Hustle

Please excuse me. Sorry!

Whoa! Sorry!

Have you seen a bloke come in here? Yellow suit?

He just came running in here, mate.

Your car, sir.

Yes, good.

Good morning, sir.

Morning!

I don't give a toss, sack the lot of them - don't they know there's a recession on?

You can get Eastern Europeans for two fifty an hour and bloody grateful for it.

Two fifty's my final offer!

Excuse me...

- is this yours? - Yes.

That's strange, it must have come out of your pocket and

rolled quite a distance to get all the way over there...

Oh goodness, I'm terribly sorry.

Let me help you get dry there. There we go.

- D'you know how much these suits cost? - I'm terribly sorry.

I'll just get that for you.

Oh, that's me again.

- Is your phone working? - It's fine.

- Are you sure it's all right? - Don't worry.

Good. I'll leave you alone, sir.

- Thank you. - Oh, my hat,

they'll never let me back on ship without that!

Good evening, Royal Langham.

Hello, could you tell me the name of your duty manager?

It's Roger Levell.

- Roger? - Yes?

Jonathan Moore here, the MD's new PA.

Just to let you know the MD would like to make a site visit next Monday.

- I'll make sure everything's ready for him. - Fantastic.

Oh, and he has a close personal friend of his, a Commander Cardwell,

he'd like him checked into your penthouse suite for a few days...

- He'll be checking in tonight. - No problem. Happy to help.

- What about the account? - Just send the invoice to us.

Good evening, sir.

Here at the Royal Langham

we take pride in the fact that our penthouse suite

does indeed have everything that you require, sir.

- Thank you. - No luggage?

- Terminal five. - Ah...

I'll send up the concierge, he can arrange a personal shopper for you.

- Well, thank you, Roger. That's very kind of you. - My pleasure, sir.

Bugger me! Mickey Bricks.

Hello, Cyclops, long time no see.

I heard you was Down Under, flogging the Sydney Opera House.

- I was. - Some people will buy anything.

- And long may it be so. - What can I do for you?

Ash Morgan.

Three Socks? Haven't seen him for months.

Heard he'd retired. You tried Eddie?

I called by the bar, it's all closed up.

- That's cos he ain't there anymore. - Do you know where he is?

Might do.

Either you do or you don't.

Fifty quid.

- I'm sorry? - Supply and demand,

it's the bedrock of a capitalist society.

OK, we are fully booked, so no more reservations today.

- I'd like a table, please. - I'm sorry, sir, we're...

Mick! God! What are you doing here?

Shouldn't that be my question?

- Oh, yeah. Ah, it's a long story, you knew. - I've got nothing better to do.

- I... I don't finish for an hour. - Alright, take a tea break.

I can't, mate.

OK, I'll have lunch.

- We're fully booked. - Are you?

Mick...

- Afternoon, sir. - Mickey...

Can I take this chair? Thank you.

Good afternoon, ladies, Good afternoon.

My name is Anthony and I will be your table host for today.

Table host? Yes, it's a new initiative we've started,

just to make sure that your lunch is everything it possibly could be.

Have you had drinks? Edward! Edward!

- Bollinger, please, for the ladies. - Right.

Don't worry, it's on the house. So, what were you thinking...?

Goodbye.

You'll get me the sack.

I can't believe you're working for a living, have you no shame?

Well, maybe if you lot had paid your bleedin' tab I'd still have me bar...

Where's Ash?

- Haven't seen him for months. - What about Albert?

Ah!

Hey. It's good to see you.

- Why didn't anyone tell me? - It's nothing for you to worry about.

To tell you the truth, I'm enjoying the rest.

- I'd have come sooner if I knew you were in here. - I heard you were on your way back.

- How? - I know everything,

you of all people should know that, Michael.

So what happened?

Well, there was a slight misunderstanding...

Black Jack!

- Ray, check his arms. - Why?

Her Majesty very kindly offered to make me her guest for two years.

Two years? Then we'll have to get you out.

Have you gone mad?

- Here you go, Albert. - Ah!

Er, you were missing Deal Or No Deal, so I've set it to record.

Thank you so much.

This is the best vacation I've ever had.

I've finally caught up on my reading, I swim, I have yoga classes twice a week.

And I even considered striking a guard to extend my stay, but they're all so nice...

OK. OK, I get it. You're working.

So who's in here worth getting locked up for?

Ah, you do have a very suspicious mind.

Then I guess you'll tell me when you're good and ready.

Albert, where's Ash?

Well, right now he should be fleecing the City boys in the City View.

OK. Then...

I have something for you, if you're interested...

... an M-A-R-K.

Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.

Money on the table.

Move over and let me show you how it's done.

Yes!

Thank you very much.

So, how was Oz?

Mixed reviews.

Lucrative, though?

Up and down.

- I couldn't do that flight... - Me neither.

I sailed back.

- What now? - I'm putting a new crew together.

It's a different world, Mick.

Misery everywhere you look...

credit crunch, house repossessions, even the banks are going under.

Recessions only seem to affect ordinary people.

As for the rich...

same old, same old, they just keep getting richer.

Ain't that the truth?

So, are you in or are you out?

- Archie Scott still about? - Nah, he's long gone.

- Cock and Hen Ken? - Brussels I heard.

I tried Danny and Stacie, but they're still in the States.

Long con players are a dying breed, Mick, it's all "wham bam, thank you, ma'am" these days.

OK, I'll make some calls, see if I have any more luck.

You got a mark lined up?

Sara Naismith.

Er, Edward, if they're your friends, I suggest you get rid of them now.

- Yeah, well, they are, but... - Lovely, thank you.

Made her fortune buying up beach front land

along the Black Sea coast once the Soviet Union crumbled.

Next it was tendering for re-building programmes in China after the earthquake.

- She's a nice looking girl. - Don't let that fool you, she's an alley cat.

She left China once it was discovered she was

bribing officials to avoid building regulations.

And in Croatia, if people didn't want to leave the land she wanted to buy,

- she sent thugs in to turf them out. - Hiya, Anthony!

Hello, ladies!

He's very good.

Yes, I'm sure he is.

- Hi. - Hello.

- Er... anything you wanna tell me? - No.

- Ahem! When you're ready... - Sorry.

Now that the Eastern European gold rush is over,

she thinks the recession in Europe means she can make a killing on the money markets.

- Feels like there's a pattern here. - Making money out of other people's misery.

So, what's the way in?

Well, she only likes to invest in cast iron certainties.

- What, insider trading? - Exactly.

The problem is she doesn't know the world too well.

- And she wants us to help her? - Be rude not to.

I need your table, lads.

- What for? - For paying customers, who do you think?

But we was here first.

Yeah, but you didn't book or anything, did you?

- Book what? - A table!

- I don't need to, I've got one. - But it's not yours.

- Who's is it, then? - It's someone else's.

- What, you gave someone else our table? - No. No, I don't...

- Do you know what? Forget it. - Bring us two more large ones, Eddie?

Thank you.

- We should help him, really. - Yes, we should.

So, where do we find our little alley cat then?

She does coffee and papers here every morning.

So, what am I going for? Casual and charming or business-like and abrupt?

Obnoxious.

- Obnoxious? - She thinks all men in the City

are rude misogynists - let's not disappoint her.

Right.

- Morning. - Morning, sir.

Table for one, please.

Right there in the middle, thanks.

Coffee and a brandy, please, kick start the old ticker.

Thank you so much.

Having a dabble, old girl?

A friend of mine made a killing last month.

Sescoe Oil. Tripled his money in a week.

I wouldn't mind, but the man's a bloody moron,

wouldn't know his NASDAQ from his arsehole. Thank you.

Apparently, he got a tip off.

- Oh? - Well, it's the only way to make any money.

Unless you've got an inside track, you're just trading with the rest of the plebs, aren't you?

- And we don't want that, do we? - Absolutely not.

Simon Porter Jones.

Sara Naismith.

- Are you staying here? - No, but they have the best coffee.

- You? - Ah, well...