The Grass Is Greener

Darling, you'll love it when you get there.

You know on Tuesday, Aunt Rose has organized a treasure hunt on ponies.

Oh, Mommy.

- Come along, Phillip. Chop to it. - Emma, Emma.

- Have you? - Yes, Mommy.

- Let's go, shall we Ms. Mathews? - Oh, Ms. Mathews.

I put your writing case on the front seat.

The right way up I hope.

In you get.

Come along.

- In you get. - There you are dear.

Bye, bye, Mommy.

Bye, bye, Sweetie.

Can you write to Aunt Rose to say I needn't eat milk puddings?

Yes, my darling. I'll telephone right away.

I'll see to that when we get there. Now in you go dear.

Emma, look after Phillip, won't you?

Yes, Mommy.

Good, darling. Have a lovely time.

Goodbye, Mommy.

Bye, bye, Daddy.

I can't really believe it.

We're not going to see Ms. Mathews for 2 whole weeks.

I shall wake up and find it's all a beautiful dream.

The vicar telephoned earlier, my lord.

Asked me to give you the lessons for Sunday.

Deuteronomy and Mathew.

He asked me to assure you they're both quite short.

Thank you, Sellers.

Why I beg your pardon, my lord.

What Sellers?

Have you finished with the Times?

Yes, I think so. Why?

Then would you mind if I had it now?

No, what do you want the Times for? Want to light a fire?

What do you want to light a fire for? It's much too warm for a fire.

Oh, no. I want to do the crossword.

Oh, well it's over in our quarters.

Doesn't it strike you as a little odd, my lord.

That your butler should want to borrow the Times in the middle of a Friday morning?

It isn't even my day off.

- Yes, I suppose. I hadn't really thought about it. / - Excuse me, my lord.

We've had a meeting.

And we've decided we must have more help.

You know Nanny I don't have anything to do with that.

I don't employ you personally. You speak to the government.

You know the place. The national, you know.

Yes, my lord.

Now, now, where was I Sellers?

Oh, yes!

What do you want to do the crossword for? Are you bored?

To death, my lord.

But why aren't you working?

I haven't any work to do.

How's that?

I've done the silver.

I've got nothing to do now except serve your tea at 4:30.

Yes?

You see, my lord.

I feel the most terrible waste of money.

I don't really think you should have a butler at all.

Yes, I don't mean to be impertinent.

What do you mean to be then?

You see, my lord. You're a contemporary.

What does that mean?

- You're not modern. - You mean

- I'm an antique. - No, my lord. You're traditional.

Ever since your family first lived in this house, they've always had butlers.

But nowadays you don't need one. Don't you see that, my lord?

There's nothing for me to do.

Really, there isn't.

But I...

Well, I.

What Sellers?

Well, I should be much happier if you were to get rid of me altogether.

Or reduce my wages by 3 pounds a week.

Now what you're saying is, in effect, is that I'm old fashioned,

out-of-date, and clinging to a way of life that's had dry rot in it for years.

No, no, I didn't say that.

Well, you're quite wrong.

This house and these lands may be mine entitled.

But I regard them as a small part of England that I hold and trust.

In trust, not only for my son.

But for the future.

That can't be right, can it?

And I'm preserving things in the most commercial way possible.

The farm pays.

The market-garden pays.

The hens pay and even the souvenirs pay.

Yes, I do see all that, my lord.

And the reason I employ you is because I'm well aware

that the paying public who parade through this house

at 2 shilling and 6 pence ahead, 1 half-crown.

Are far more thrilled by catching a glimpse of a real live butler

then they are by the Rembrandt at the top of the staircase.

So, you see, I am in fact extremely modern.

And very business-like.

And to prove it to you I'll accept your offer

and reduce your wages by 3 pounds a week beginning Monday.

- There's the change for today, Ms. Heller. / - Oh, thank you.

Half ground, 2 shillings.

Oh, Sellers.

Would you take the mushrooms to the station this afternoon.

- I'll have them packed by 4. - Very good, my lady.

Darling, I've got your coffee.

Oh, good. Sellers?

How many half-crowns are there in 3 pounds?

About a bus load, my lord.

I was just wondering.

What my love?

Do you think if I was terribly clever with Sellers

I could get him to give the children their lessons?

Give the children their lessons? Are you out of your mind?

No, only from 9:30 to 12.

He's a butler, not a governess.

Yes, but it would mean we needn't have a governess.

I could manage perfectly well. It's simply a question of their lessons.

You mean get rid of Ms. Mathews?

Yes.

You know something.

What?

I wish to make a statement.

What is it?

I adore you.

Oh do you, darling. I'm so glad.

That's the most marvelous idea you've had in your life.

We'll have to give him something a little extra, I suppose.

We'll give him 3 pounds a week extra.

Then you approve?

If we got rid of Ms. Mathews and sold the television

we'd return to a civilized way of life.

What a pity we can't sell Ms. Mathews.

You think Sellers will do it.

He will if the children and I work on him right.

Then he's bound to do it.

Darling?

I'm afraid I want to work on you, too.

It's unlike you to warn me but work on me.

Oh, you're so good to me.

What are you reading?

Well, I wanted to look something up.

What?

Henley.

Why?

If you look out that window, you'll know why.

I always feel like reading it at this time of the year.

Now, listen.

And it's all the wild spring...

- Wait a minute, is this going to take long. / - No, no it's very short.

And it's all the wild spring in his chances and dreams.

There's a lift in the blood.

This gracious and thirsting and aching unrest.

All life's at the bud.

And my heart, full of April.

Is breaking my breast.

It's May the 9th.

At least that's what I'm going to write on your check.

Who said anything about a check?

You did: this gracious and thirsting and aching unrest.

That can only mean one thing, darling.

New clothes.

Oh, you are clever, aren't you.

On the contrary, you're the one whose clever.

Ah yes, the spring.

It's a turbulent season, alright.

All the clatter of rebirth.

New nests and young grass. Ooh, it's powerful stuff.

Yes, and I warned you, my darling.

The older you get the more powerful it becomes.

A very dangerous time. So you look out.

Darling, I didn't mean a check. Honestly, I didnt.

I just wanted to ask you if I could use some of my mushroom money.

I don't allow you to accept money from other mushrooms.

Here.

Oh, you've put with love above your signature.

That's alright. I've initialed it.

Oh, here they come.

Laughing and scratching.

Spreading apple cores and nutshells all over the place.

And little bits of sticky paper.

Now we return to the main hall.

The 2 mantle pieces that you see.

Are again by Robert Adam.

The table, in the center, is French.

And it has a fine, inlayed, Italian marble top.

It was given by King Louis XIV.

To a member of the family.

Now, if you follow me, you'll continue into the west wing.

Now, this is the state bedroom.

The 4 poster bed was designed for the house.

And George IV slept in it

when he was Prince of Wales.

The fireplace is by Robert Adam.

Now we come to the Etruscan room.

Yes, I do indeed, Rose.

Yes, and it's so sweet of you to have them.

Oh, Rose!

I almost forgot.

There's a hate on against milk puddings.

Yes.