Antichrist

## [ "Lascia ch'io pianga" from Rinaldo: Woman Singing In Italian ]

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Hi.

Hey.

How are you?

Didn't we just talk about that?

That was yesterday.

Today is Tuesday.

So I've been here long?

A month.

Wayne says that...

my grief pattern is atypical.

Yeah.

Had a talk with Wayne.

I think he gives you too much medication. Way too much.

Stop it, please.

Trust others to be smarter than you.

- He's straight out of medical school. - Just for once.

He doesn't know what he's doing. I've treated 10 times as many patients as he has.

But you're not a doctor.

No, I'm not.

And I'm proud that I'm not when I meet a doctor like him.

There is nothing atypical about your grief.

It was my fault.

What about me? l was there too.

I could have stopped him.

No.

You didn't know that he had started waking up lately.

I was aware that he would sometimes wake up...

and crawl out of bed...

and walk about...

just as you thought that he was soundly asleep.

He could open the baby gate.

He -

He woke up...

and was - was confused and -

and - and alone.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Dr. Wayne says you want me back home.

You couldn't leave it, could you?

Had to meddle.

This place leads nowhere.

On the contrary...

grief -

It's not a disease. It's a natural, healthy reaction.

You can't just remove it. You mustn't.

Wayne knows you're a therapist.

He says you shouldn't treat your own family.

In principle I agree, but -

But you're just so much smarter, aren't you?

I love you.

Nothing hurts more than to see the one that you love...

subjected to mistakes and wrongs.

No therapist can know as much about you as I do.

It's all right.

It hurts.

- It hurts. - I know.

There's no way around it.

I want to die too.

No, I'm not gonna let you do that.

Will it just go on and on?

No.

No, it'll change.

Will it get any worse?

Yes, it will.

You've always been distant from me and Nic.

Now that I come to think of it, very, very distant.

Okay.

Can you give me some exampIes of this?

Hell, that's not that difficult to understand.

Like last summer, for instance.

You were terribly distant last summer.

As a father and as a husband.

And that was Nic's last summer you missed out on.

Too bad.

I never interested you...

until now...

that I am your patient.

Perhaps I'm not supposed to talk about these things.

There's nothing you can't talk about.

You're indifferent to whether your child is alive or dead.

I bet you have a lot of clever therapist replies to that, haven't you?

Well, actually...

it was to honor your wish.

You wanted peace to write.

Perhaps I didn't mean it.

What I understood...

is that you wanted to write alone...

that you and Nic were going to go to Eden, just the two of you.

That way you couId finish your thesis.

But I didn't.

You didn't?

You see?

You didn't even know that.

Why did you give up? That's not like you.

The whole project just seemed less important up there.

As you said when I talked to you about my subject, glib.

I never called your subject glib.

Perhaps you didn't use that word, but that's what you meant.

And all of a sudden it was glib.

Or even worse, some - some kind of lie.

I see.

No, you don't see.

You see a lot of things, but not that.

lnhale on the count of five.

Calmly. Calmly. Just -

Follow me. Do it with me.

Inhale.

Inhale on the count of five.

Inhale. Two.

- - Stay with me. Stay with me.

I'm gonna teach you how to breathe.

- Inhale. -

Two, three, four, five.

Hold.

Two, three, four, five.

- Exhale. Two, three, four - Good. -

Imagine -

Imagine you're blowing on your thistle blooms.

CaImly, quietIy.

- - Yes, yes, that's good.

That's good.

That's very good.

I told you there would be a change.

You're still mourning, but you're in a new phase.

- What phase? - Anxiety.

- Anxiety? - Yes.

This is physical.

- It's dangerous. - No, it's not dangerous.

Just as your grief wasn't dangerous.

The main part of anxiety is physical.

Dizzy speIIs, dry mouth...

distorted hearing, trembling...

heavy breathing, fast pulse, nausea.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Easy. Never screw your therapist.

No matter how much your therapist may like it.

I know it distracts you, but it's - it's not good for us.

- Do the breathing. -

- Hold. -

- Exhale. -

Do you love me?

Yes, I do.

Then help me.

That's what I'm doing.

Exposure.

That's the only thing that really works.

Everything else is just talk.

You have to have the courage to stay in the situation that frightens you...

and then you'll learn that the fear isn't dangerous.

Let's make a list of things you're afraid of.

At the top, we put the situation you fear the most.

But I don't know what I'm afraid of.

Just... take your time.

I'm thinking.

Okay.

I'm thinking, uh, but, uh -

Can't I just be afraid without a definite object?

- -

- -

Hey. No. No! No!

- Calmly. -

Oh, God.

- - No.

This won't do.

Stup - Stupidest thing I could do to you.

If you can't tell me what you're afraid of...

maybe it would be easier for you to tell me...

where you're afraid.

Where would you feel most exposed?

What would be the worst place?

The apartment?

The street?

A store?

The park?

Visiting someone maybe?

The woods.

The woods?

The woods, yes.

It's funny, because...

you were the one that always wanted to go into the woods.

What scares you about the woods?

What frightens you there?

Everything.

Tell me what you think is supposed to happen in the woods.

I -

Is it any woods in particular?

- Eden. - Eden?

Well, what do you say we put...

- - the garden around Eden...

at the top of the pyramid?

No.

Not quite at the top.

No.

- - Don't you -