The Man Who Was Thursday

Come quickly and hear me, oh Lord,

for my spirit is weakening.

Do not hide your face from me.

Do not let me be like the dead who go down to the underworld.

Amen.

It is the group that defines us,

that gives us meaning,

belonging, a sense of a common goal.

We are born alone and die alone.

But in this journey,

we are given the chance to walk the path together

instead of wandering in the mist like lost sheep.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Now, if we are to become a flock,

if that is our true destiny,

who then is our true shepherd?

I believe it is the one who will deliver us

to the green meadows

instead of the slaughterhouse.

Through the ministry of the Church,

may God give you pardon and peace.

I absolve you from your sins.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

You are now freed from your sins.

Go in peace.

Peace be to God.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It has been six years since my last confession.

These are my sins.

I've lost my faith.

I've broken the vow of marriage.

I've worked on Sunday. I've neglected prayer.

I've shown great disrespect to my parents and family members.

I've abused...

alcohol and drugs a great deal,

and I've enjoyed it.

I've been impatient, angry,

envious, proud, jealous,

revengeful, and lazy.

I have had sex

outside of marriage countless times.

I've not accepted God's will for me.

Instead, I've placed my trust in substitutes for God

and I have despaired of God's mercy.

Can my soul really be saved?

Could you really absolve me from all of those sins, Father?

What... brought you here today, child?

I saw God yesterday,

and he challenged me to come here.

You saw God.

He came to me through a needle.

God always likes to come inside of me

through large and pointy objects.

Are you a tool of God, Father?

A as the Father sent me, so I send you.

Y you are freed from your sins. Go in peace.

Did you hire a new housekeeper yet?

No.

Oh, boy.

So, what is it, eggs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Something like that.

Sometimes I'll make a salad.

The place is probably a pigsty by now.

It's okay.

I enjoy the solitude.

Well, if you stopped drinking so much,

you'd find it less appealing.

Maybe.

I've seen them come and go, Father.

Nobody's perfect.

It's okay to have doubts.

The best ones always do.

My Lord,

please watch over our friend in need

and hold a special place in your infinite wisdom and grace

for my friend, your devoted Julie.

Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.

But I have prayed for you, Peter,

that your faith may not fail.

And when you have turned back, you strengthen your brothers.

Peter, in answer, said to him,

"Even if all men doubt you,

I will never doubt you."

And Jesus said Peter,

"On this night, before the rooster crows,

you will deny me three times."

Did you miss me, Father?

I've sinned again.

It has been one week since my last confession,

and last week

I have pleasured myself with a cold cucumber.

Oh, Father,

the orgasm I experienced was truly celestial.

I had images of Christ in my head as I was climaxing.

Then I thought of you.

Those eyes.

What are they? Green? Hazel?

I'm sorry for this and all my past sins.

For your penance I want you to go to Mass every morning,

say a prayer every night before going to bed,

and help a soul in need.

All right.

Now repeat after me.

My God...

My God...

I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.

I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.

In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good...

In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good...

I have sinned against you,

whom I should love above all things.

I have sinned against you

whom I should love above all things.

- I firmly intend... - I firmly intend...

- With your help... - With your help...

- To do penance... - To do penance...

- To sin no more... - To sin no more...

- And to avoid... - And to avoid...

- Whatever leads me to sin. - Whatever leads me to sin.

Our savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us,

in his name.

So how are you holding up?

It's been challenging, but

I feel like I'm truly doing God's work.

They ask about you, you know.

You touched many lives here.

They touched mine too.

Sometimes, though, I feel like...

like they contaminated my soul, you know?

That in the end I truly understood them.

Their sinful ways, their lust.

You've been here too long Father.

No one can fault you for wanting a change.

Nobody can do this forever.

I kind of miss it now.

Out there we're just collectors.

It's all we seem to do.

Sometimes I wonder, in eight years,

did I really save anyone?

Guide someone to the light?

The Lord challenges us every day.

We are constantly tested.

So what is our role then?

Take their money and hold their hand

as we all fail miserably to pass?

I want to be tested. Believe me, I want to.

Father, please help me.

Come with me.

Shh.

God. I'm calling an ambulance.

No, don't. No, don't, please.

Just let me stay here for a while.

It's them.

It's them.

Stay here.

What brings you here at this hour?

We are looking for someone, Father.

A big sinner.

Might as well be the devil herself.

In the house of the Lord, no one stays invisible.

You mind if we take a look?

Go ahead.

Are you a Catholic?

Then show some respect, my son. Bless yourself.

Naughty, naughty.

Father, you really have no idea who you are dealing with.

Boss.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Our Father, who art in heaven...

Are you committed?

Arise, oh God.

Judge thy own cause.

Remember thy reproaches...

With which the foolish man

hath reproached thee all the day.

And then I told her she was stupid,

but I didn't mean it.

And then I gave her doll back.

There now.

You regret what you did. It's okay.

Just say a Hail Mary before you go to bed tonight,

and God Almighty will forgive you.

Thank you, Father.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I know.

I'm pregnant.

I, um...

I have to ask.

How do I know it's yours?

That day I came to you for help,

I decided to turn my life around.

I promised myself no more cheap thrills.

Just life.

But I know I'm not fit to keep this child, so I...

I'll leave today.

I I promise I'll try to pay you back somehow.

No, I... don't.