Nearly Departed

Hold on, Wilmont.

Doctor!

What do we got?

- Car versus plumbing truck, plumbing truck won.

BP, 60 over 40, heart rate is falling.

Respiration in the 40s, V-fib during transport.

- Tyson returning a page on line two,

Tyson is on line two.

All right, this guy's a mess.

Julia, Ju...

The female passenger was DOA.

Oh, I'm surprised he wasn't too.

Doc, we got a broken wrist over here.

Easy, easy.

- Okay, we've got at least a concussion here.

His scans are ready, doctor.

Yup, cerebral hematoma.

Hold on, buddy.

- Patient does appear to have a bleed here

on the left side.

Come, come with me, Lionel.

Don't be afraid.

I will take you to your friends and family.

I'm not Lionel, I'm Wilmont Hastings.

Wait, what?

Hold that thought.

Okay.

Let's see what we can do.

Doc, we're losing him!

It's not your time.

He's back.

All right, he's stable.

We're gonna have to get him to the OR.

- I'll call upstairs, let 'em know we're coming.

(fast tempo piano music, "Flight of the Bumblebee")

- Dobbs Funeral Home, we're sorry for your loss.

How may I direct your call? - Despite all the damn vegans,

the gluten-free this, salt-free that.

But we're not the only game in town anymore.

The competition is getting pretty fierce.

The fact of the matter is all those baby boomers

are gonna start dropping like flies pretty soon,

and when they do, I just wanna get my fair share

of the business.

Understandable.

Good.

Computer analyst.

Yeah.

- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That musta paid big bucks.

It did.

- Well, you know I can't touch that, right?

No, I understand.

Why don't you just go on back

to that highfalutin profession?

I think it's time for a change.

I kinda wanna put that life behind me.

- You want to put a six-figure life behind you?

Yeah.

- Ngh-ngh, something isn't adding up and I don't like it.

Are you wanted by the FBI?

No.

- Listen to me, this is a family business and I don't

need anyone bringing any extra baggage around here.

So either you start telling me what's going on

or this interview is over.

A year ago I lost my wife in an automo.

I lost my uh, she was gonna be my wife,

in an automobile accident.

Nearly lost my life myself.

It's just taking me a long time to recover.

I'm still not there.

Well, okay then.

- You know, I gave up my big apartment, car,

job started getting to me, people talking, laughing,

mingling between departments, you know, I just.

I needed a quieter place.

Well, can't get much quieter than here.

You'll be working with dead people.

I wanna help people at a time

in their life when it counts.

When I saw your ad, it all just (fingers snapping)

kinda clicked.

Maybe it's a calling.

Well, we call here at minimum wage.

Minimum wage is fine.

You're hired!

Oh, okay.

Thank you, thank you. - My man.

Thank you.

Are you kidding me?

Seriously?

What?

A little water never hurt anybody.

No, that takes a plumber's truck.

Daddy home!

No, he's wet.

Meggie, I missed your hugs, oh!

- Sorry. - Ooh, you're wet.

I'll get you a towel. - Okay, thanks.

- You know, you riding a bike instead of driving a car

isn't going to bring Julia back.

Can we not do this now?

I have an announcement to make.

Good news?

I think so.

What is it?

I got a job.

- Does that mean I get to move back in with you know?

Where, doing what?

Please, Daddy, please, please.

Meggie.

- Dobbs. - The funeral home?

Isn't that where dead people are?

- You're a computer analyst not a gravedigger.

I'm not digging graves.

- Will you be making people look alive again?

- You used to make over 100,000 a year.

Too bad Mommy's already buried.

You could make her look alive again.

All right, that's enough, sweetheart.

It's time for bed.

- Look, don't talk to her like that, would ya?

- Don't you dare tell me how to speak to my niece.

She's my flesh and blood, not yours.

Please don't fight again.

She lived with me for four years.

Her mother and I were gonna be married.

Until you killed her!

Just, just go.

Oh, Ms. Gloria.

Yes, boss.

Send Jim in, will ya?

And tell him to bring the new hire forms.

Sure, boss.

Thank you, Ms. Gloria.

And you better get that coffee maker on!

I'm filing a grievance with the labor board.

(chuckles) She's such a kidder.

And I'm not kidding!

You flirtin' with Gloria again, boss?

Hashtag MeToo.

Stay strong, sister, right? (laughs)

- Jim, I'd like you to meet our new hire, Will Hastings.

Will, this is Jim West, he's a jackass.

- Cool, nice to meet you. - Same here.

- I'm gonna ask you the most important question

that you're ever gonna be

asked in your life. - Jim.

Jim.

Do you believe in the paranormal?

Um, no.

(sighs) Oh, that is garbage.

I can't believe you'd say that in a place

where the living come to rest.

- Jim. - Man.

- Don't you have work that I am paying you to do.

- All right, well, if I'd known we had a new hire

I would have had him help me load the stiff into the hearse.

And what have I told you about

referring to our clients as stiffs?

You know, the body is just a house

for the soul to live in during its Earth time so.

Anyway, I got a delivery to make

so he can come along with me.

What about the paperwork?

It'll be here when you get back.

Not unlike the lost souls!

New placards.

Hey, make sure you put 'em where people can see 'em.

Yes, sir.

Let's go. - Okay.

Hm.

What's with the placards?

It's advertising.

Mr. Dobbs will do anything for a buck.

Unless I want to have an organized seance

at his funeral home, no!

Oh, he's a businessman, makes sense.

- Yeah. - First order of business?

We got two cemeteries in this town.

There's Old Memorial and Shady Trees.

Which one we headed to first?

Coffee shop.

Uh. (laughs)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, seriously, with someone in the back?

Wait, you're telling me you wouldn't

run a quick errand just 'cause you

had a pork loin in the back seat from the store?