18 to Life

Ah, love.

It starts with a simple kiss.

A kiss that ignites a fire so powerful,

it threatens to engulf the natural world within its white-

Do you mind?

Sorry.

I'm a romantic.

OK. Back to truth or dare.

We're still playing that? I thought we were making out.

So you concede?

No way!

Hmm.

What is that? Road kill?

Sorry, the answer we're looking for

is what is Jessie about to lick?

You're disgusting!

And you're stalling, which would make me

by definition the winner and you-

Aaaahhh.

That was unexpectedly hot.

And... gritty.

Yech.

You're up, Tom. Truth or dare.

Uh, dare.

Interesting strategy.

Foolish, but interesting.

Let's see.

Dressing like a girl is always good.

But so is public nakedness.

Uh, you made me do that last week;

longest bus ride of my life.

Right. Too easy.

No. I need something bigger.

Something that will show me what Tom Bellow is really made of.

I know.

I dare you to propose.

Propose... what?

Propose, propose.

Score.

Excuse me?

The bottle behind you, it's returnable.

You know, I'm kidding, right?

You and me married? As if!

We'd have to come up with names for each other, like Pumpkin or Sugar Plum

and you'd get a briefcase and you'd go to work

and I'd be all "Have a great day at work, Pumpkin and..."

Jessie Michelle Hill?

♪

Twelve years as your neighbour

and suddenly I can't stop thinking about you.

This is for real.

Will you marry me?

Almost had me, ha ha.

No joke, Jess.

♪ ♪

♪

Did you hear us?

We're engaged.

Well, it's out of the question.

We're not asking; we're eighteen.

Which makes us adults.

Adults don't need their parents to drive them to the movies!

Or prepare a hot meal for them every single night.

Trying to kill your mother here? Hm?

Jessie's a Gentile!

We haven't been to temple in years.

You're talking to Rabbi Schicter.

Schecter! Schecter!

And how exactly do you expect to support yourself there, Johnny Grown-up?

I still have savings from my Bar Mitzvah.

And we all know Tom's a real entrepreneur.

Get your P, B and J shooters;

it's peanut butter and jelly in a glass!

I still say we should've gone with the lemonade.

Look, Jessie.

We expect this sort of thing from Tom.

But you are the responsible one.

Why are you doing this to us?

Because I love him?

You just ended your declaration of love for my son with a question mark.

This is completely hypocritical.

You guys got married at twenty-four, well eighteen?

It's the new twenty-four.

You know what else it is?

Eighteen!

Hey everyone, since Tom's getting married, can I have his room?

I'll take that as a yes.

Well, let's see.

When I was 24, I was holding down three jobs,

finishing my law degree and supporting my widowed mother.

Tom, I believe on the other hand, just made it to level two of Ninja Surfers, huh?

Level three.

What is it?

Level three.

Level three!

I rest my case.

You know what, Jessie?

You go next door and talk to your parents, hm?

Yeah. Maybe they'll knock some sense into you.

Aw, puppy love!

That's so adorable.

Nothing like first love, huh?

Yeah.

OK, three down: writer of A Modest Proposal.

Five letters.

Um, did you hear me? We're engaged.

Wilde.

Actually, it's not that wild. I love her.

No, no, no. There's a T As in Oscar, there. five letters.

Guys!

Jessie, what your mother and I think is irrelevant.

Last time we checked, you're eighteen.

That's legally an adult.

But don't you have any regrets, concerns, nuggets of parental wisdom?

Never go to sleep hungry.

Who was that?

Our refugee.

Oh.

Sorry, what?

From Iraq?

Mom! Dad!

OK, sweetie.

Um, are you sure that you're in love?

Is this something that you really want?

Does he satisfy you in bed?

Mom!

Well, honey, because if there are any issues,

you're more than welcome to borrow our Kama Sutra.

It really works.

Maybe we should go outside and come back in again?

Jessie, you know how your mother and I feel about weddings.

They're an exercise in greed with absolutely no real bearing on reality.

That doesn't mean we won't respect your decision.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Hill.

I uh, I promise to make your daughter happy.

Swift.

Thanks!

As in Jonathan. Five letters.

What just happened?

Breathe, Phil.

Just breathe.

You like tigers

You like lions

Do you think that we can make it last?

You like the bathtub

And you take hot showers

Do you think that we can make it last?

Yes I do; yes I do Yes I think that we can make it last

What's with my parents?

Where's the worry? The angst? The guilt?

At my house taking a Valium.

At least your parents care enough to ask questions.

"What are you gonna do when college starts?"

"How will you get money?

"Where are you gonna live?

Where are we gonna live?

Right now, that's the least of our worries, OK?

My dad has dialled the Jewish up to eleven.

He's wearing a yarmulke.

Your dad's about as Jewish as Conan O'Brien.

Yeah!

He converted.

Shouldn't that work in our favour?

No. He says we're practically siblings.

The sibling thing kind of went out the window when we did it behind the garage.

But... we are best friends.

I know all your secrets, how you're afraid of moths and lost the Big V to that guy at judo.

You light candles when you're sad.

Well, there's plenty of secrets left to uncover. Trust me.

Really? I'm pretty much down to my last one.

You have a secret?

No.

Maybe.

Are you sure you want to marry the guy who made you eat mud?

Actually, no.

But the guy who bought me gummy bears after judo boy dumped me

and then changed everything with one single unreal kiss.

Him I'd consider.

Well, the worst is over.

At least our friends will be happy for us.

No!

No, no, no, no!

We're engaged, Carter, not gunned down by enemy fire.

People marry at eighteen all over the world.

Right, Marisa?

You're right, Cupcake and some day many of those villages will have running water.

You don't know what you're in for.

Have you ever bought a chick tampons?

Does he even know about...

Uh, Tom, buddy.

Don't tell the girls this but you need to have sex with a lot of other women.

OK, you guys do realize that we're all sitting here together, right?

There's no split screen? It's not Grease.

We're just trying to help.

OK, this engagement is a destroyer of awesome future memories,

most of which involve nudity.

Oh my God, that's it.

Our cupcake is knocked up!

Whoa. No one's cupcake is knocked up.

We're in love.