Joey

Hey, Michael, who was that girl last night?

I wasn't with a girl.

No, no, no, the one I brought home. I can never remember her name.

There he is: the star of the new show, Deep Powder.

Bobbie, hi. Come on in.

Wow! What are you doing here?

How would you like to go to Las Vegas and be a celebrity judge?

It would be great publicity for your new show.

Oh, Bobbie, I told you I don't want to do stuff like that anymore.

-It's a beauty pageant. - Anything for the show.

It's Miss Southwestern USA,

but they need you to leave for Las Vegas tonight.

Tonight?

Well, you weren't their first choice.

Oh, okay, all right, fine.

Uh, what's involved in judging?

You have to look at beautiful women

and rate them on a scale of one to ten.

Can you do that, Joey?

I'll give it a try.

Okay, this is great!

But, uh, why did you come by to ask me? You could've just called.

Well, I like to give my clients the personal atten... Michael!

You are here.

Oh, gosh, uh...

Well, you're filling out nicely.

Couple more months, and you'll be ready.

Um, okay. You know what? Thanks for stopping by, Bobbie. Here you go.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

You know...

- part of me thinks I should just... - She would eat you alive.

I'm going to make a great judge.

Seven.

Six.

Ooh, four.

Aw, what a cute puppy.

Eight.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, you ready for your beauty pageant?

Yeah, I'm really excited, you know?

I've never been in a position before where my opinion mattered.

My judgment could change someone's life.

Joey, it's just a beauty pageant.

You bite your tongue.

You are talking about the Miss Southwest... something-something-something.

Wow, didn't know you were taking it so seriously.

Well, yeah. This is a big step for me, you know?

It says I'm a part of the community of celebrities.

You know, it says that I can be trusted to judge fairly.

It says that Corbin Bernsen dropped out last minute.

It does say that.

Hey, guys.

I think this is for you. Someone left it by my door by mistake.

Oh, this must be my V.I.P. packet for Vegas.

Oh, why you going to Vegas?

I'm judging a beauty pageant.

Ugh.

What?

My sister did pageants. I find them degrading to women.

- Aw, you jealous of her? - Very.

Oh, my God, there's some great stuff in here.

Whoa, what'd you get?

I don't know if I can share this with you.

This is a V.I.P. packet. You guys are just R.F.s: regular folk.

Ooh, comped room, free buffet,

front row seats to a Celine Dion concert.

You don't really like her, do you?

No, no, I just like to go to her concerts as a joke

with a bunch of other hilarious people that I met on her Web site.

Well, you can have these, if you want.

Really? Wait a minute. Is this a prank?

Did Sheila from Team Celine put you up to this?

No, really. You can have the tickets.

I can't believe you like Celine Dion.

Oh, what? I'm sorry it not Whitesnake.

You got a problem with Whitesnake?

Okay, all right, okay.

No one is looking good here, all right?

Oh, and Alex, if you want to catch a ride with me, I'm leaving in an hour.

Okay, great! I'll go pack.

Wait a second! Why does she get to go to Vegas and I don't?

No one said you couldn't go.

Why is anger always your first response?

I really don't know.

Look, I have a free suite. Why don't you and Michael join me?

That'd be fun!

Oh, Michael's not gonna want to go. He hates Vegas.

Well, what if we put him in the car and don't give him a choice?

I'm supposed to pick him up from Cal Tech.

We should kidnap him!

- Oh, yeah, let's do that. - All right!

This is really exciting. We're really gonna go.

Wait- I'm not dressed for Vegas.

Gina, you're always dressed for Vegas.

Okay, just so you guys know,

'cause we've got a long drive ahead of us,

when you throw trash out of the car,

it just comes back here and hits me in the face.

Ooh, there's Michael.

We shouldn't tell him we're going to Vegas.

Let's think of a place he'll want to go.

Ooh-ooh- let's tell him we're going to get ice cream.

No, no, no- then he'll be really mad when he finds out we're not.

Now I'm mad we're not getting ice cream.

Hey, why are you guys all picking me up?

And why are you grinning like idiots?

He's on to us! Drive!

Oh, my God. I can't believe we're here.

Joey, come on. We're inside. Take off the glasses.

Hey, hey- I am here as a celebrity judge. Celebrity!

Okay, people expect a certain flair, all right?

The sunglasses say, "You may not know who I am but, yeah, it's me. "

All right, fine.

Well, I better get to my concert.

I can't believe I'm gonna see Celine. It's like seeing the Beatles!

Yeah, except she's like a bony-chested French-Canadian

you want to punch in the face.

Oh, really?

I can't remember what state-of-the-art theater was built in Vegas for Whitesnake!

Is that Celine?

All right! Vegas!

Wow, those girls are hot.

Hey, hey, hey, that is for me to judge.

You're gonna have a fun weekend.

No, no, no. The rules say I can't fraternize with the girls.

I need to be impartial.

Otherwise, it would be unfair to the show's producers, the contestants,

and the good people at Mike's Hard Lemonade and Spike TV.

- Hey, guys. - Hey, there you are.

Think we're gonna have some fun in Vegas?

I don't think so. I'm just going to go up to the room and study.

I know y didn't want to come, but you're gonna have a good time.

Will you let me go to the room?

No, you're not going anywhere.

Now, stop sulking and take off that stupid hat.

Hey, nice to see you again, sir.

- Who was that? - I have no idea.

Welcome back, sir. We've missed you.

What's going on?

How come more people are recognizing you than recognize me?

All right, fine.

I come here, okay? A lot.

You do?

Yes, I come here with a bunch of my friends from Cal Tech to play blackjack.

We... we count cards. We win a lot of money.

Oh, my God! Michael's interesting.

Don't use my real name. I'm here under an assumed name.

Oh, this is too much. I am not buying it.

Okay, I'll prove it to you.

Hey, Sal.

Hey, Dr. Rodriguez, you shaved your mustache.

Yeah, well, the wife couldn't take it anymore. You know?

Oh, my God.

You have been lying to me and doing shady things in Vegas?

I have never felt closer to you!

I can't believe you count cards.

It's like I got my own Rain Man!

How much is that?

- 50 cents. - That's spooky.

I want to count cards with you!

Yeah, we got to do this.

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

Come on! We can rip off the casino together. Like a family.

How about this- let's sleep on it. I'll teach you first thing in the morning.

Oh, yeah, that's actually for the best.

Yeah, I have an early pageant meeting.

Gotta get some rest. You know, go to bed.

- Were you on Days of Our Lives? - With her.

Welcome.

Hi, Joey Tribbiani, long-time pageant fan, first-time judge.

Well, I'm Jerry, the pageant producer.

Oh, hey, sorry I'm a little late. I had kind of a crazy night.

But it's not going to interfere with my judging duties.

I am so honored to be here.

To me, there is no more noble endeavor than rating hot chicks.

Watch...

Four.

- That's my wife. - Out of five.

So, Jerry... I want to introduce you to Bob Saget.

This is Joey Tribbiani. He's another one of our celebrity judges.

Wow, Bob Saget!

I don't like to be touched.

So... wow... we're judging this together?

I'm on the same level as you?

Well, that depends. How much you getting paid for this?

You're getting paid?!

Okay, everybody.

We wanted to take this opportunity to introduce the judges to the finalists.

So here they are.

Miss Tucson...

Miss Santa Fe...

Miss Reno...

and Miss Laughlin.

Sorry I'm late. I had a crazy night.

Hey, hello again. Nice sash.

Hey, guys, guys.

I just did something bad.

Okay, here's the story.