Mad Love

There comes a time when every friendship is put to the test.

Yeah. Go ahead.

Uh, who was the first man in space?

Yuri Gagarin. Next.

Wow, I would have thought it was Neil Armstrong.

You thought wrong, Kate. Next.

Okay. Not sure I like pub quiz Larry.

I'm sorry. You're right, Kate, okay? You're new.

You haven't been around me and Ben during pub quiz time.

It's a charged atmosphere.

Kind of like the Olympics or world war II,

but, you know, bigger.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh...

- Ow. - My back, my back, my back.

I really thought my back would be better today.

Well, you know, that's what happens, Connie.

You know, as the body ages,

it takes longer and longer to snap back.

Pretty soon it's easier to count the good days than the bad.

Do you have a bucket list?

I do. Um, go to space, have sex with an alien.

Oh, wait. That's yours.

I got to stop showing Ben my private things.

You guys okay for drinks?

Hi. What do you recommend?

I don't know. Beer?

Beer sounds incredible.

Yeah, I'll take a beer too.

Great.

Oh, can I take a peek at your I.D.?

My I.D.? Um, yes, you sure can.

I'll have a beer too.

Yes, I saw the hand signal.

Oh!

Well, that's nice.

Connie, your back's just making you feel old.

Also I think your age is making you feel old.

I hope you're feeling better for Tiffany's party on Sunday.

Nothing is gonna make me happier

than showing all those 25-year-old girls

how hot I look in my new slutty dress.

I don't want to go to Tiffany's party.

Who has a party on a Sunday?

That is just your back talking.

I know what we should do.

I got a free day at a spa from one of the tenants.

Why don't we go tomorrow?

Mm-mm. I don't like spas.

The nudity, laying on of hands, John Tesh music.

I love how you women buy into the idea

that a day at the spa can reverse the aging process.

Much like the famed fountain of youth

which was searched for but never discovered by...

Ponce de Leon.

There it is. Up here.

That is the kind of trivia sharpness

that makes us to the pub quiz

- what Randy Matson is to... - Shot-putting.

Bang-a-rang.

Wow. You guys have become super boring.

I don't think that's what you'll be saying come Sunday

when we are crowned pub quiz champions

for the fifth consecutive year.

I think that's exactly what we'll be saying.

See, Larry and I are like any of the great historic teams.

- You know, Pippen and Jordan. - Exactly.

- Where I'm Jordan. - That doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, speaking of pub quiz,

you are probably going to think this is bad news,

but please let me finish before you say anything.

- Nat Sax... - Son of a bitch.

..wants to meet with us tomorrow

to ask us a couple of questions

before he officially retains our firm services.

This guy, he invented this new web browser.

If we land him, it could be huge for our careers.

Nat Sax is full of it, okay?

We met with him five times,

and I know for a fact that he's meeting

with every other firm in the city.

Guys like him just get off on people chasing him.

As a man who is pursued regularly for obvious reasons,

I understand the allure, all right?

But this has gone too far.

Yes, Nat might be a little bit flaky,

but I... I've got a good feeling about it this time, okay?

And don't worry. He said he wants to keep the meeting short.

That's what he said last time,

and then I missed my mother's birthday,

which was fine, but I care about the pub quiz deeply.

The quiz isn't until 7:00. We're meeting him at 2:00.

We've got nothing to worry about.

You know what I really like about you guys?

I kind of feel like

you already mentioned a bunch of stuff.

- For one... - Ah, good. We're back to one.

You guys have vision. You work really hard.

When I go off on my tangents,

you do your best to follow me.

Plus you look kind of funny.

There's a skinny one and a fat one, and I love that.

So, I guess the only question left is

are you guys feeling this too?

- Yes. - Okay. The skipper is in.

How about Gilligan?

Yes, I, uh, I am in.

Gilligan is way in.

Great. Well, I'm definitely leaning towards you guys.

It's just something's not feeling perfect.

Not sure what.

Then how do we make it perfect?

In the next 20 minutes.

You know what?

Nothing's gonna feel perfect in this stuffy office.

Come on, guys.

Is there anywhere else you'd rather be?

Well, since you asked, I would...

aah, no, Nat, there is no place I would rather be.

"Mad Love: S01E09" "Pub Quiz" Original air date 18 April, 2011

So, Nat, one thing I don't think we've mentioned

is that our firm is quite useful

when it comes to writing up company bylaws.

That's interesting. I think we need more champagne.

Excuse me, everyone.

Aah, and there that is.

What are we doing? We're wasting time.

We're missing the pub quiz.

Larry, relax. We are this close, okay?

Can you just grit your teeth and try, if you can,

to suffer through all of this free food

and scantily-clad women who don't speak a word of English.

- Ladies. - Hi. Hello.

And this magnificent city view, okay?

I love that for you that the magnificent view

is always the topper.

Listen, Ben, I want this guy's business

as bad as you do, okay?

But I want it during regular office hours.

Well, we can't just tell him that.

No, obviously not.

That's why when he comes back

I'm gonna fake a chlorine allergy and puke in the hot tub.

It's not gonna be hard, man.

I've had a ton of shrimp, and it's really hot in here.

I don't know why I let you talk me into this.

Oh, Connie, trust me, this massage is gonna blow you away.

Every square inch of you is gonna get kneaded

and prodded and pressed and pummelled and pounded.

But in a nice way.

Or maybe I'll skip my massage

and spend more time drinking spa water.

Mm.

Cucumbery. That's not weird at all.

Will you relax?

You're gonna love this.

They told me Terry is the best.

She better be.

You're a guy.

I like to think so.

So you can hang your robe here

and then you can lay down face down on the table,

and I'll be back in a moment.

Okay.

No.

God. Oh, God.

Oh...

Oh. Still in the robe.

The truth is, Terry,

I'm just a teeny bit self-conscious about all this.

That's totally understandable,

but if it makes you feel any better,

I've been doing this a long time and I've seen a lot of things,

and you have nothing to worry about.

That sounds reassuring in theory,

but you haven't seen me yet.

And what if you use my old, disgusting body

to reassure other clients that they're not old and disgusting?

What do you mean "if"?

They told me you already signed the release.

Fine.

I'll take it off.

Get out.

Wow. When you said you like shrimp,

I thought you meant like a normal person.

How have you not thrown up yet?

I don't know.

So, um, going on with our plan.

I don't care about your presentation.

Okay.

Today is all about getting to know you guys.

You know, the real yous.

Like what would you be doing if you weren't here with me?

- Pub quiz. We'd be at pub quiz right now. - Evaluating your tax exemption status.

Larry, our client certainly doesn't need to know.

No, pub quiz sounds awesome, whatever that is. I'm in.

That is what I'm talking about.

And that is not what I'm talking about.

Oh...