal to jump the fence.

Well, why not teach the fool a lesson?

-Now we have to steal it. -You know how it is.

They steal their bicycle today, tomorrow their children.

Come!

Isn't your Miami business going down if you hang around here?

On the contrary.

I have two investors who take care of everything for me.

It's going smooth. I have an empire.

What are you doing?

Small crates.

There's a Romanian around here.

Easy, you nuts!

-Hi! -Hey!

Pici, this one is your type. Look at her behind. Buttocks!

Butt! Ass!

Would you spank it?

Come on, spank it. Go on!

It's okay. I kept hearing what men would do to me. In many languages.

-What are you doing here? -Well…

I moved here with my employee Ion Bilă to open a restaurant.

-With my employee Bilă. -Good for you! Bravo!

How much money do you make a month, if you don't mind?

Tell me… exactly.

I work for Studio 20, if you heard about it.

We don't listen much to Moga, Smiley. We listen more to thrumming music.

What? No. Studio 20 is a video chat studio.

We have studios everywhere, in London, in LA. I handle the one in LA.

Come in.

Man, you make a lot of money a month if you can afford this house and that car.

I bought the car with a three month salary.

But what do you have to do for that money?

It's not what you think.

You have to know how to speak, and especially you have to know how to listen.

I mean, yes, I'm sexy and I know it. Thank you.

But I offer people understanding, a kind of… psychological counseling.

There's no shame in making money while helping people feel better, right?

She's so cool and she's loaded, but she's uses so many words.

-Maybe because she's not stupid? -I knew she wasn't my type.

Where are you guys supposed to go?

-Beverly Hills. -I can't take you there, sorry.

I have a marketing meeting in 20 minutes.

But I can lend you my vintage car.

A marketing meeting, yeah, right.

Is this your vintage car?

It's worth more than a Cadillac. It's worth even more than a Ferrari.

There are only two of them in the country.

One is in New York, the other one is here, in front of you.

I'll lend it to you, 'cause Romanians must help each other abroad, right?

Once poor, always poor.

Sorry?

-Thank you so much. -God bless you for it.

Don't go more than 100 km/h.

Maybe downhill.

LA, baby!

What kind of doctors are these?

Heart doctors.

When I took my grandma to Bucharest, because she had heart palpitations,

I bribed the nurse with 150 lei to see her.

How much do you think there's in an envelope here?

Minimum 500.