The Middle

Types of people in the world-- the non-worriers...

God, chill! I'll study while they're handing out the test.

The nail was a little rusty, but I threw some beer on there,

Cleaned it right out. And the worriers.

What if I never get my braces off?

What if I'm part of some secret experiment where they're trying

To see how long a person can last with braces on their teeth?

I'm forgetting things, Mike. My keys were right here!

this runs in families. It's only a matter of time

Before I am wandering the interstate in my bathrobe,

And you're using candy to get me in the car.

I stole a customer from Pete.

I'm a dead man! Dead, dead, dead!

you stole a sale from Pete in real life,

Not that dream you have? Yes! This guy he'd been working with came in on Pete's day off,

And I told him that Pete had been shot by a cop,

And I closed the sale. That must've been a rush.

I felt like a God! Ladies...

oh! Always funny, Pete. (laughs)

he knows!

if he goes for my face,

Don't let 'em rebuild it with that putty.

It never looks natural.

Frankie, you have a call on line 1.

Axl can't find his jeans. Says it's your fault.

You were supposed to wash them.

Why are you trying to ruin his life?

Tell him to look in the basket on the--

Never mind. He found 'em.

Hey, how is Axl doing?

Is he still dating that cheerleader girl? No, thank God.

the past few months

Had been a roller coaster of pain.

Axl's first love, Morgan,

Had broken up with him, leaving him heartbroken.

And then just when he'd finally bounced back...Morgan and I are back together!

She broke up with me.

She loves me!

She loves me too much.

She's willing to take me back if I can change. I think I can.

She doesn't like the person that I've become... (sniffling)

So I totally broke up with her.

No matter what anyone tells you, it was me, my decision,

And I feel so good about it.

Anyway, I'm just glad it's finally over.

I have had it with her.

You don't know what it's like to watch your kid get hurt

Again and again and again. That's why I never dated in High School.

S-spare my mom the pain.

gather 'round, minions.

I'm throwing a company picnic--

Food, drinks, games, the whole shebang--

And I expect to see every one of you there with your families.

It's really my granddaughter's 9th birthday,

But this way I can write the whole thing off.

She likes those American girl dolls.

Check with each other so you don't double up.

Remember how I told you we're hatching eggs at school

For a science project?

Let's say I do.

This little guy is the only one who didn't hatch.

hatch.

Brick, there's probably a reason it didn't hatch. I know.

He's anxious about what he's getting into.

That's why I'm gonna spend as long as it takes

To reassure him that the world is a safe, loving place.

Meet scout.

Oh, hey there, scout.

When it starts to smell, throw it in the trash.

To our great surprise,

Brick actually took better care of that egg than...

Well, just about anything I can think of.

He took it with him everywhere.

But Brick being Brick...

Hey, what are you doing?

I lost scout.

Brick.

I know it was inevitable,

But I'm still disappointed in me.

I don't know what happened.

I had him with me, and then I didn't. Just relax. It's gonna be okay.

We'll find your egg. I already looked everywhere.

You've looked everywhere, but have you smelled everywhere?

Start sniffing.

Ugh.

Who even drinks buttermilk?

Mom, something stinks over here. (sniffs)

Oh, false alarm. Axl's tennis shoes.

Ohh.

Ew. Keep sniffing.

What is going on with your feet that your shoes smell like this?

Awesome! You found 'em.

Ugh.

Going to Sean's. Don't wait up.

here, scout.

here, boy.

I'm hoping for a boy.

Uh-huh.

Is this Axl's calculus book?

Yeah, right.

oh, Sue, I found your lip gloss.

Oh, cool.

Oh, wait. This isn't mine.

I only use lip smacker's orange pop flavor,

Same as Brad.

The calculus book, the lip gloss--

It was all adding up to one thing.

Either Axl had turned into a gay math whiz...

Or Morgan was back.

Mike, you're not gonna believe this.

Are you ready? Guess who Axl is apparently seeing again.

Don't guess! I'll tell you. Morgan.

Are you speechless or just not paying attention?

I already knew.

What? (gasps)

You caught them together, and you didn't tell me?

No.

You overheard them on the phone, and you didn't tell me.

No. Axl told me, and I didn't tell you.

What? What?! Why? Why didn't you tell me?

Frankie, I didn't tell you, because he asked me not to.

He didn't think you would take it well.

That doesn't even make sense. Why would he think that?

And I'll tell you another thing about Morgan--

She is just stringing you along!

I mean, she seems all nice and sweet,

But if she really cared about you,

She would not be jerkin' you around like this,

And if you can't see that...

Oh, my God.

So Axl feels like he can't come to me?

But he'll go to you,

Whose greatest pearls of wisdom are "shake it off" and "man up."

Apparently.

Well, this sucks.

Aw. Shake it off.

Mom, dad, I found my egg.

Ohh. Well, you gave it your best shot.

Circle of life and all that.

No, no. It hatched! Isn't it great?

I don't know where he is,

But we have a baby chicken in the house.

chicken in the house.

Hi, Axl. How was Sean's?

Fine.

Wait. Where are you going?

I was hoping we could talk.

Why?

I don't know. I just miss ya.

Come on. Sit. It'll be fun.

So what do you want to talk about?

I don't. You made me sit here.

okay, I'll start.

Axl, we've always had the kind of relationship

Where you can tell me anything, right?

No.

Yes, we have, and I would feel so sad

If you felt that you couldn't tell me something

Or that you had to hide something,

Because you were worried about how I would react,

Because I'm good at listening-- very good.

Better than dad, really. Mom, I didn't tell you I'm back with Morgan,

'cause I knew you'd flip out. You're back with Morgan?

Mom, please. Look, I know you hate her, but I love her,

So could we just drop it? I don't hate Morgan.

I hated the way she treated you,

But if you're happy, I'm happy.

Mom, I lie to you. You don't lie to me. That's the way it works.

Let me prove it to you.

Why don't you bring her to dinner tomorrow night?

Wow, mom, that sounds... Awesome.

Come on. Don't you want the two women in your life to get along?

Oh, my God.

It sounds totally creepy when you put it like that. (sighs)

I cannot believe the head cheerleader

And vice president of student council

Is coming to our house for dinner.

I have, like, a million questions

I want to ask her.

This could be a real turning point in my life. Okay, I agreed to dinner,

But I never said anything about Sue being here.

Can't we just tie her to a tree in the backyard or something? Axl, shake it off. Man up.

Your mom invited Morgan over so we can all get to know her.

It's not a big deal.

just a really bad idea. Mike, don't be ridiculous.

It's a great idea. It's gonna be great. Mm.

And I really believed it was gonna be great.

If Axl loved her, I could love her.

Simple as that.

Hi.

Oh, this is going to be hard.

Hey, Morgan. Come on in.

Mrs. Heck, I know Axl and I have had our ups and downs,

But he has made a lot of great changes,

And I am feeling really positive

About our relationship right now.

Me, too. Super positive.

Well, come on in. Let's eat.

I don't know what kind you like,

So I got regular and extra-crispy.