How Funny Can Sex Be? (Sessomatto)

Sex Mad a. k.a How Funny Can Sex Be?

Subtitled By SL Handy

- Domenico, have you brought tea of coffee? - Coffee, Madam.

- But I asked for tea. - No, you asked for coffee.

- I said tea! Understand? - Very good, Madam.

Domenico! The bath towel, please.

- Just leave it! - It's trapped, Madame.

Give me a light massage.

Good, that's enough, Domenico.

Madame, the coffee is getting cold.

- May I serve, Madame?. - Yes.

Made in true Brazilian style

- Domenico! What are thinking of? - Of my mother, Madame.

- Think of her elsewhere. - Excuse me. I think of her always.

I am sorry. An unforgivable lapse.

- When did you say you were leaving, dearest? - At 20:00.

Let's hope there isn't a storm like last night.

- There was a storm? - Yes. Don't tell me you didn't you hear it.

- I didn't hear it. - But, it would have woken a corpse.

It must be my medicine, I can't even rise in the morning.

Champagne, Sir?

Watch you don't make another mess. Don't think of your mother!

Did you call?

Yes. Wake me at 05:00 precisely, I must accompany my husband to the airport.

Very good, Madam.

Madam, it's 05:00.

Madam, it's 05:00.

Madam, it is 05:00.

Madam... Madam Juliette...

Madam, it's five o'clock!

He said he called me at five But I slept until six.

- He forgot to call me! - But he's such a dedicated boy.

He's indiscreet. I can feel his eyes on me.

All servants fall in love with their masters

- What about the one we used to have? - Oh, she was interested in me!

She always stole my silk stockings.

Au revoir, my sweet.

Au revoir, dearest.

Coca Cola: 21,000 General Motors: 26,400

Hatu: 32,000 Kawasaki: 36,200

Montedison: 20 Ford: 48,000.

Alfasud: 3... Christ! Franco: up 15, lira

- That's enough. Switch. - Ok switching.

Berna: A 32 year old Italian worker...

.. stabbed his wife's lover... Nice work!

- That's enough, Domenico. Good night. - Good night.

- Go! - I go.

- Domenico! Don't forget to water the flowers.

- Very good, Madam. - Domenico! - Yes, Madam.

Wake me at 08:00 tomorrow. Goodnight.

Eight o'clock on the dot. Good night, Madam.

Madam, it's 08:00.

It's 08:00! The tea is ready!

Madam! Madam, it's 08:00!

Excuse me... Excuse my... impertinence, but it's 08:00.

Be calm, I won't dirty the sheets.

Can you hear me, it's 8:00, Madam?

What a tit...! It's 08:00, Madam.

Oh God, I want you! Dirty whore! My mistress!

Show me... Your pubis...

Don't look. Cuckold!

Excuse me, Madam, but it's 08:00.

I... Madam... Must dare a little more...

Pardon, Madam, it's 08:00, but don't wake, please.

I was very quick.

Madam, it's 08:00.

Madam...

Good morning, Madam. Did you sleep well?

- What time is it, Domenico? - A couple of minutes past 08:00 Madam.

- Breakfast, Madam. - Thank you, Domenico.

When you woke me, I'd just gone to sleep

- I didn't close my eyes all night. - I'm sorry, Madam.

- I'm going to take a nap. Wake me at 11:00. - Very good.

- Domenico, where are you going? Breakfast! - You're right!

But, Domenico! Pay attention!

What have you brought me? I said tea!

Domenico, what's come over you?

Two Hearts and a Shack

For Sale

Shit! No one's going to buy it, now!

- Daddy! - Spying, are you? You know that's naughty!

- What did Mummy do today? - Nothing.

- And no one came while I was away? - Who should come?

- I ask the questions, you answer! - No one.

Ok, let's go. Don't make a sound.

Stay!

Get in.

No need to call the carpenter, right!

'War' with one 'R' Ignorant!

Preparing dinner at the last moment. What do you do all day?

And you smoke your pipe! Go on, set the house a light!

With all the manicures and canasta, time passes so quickly

- So you want to argue? - Oh, of course!

I saw that lipstick on your shirt, but you think I'll keep quiet about it.

- Which shirt? - The red one.

- The ladies haven't used lipstick in years. - Oh, it was an old mark.

It's the old trick! When you've something to hide, you attack me!

Because you don't want to pay your due.

You wore the new dress? Where've you been? Shame on you!

To get medicine for Claudio. He's got a cough.

Oh, give up this crap, will you! Why not send him?

They won't give it to him for nothing!

Right, you can play the "little pigeon" with the pharmacist

Go and kill yourself!

Whose is this newspaper? Out! Everybody out!

Go! Quick!

- Confess! Whose is it? - What do I know? Yours?

Of course, I need it for the stock quotations! Who left it?

It must have been Agnelli. He stopped by to see if we had a spare bed to rent.

Oh, you're playing the fool! If it wasn't Agnelli, it was someone else!

When I'm not here, someone else comes!

Remember, when I get proof I'll kill you, you dirty slut!

You're the slut, going to Parioli, playing the gigolo with all the women!

- You shit! - You're the shit, you grandmother's little whore!

- I'll kill you! - I'll kill you, you son of a slut!

No! Give me the bottle!

I know you've hidden a photo in your shoe!

Because there's a hole in the bottom!

What a beauty you gave me. My head's still ringing.

Are you still shitting, my love?

- Will the wine stain go away? I'm all dirty. - One.. two.. three.. four..

But I'm content! A real man has to take charge!

- If you want me to take charge, invite me to the martial bed!

- Let's go to bed! - I'm coming!

- If the weather's nice on Sunday... - eight.. nine.. ten.. eleven...

- .. but these socks are filthy... - thirteen.. fourteen.

I've got a nice surprise for you tonight.

I know your surprise. Quietly, so they don't hear us.

Come here, my beauty. Tell me who you are.

I'm all yours! But let's be quiet!

- Tell me something... - No, they can hear!

- Pretend to talk about something else. - What shall I make you for lunch tomorrow?

- Two aubergines! - Two bits of cod!

- I won't digest that. - And if I cook you two chickpeas?

No, they make me fart.

- Peppers are less heavy... - Then, two broccolis my love...

- Broccoli is better. - Cooked in the pan.

Yes, with garlic.

With garlic and chilli pepper.

- And a touch of sage. - Sage... yes, sage...

Did you say something, my love?

It's never too late.

- Don't disturb me for a few minutes. - Yes, sir.

Are you there, my dove...? Good morning, my love, it's me.

This joke is becoming vulgar and absurd!

How beautiful you are when you're angry.

I could get angry for real and call the police!

You won't do it. No woman is insensitive to a sincere love.

I am a man in love who wants to crush you in his arms.

He must be a madman! Or an old pervert!

Enrico... I can't sleep.

- Read something. - Enrico...

It's the latest edition, dear.

- Where are you going? - I'm thirsty, I'll be back soon.

Enrico... drink quickly

Six, four...

My love, I wanted only to wish you good night.

Don't be irritated, don't say ugly things, my dove.

I'm so in love, I cannot sleep without saying I love you.

I love you... I love you...

Hello, my dove, my little dove...

Always open these windows, eh, Valeria?

What does this madman want from me?

What does he want?

He keeps a photo of Golda Meir in his wallet.

For him, women become desirable when they're 70.

What do I know, Gerontophilia, Chronophilia, granny grabber.

- Have you been waiting long, Carlo? - Yes, but I'm not Carlo!

Let me in, my dove!

- I'm a poor old woman! - You are glorious!

Do not fear, I will not covet you, I'm taken with you, crazily!

What do you want with me? I could be your grandmother!

A kiss. I've been thinking about your burning lips for days.

But we're not even related!

Because I desire you! Don't hide, you must be mine, only mine!

It'll be wonderful, you'll see! Don't look at me with those gazelle's eye!

Poor dove my little dove!

Look, I brought you some marron glace.

- How did you know I like them? - I know everything about you, Esperia!

I made this liquor myself. Grape, strawberry and cherry.

It's non-alcoholic, my mother taught me.

Promise you'll be good and not touch me, even with a finger?

I promise.

To our love.

Oh, what devil's eyes you have!

My little dove...

My dove, tell me the truth... when was the last time?

The only time! During the war.

- 1940? - No, 1915. He was an Austrian Captain.

- Did you love him? - Crazily!

- He left me for the cannon shot! - It's terrible...

- Do you still love him? - No, now I love you, Enrico.

Oh, Enrico... Oh, Enrico... Oh, Enrico...

Did you understand, Valeria?

- Enrico! - Esperia! What are you doing here?

- What are YOU doing here? - I came by to see you.

I'm always out in the morning as you well know!

- I was in the area, and I thought... - "I thought"!

Tell the truth. You came because Valeria was alone.

No, she's almost a baby.