Short Cuts

The time has come to go to war again.

Not with Iraq, international terrorists, or what was once Yugoslavia,

but with the medfly,

a potentially devastating insect

that has chosen to make California its new home.

Despite assurances that spraying poses no significant health risks to the public,

the public is not convinced.

People sense they're being kept in the dark purposely.

Furthermore, there is no consensus

as to whether the objectives are even realistic.

Is this a war that can be won?

Some say no.

Are we just going through the motions so certain people can cover themselves?

- Honey, it's on! - Some say yes.

- Okay, I'm coming. - How is this war fought?

It's like fishing. We use bait.

Actually, the bait is spread over our city at night, like a glaze.

This is very discriminate bait,

- Do you have to wear your glasses on TV? - like smart bombs

- Shh. - that destroy one thing, but nothing else.

The bait attracts the hungry, newly hatched medflies

and poisons only them.

The war's objective is clear –

destroy the medfly before it has a chance to destroy us.

All right.

Look over there.

Marian, what's so interesting?

Isn't that Alex Trebek?

- Alex Trebek? Where? - Next to the woman with the white hair.

Is that Alex Trebek?

Yes, I'm sure it is.

Who's Alex Trebek?

Marian.

Please.

...taken their time adopting a policy of coexistence with the medfly

'cause that's the only realistic course open to us.

Oh, Andy, you're a long ways away.

I'm in LA. Can you hear the helicopters?

What are you wearing?

Already? That was fast.

- What are you doing here? - Just give me some coffee, will you, babe?

- Are you working, Earl? - Yeah.

- You got somebody in the car? - Yeah.

- How come you got 'em here? - They're passed out.

It's one of those drive-arounds.

You're not drinkin', are ya?

Just give me some coffee, baby.

I come all the way down here to see you. I'd think you'd be happy to see me.

You okay?

I told you I canceled the Times, right? Stopped the mail.

All you have to do is come in and check up on everything and feed the fish.

I'll write – I got it all written down. Didn't I put it on the, um, fridge?

- Yeah, she wrote it down. I watched her. - I got it written –

- Just come back tomorrow morning. - Okay.

- You are gonna – - I – Your fish are gonna be fine.

What about the lionfish? Feeding the lionfish?

- That was just a joke, honey! - No, no, no, no. No, no.

- Lionfish like goldfish. - That's what you wrote down.

- Yes. You feed them live goldfish. - I thought you were joking.

- No! - You do that.

Earthquakes, water shortages,

fires, mud slides,

crime, gang warfare, massive overcrowding.

"His mother's name was Speckled Hen. She looked..."

What will our lives be like if we have to share space with the medfly?

Gene! Gene, the helicopters are here! Shut the windows!

Watch your brother. Okay? Watch your brother.

Suzy! Come here, my good little boy. Yes!

Sandy, shut the windows for me, please.

What are you doing?

The dog stays outside. I've told you a hundred times!

Don't put Suzy outside. The spraying – It's gonna give him cancer!

It's not gonna give it cancer! Don't you get environmental on me, Sherri.

Have you listened to the news lately? It's dangerous!

They wouldn't be doing it if it was dangerous!

Come on, kids! It's all right! Come on outside!

It's all right! It's safe! Come on!

Oh! Oh, yeah! Yeah, go on! Get cancer!

- Gene! - Get the dog out!

- Leave the dog alone! - Stupid –

The dog stays out. The dog drives me out of my mind.

- Where you going, Gene? - Out of here.

This is the third night this week, Gene!

Why don't you start smoking again?

How about Friday?

Are you free this weekend?

I don't get back till Saturday, but if you make it Sunday, I'll bring fresh trout.

Marian, why did you do that?

- What? - Invite them to our house for supper?

I didn't. You did.

- No, I didn't. - You said, "Let's set a date."

I had to say "Let's set a date" because you invited 'em to our house.

That was just a comment, Ralph.

What's his name again?

He's some kind of a doctor. I think he's a dentist.

Her name is Marian.

- Marian, we don't even know them. - Just relax.

Okay? Just... relax.

Any of those medflies get on you today?

Ow! I got one.

Do you want me to describe myself for you?

I'm a blonde.

36-24-34.

You don't do that.

- What do you do? - Oh, yeah?

These countries ship their food –

Oh, yeah? But I'm not gonna suck it yet.

Let's go play in your room.

Let's go.

What if all this is telling us

that every expert – before every expert –

Can you speak up, honey? I can barely hear you.

Yeah, baby. Ooh.

My panties are getting a little wet.

Well, I'm on my bed, and I'm on my hands and knees

and my mouth is so close to your balls.

Can you hear that?

Can you feel it?

Don't you want me to lick your balls first?

Mmm. Mmm. You taste so good.

Ooh, your cock is getting so big in my mouth.

So big.

Oh, yeah, baby, I'm just gonna lick it –

- You don't like the music? You wanna go? - We've got an early flight to catch.

Oh, then let's go. Come on.

You wanna drive?

- The medfly is already established in Los Angeles. - Mom?

- Baby? - Mom?

Shit.

Honey, what's the matter? Did you have a bad dream?

Come on, sweetie. Let's watch Daddy on TV.

- We'll all snuggle. - What happened?

- The helicopters scare you? - I thought it was an earthquake.

- This is Howard Finnigan – He was just frightened.

With thoughts to make you think.

Go ahead, shut it down. I gotta go make a phone call.

It's my wife's birthday.

Okay, guys, gather 'round.

Get in line. Specimen time.

That time of the month, guys. Fill it up.

- Yvonne! - Hey, sweetheart.

- Cheers! - You need some help?

- There you go. - We just spray the stuff. We don't drink it.

You need a magnifying glass and a tweezers to help you out?

Hey, sweetheart. Okay, you two.

Y'all haven't been taking anything, I hope.

Don't let anything run on the sides, okay? 'Cause that gets real nasty.

- Hello? - Chad! What are you doing up so early?

- It's Mommy's birthday. - Hey, that's right!

- Did Mom ask you to remind me? - No.

- I'll bet she did. - No, she didn't!

- I'll bet she did. You can tell Daddy. - Give me that.

- She did not! - Go back to bed, young man.

- Stormy. - Yeah!

How'd you know?

Two more hours. Please!

- Who else would call me at the crack of dawn? - Hey, who was that? Chad?

- What do you want, Stormy? - I just wanted to see what was on the agenda.

I got Chad tonight, you know. Wanna join us?

Whoops. Sorry, sweetie.

I really like the Wymans. Don't you?

Who?

The doctor and his wife. Marian.

And Ralph, I think his name is. You know, the ones from the concert.

He seems, uh, kinda lofty.

Off to work early, huh?

Well, I got two birthdays today.

He's a doctor. Remember?

- And she's an artist, I think. - Oh, yeah? What kind?

What kind? She's a painter.

You know. She paints pictures.

- There's Vern. - They really want us to come to dinner.

Well, we'll see. I'm off.

What does that mean?

We already agreed to go.

We made a date.

Bye.

Close the door, Stuart!

Sorry.

Got it.

- Oh, Christ. - I think it's broken.

The little thing didn't come up.

Fuck.

Why'd you let me sleep?

- How am I gonna explain this? - I don't know.

- What, is it broken? - Yeah.

Is your kid awake? I don't want him to see me here.

Is he?

He won't, baby. He's still asleep.

'Cause kids shouldn't see that kind of thing.

Jesus, how am I gonna explain this?

Jesus. Okay.

Kids. Crack.

Kids – Kids on crack. Okay.

- What? - Fucking dog.

Fucking dog knows. I know. That fucking dog.

- Hey. Ruff! Ruff! - Just can't live with all this.

I need to –

What do you gotta smoke in the morning for?

No, I told you I don't wanna do that anymore.