Quite a Ride

Damn it.

Come on.

This is the one.

Jackpot.

-It's all here. -Meaning what, exactly?

Meaning, you know, field mice...

...and you got your nest-building squirrel, you got your whatever.

Three cheers for morality.

-Hey, where's the...? -What?

You know, the....

Use your words.

Did you shred the files under your desk?

-Yes. -Okay.

-What about your Rolodex? -Yes. And everything in the cabinets...

-...the safe-- -Stuff in the bathroom?

-You did that yourself, remember? -Right, right.

-All right. That's it. I'm going. -Do me a favor.

Take those, drop them off at least five miles from here.

In separate dumpsters.

Oh, right.

Fine.

Okay, when the cops come talk to you, what are you gonna tell them?

-Talk to my attorney. -Yeah.

Tell them that Jimmy sent you.

Okay? Where you gonna be November 12th at 3 p.m.?

I'll be there. If it doesn't ring at 3, I'm gone.

Don't worry, it's gonna ring.

Well...

...I guess...

...that's it.

Quite a ride, huh?

Yup.

I need a new dust filter...

...for my Hoover Max Extract Pressure Pro, model 60.

Can you help me with that?

Pickup.

How hot? Red-hot.

I know where that is. I'll be there.

Yep, maximum privacy.

It's the best money can buy.

Ten? No, can't do it.

Everyone wants these things.

Six?

Yeah. I can do six. Okay, see you later.

Welcome to CC Mobile.

Sorry to keep you waiting, what can I do for you?

So privacy sold here?

Yup. This is the place.

Privacy from who?

Come on. You know.

Like the government?

Could be.

Like the IRS?

Bingo.

-So? -So...

...say you got a cash-based business.

Like a contracting business?

Contracting? Could be. Could be.

Maybe you don't report every single penny. I mean, who does, right?

How are you doing business? On the phone.

How are you scheduling appointments?

On the phone. How are you arranging payments?

On the phone. And who's listening?

That's right. They know every lick and tittle.

So you're living your life free and easy and then one day...

...at a time of their choosing, bam.

They bring the hammer down to Chinatown.

Jesus.

Jesus is right.

I'm telling you, these guys don't fool around.

And they will clean your bones faster than a school of piranhas.

I'll tell you what I'd do.

I'd practice something we call "information hygiene."

Can't be traced. Can't be tracked.

That'll keep you clean as a whistle.

What they don't know can't hurt you.

Especially if you use it only once per.

That's kind of key.

Once per?

Once per what?

Once per week, once per day, once per call.

Depends on the nature of your situation.

How much are they?

Cheaper than an audit. Guaranteed.

Unfortunately....

What?

Well, this one's spoken for.

My supply is very short.

Now, people are gobbling these up like Tic Tacs.

Thanks again.

Tell your friends.

-Hello? -Welcome to the U.S.A.

Use the prepaid parking ticket in the cup holder to exit the lot.

Make a right, follow the signs for I-70 West. Got it?

Seventy headed west, yes.

Keep the phone close by and I'll call you in about 20 minutes...

-...and talk you through the rest. Okay? -I understand, yes.

Yes. I'm here.

Mark 238.

But there's nobody here.

You need to relieve yourself?

No.

-Where are you? -You sure?

Because if you do, I suggest you do it now.

You're not going to have another chance for a while.

-As I said, I'm fine. -Suit yourself.

Pop the trunk. Inside, you'll see a hood.

Take it out, close the trunk, place your luggage next to you...

...and put the hood on.

That clear?

You want me to stand here with a hood on my head?

Those are the rules.

Step forward.

We're gonna hit some rough road.

There's a strap for you to hold on to if you reach out to your left.

You want some water?

No, thanks.

Step down, then walk.

There's stairs.

Step up.

Forward.

That's good. Right there.

Hi.

Where, exactly?

The entrance will be back there.

You need to stay within the footprint of the building.

All right.

You can do it?

Absolutely.

How long will it take?

I wanna say seven months, but I think I could do it in six.

Even with blasting?

Well, the geologist report was very thorough.

With the right equipment, modern methods...

...blasting will be quite unnecessary.

Assuming your employer is willing to meet my price.

Price isn't an issue.

So....

Fifty-six feet down, with no blasting, working nights only...

...you're saying seven months max.

My men and I dug a tunnel under the border into downtown El Paso...

...three-quarters of a kilometer long.

Undetected.

That took us 17 weeks.

If I can do that, I can certainly do this.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Thank you for your time.

Pardon?

Pull the shirt in.

-It's too tight. -Live with it.

Where do you look when the judge talks?

-In the eyes. -And what do you call the judge?

-Sir? -Ma'am.

Or, better still, Your Honor.

Sit over there.

And leave that alone.

Not guilty?

You can't be serious. On what planet would you take this to trial?

You should work with me on this one.

The kid threw a cinder block through a jewelry store window. I have a witness.

Frankly, I'm being generous.

I want six months probation, time served, no jail.

And I wanna win the lottery.

-And breed labradoodles. -Nice try, Bill.

-You won't get away with it. -Away with what?

Come on. You're not gonna play dumb, are you?

Please, enlighten me.

The officers took the first part of my guy's statement before he was mirandized.

They collected evidence based on that interview...

-...and you knew all about it. -That's irrelevant.

How would you--? Why would you even...?

Your guy did it.

Bill, you don't want me to bring this up with the judge.

Not only will your case be DOA, but she will rip you a new one.

On the record.

-Judge is not buying any of that. -I think she will.

It's all right here.

Listen, I....

Okay.

-Ten months jail. -Six months probation.

Time served.

This kid needs a chance to turn his life around...

...not rot in prison and join a gang.

Are you joking? We started at 18 months jail.

Up to you.

Eight months jail.

Four months probation.

-But what happened to six? -You're annoying me.

You can't play chicken with me. I invented chicken.

Okay.

Fine.

Six months jail time, one year probation.

I can't make four months fly.

It's impossible. Completely impossible.

You don't have time for this.

Bill, I only have one other client, and it's a bank.

I have all the time in the world.

All rise for the honorable Judge Lipitz.